SACRAMENT OF TRUTH AND TENDERNESS | KAIROS GLOBAL | JUNE 2021

Author: Fr. Ditto Devassy

Intro: JY priest, Fr. Ditto Devassy writes about the importance of preparation and guides us on how to prepare well for confession. 

A few months ago, a youngster came to me for confession. I invited him to the office and had a talk with him. It was evident he was in need of forgiveness and reconciliation. His portrayal of himself as the worst sinner, repeating over again his disappointment at being unable to break away from sinful habits and his feeling of unworthiness made it clear that despite his attempts to change anew, he hadn’t succeeded. I spent a good time talking to him and in doing so realised that he needed a thorough preparation before approaching the confessional.   

Sitting beside him as a friend I spoke to him about the sacrament of reconciliation and read out this passage from Pope Francis’ exhortation, Patris corde (with a Father’s heart), the evil one makes us see and condemn our frailty, whereas the Spirit brings it to light with tender love. Tenderness is the best way to touch the frailty within us. Pointing fingers and judging others are frequently signs of an inability to accept our own weaknesses, our own frailty. Only tender love will save us from the snares of the accuser (cf. Revelation 12:10). That is why it is so important to encounter God’s mercy, especially in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, where we experience his truth and tenderness. Paradoxically, the evil one can also speak the truth to us, yet he does so only to condemn us. We know that God’s truth does not condemn, but instead welcomes, embraces, sustains and forgives us. That truth always presents itself to us like the merciful father in Jesus’ parable (cf. Luke 15:11-32). It comes out to meet us, restores our dignity, sets us back on our feet and rejoices for us, for, as the father says, ‘This my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found’ (v. 24). This is what happens in confession. 

In the Old Testament we come across Naaman, commander of the Syrian king’s army. He was a mighty man of valour, but a leper too. Naaman was asked by the man of God, Elisha, to go and wash himself in the River Jordan seven times. And Elisha sent him a messenger to say, 'Go and bathe seven times in the Jordan, and your flesh will become clean once more.' (2Kings 5:10). Though Naaman disagreed with Elisha’s command initially, he later washed himself in the River Jordan and was cleansed. His flesh was restored, like that of a little child (2Kings 5:1-15). If this dipping in the River Jordan seven times was necessary for Naaman to receive healing, to restore our broken relationship with God, it is also necessary for us to wash our soul in the stream of grace that gushes forth from the side of Christ. Dipping oneself in the stream of God’s mercy and experiencing his tender love – that is the sacrament of reconciliation. Through this short orientation I advised him to remain in the chapel and to go through certain steps to help prepare himself for a good confession.

Friends, if you are inspired to make a good confession certain necessary steps will help you receive both a physical and spiritual healing. As Naaman was ready, as this youngster was ready to restore their relationship with God, let us also be ready for it.

I will take you through different steps which will help you make a good confession.

1. Contrition: It is ‘sorrow of the soul and detestation for the sin committed, together with the resolution not to sin again.’ Before we enter the confessional, we should begin with prayer. We should review our lives since our last confession, searching our thoughts, words and actions for that which did not conform to God’s command to love him and one another through his laws and those of His Church. A pure Act of Contrition leads us to the next step. 

   
   

2. Examination of Conscience: When our first parents disobeyed God and hid from his presence, he came to the Garden in search of them. God the Father asked them, ‘Where are you?’ Every time we approach the confessional, God asks us the same question, ‘Where are you, my son/daughter?’ This further elaborates to a few other questions:

a) Where are you in your relationship with God? 

b) Where are you in your relationship with yourself?

c) Where are you in your relationship with your parents and siblings? 

d) Where are you in your relationship with the entire universe? 

The answers to these questions would help us for a grace-filled confession. The next part is examining yourself with respect to the Ten Commandments and Laws of the Catholic Church. It is better to keep a list of Ten Commandments and examine yourself accordingly. If you are a penitent making confession after six months or a year, it is advisable to note down your sins on paper. It will help you recollect them without fail. The self-realisation helps to find out major areas of sin. As we read in the story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15), ‘when he came into himself’ – when he realised his fallen nature, he started back for his father’s house. We must be ready, through confession, to return to the Father’s house where the treasures of mercy and pearls of blessing await us. As the prodigal son truly felt sorry for his sins, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son,’ we must also be ready to admit our sins to the priest without hiding anything. 

After a thorough preparation by examining one’s conscience, and noting down sins (if necessary) the penitent should be ready to place his trust in God’s unconditional love and mercy.

Let me suggest a few points to keep in mind while you make your confession.

1. Mention when your last confession was. When you enter the confessional, the priest will give you a blessing or greeting. Make the Sign of the Cross and say, ‘Bless me Father for I have sinned, it has been (x weeks/ months/ years) since my last confession.’

2. Consider mentioning your state of life. This is necessary as it helps the priest understand the gravity of your sins. If your confession is not face to face but behind the screen, the priest will not be able to recognise you. So tell him that you are unmarried/married/religious/priest. For example, a layperson failing to recite the Divine Office is not a mortal sin, but if the religious or priests do not follow it then it becomes a serious offence. Mentioning your state of life helps the confessor understand you better and advise you accordingly. 

3. Focus on the mortal sins and addictions. Confess all your mortal sins to the priest in number and kind. Never take a chance to hide any mortal sin, which would make the confession itself imperfect and incomplete. If you are addicted to any mortal sin by which you have been under slavery of sins you should confess them. Never be afraid of what the confessor may think about you. After all we are seeking God’s mercy not a favour from a priest. The priest in person of Christ is there to help you, not to judge you. Without being strictly necessary, confession of everyday faults (venial sins) is nevertheless strongly recommended by the Church. Indeed the regular confession of our venial sins helps form our conscience, fight against evil tendencies, let ourselves be healed by Christ, and progress in the life of the spirit. After you have confessed all your sins, say, ‘I am sorry for these and all of my sins,’ and listen to the priest’s advice to lead a better Catholic life. He would also give penance to be done for your sins. If the penance given by the priest is not possible to fulfill, you can ask him to give you another one. For example, imagine that you are married woman and the confessor advises you to beg pardon from your husband in person, who is currently working abroad. It’s an impossible task at the moment. So you may ask him to give you another one.

4. Say the Act of Contrition. We often forget to do this part. After listening to the penance, be there at the confessional and recite the Act of Contrition. The priest who acting in the person of Christ, then absolves you from your sins. 

5. Satisfaction. Completing the penance imposed by the priest is known as satisfaction. Raised up from sin, the sinner must still recover his full spiritual health by doing something more to make amends for the sin: he must make ‘satisfaction for’ or ‘expiate’ his sins.

6. Few tips for a better spiritual life. It is always good to have regular confession, at least once in a month. If you can do it once in a week, perfect! Set a day, for example, every first Friday or Saturday at 3pm I will be at the confessional. If you make such decisions you can also call your confessor and get his appointment for that day. The confessor will have time to spend with you and you may also will get time to clarify certain things and get advice. Otherwise, if there is a crowd waiting for confession and you take up a lot of time to clear all your doubts that would not be a healthy habit. If you have regular confessor it also easy for him to measure your spiritual growth and can help you accordingly. Try to get rid of the fear while you confess your sins. As Pope Francis says, ‘God never tires of forgiving us; we are the ones who tire of seeking his mercy.’

   
   

Oh! About the youngster who came for confession…We spent almost two hours in the confessional. It was one of the most beautiful confessions I have ever listened to in my pastoral life. He didn’t hide any sins (mortal and venial) and confessed it with a pure contrite heart, full of repentance. After the confession, his face changed – a broad smile brightened his face. He was so joyful and made a decision to make his confession every two weeks. I am sure it would help him grow more in grace. After he thanked me and left, I remembered the famous quote by Pope Francis on confession, ‘When one finishes confession one leaves free, grand, beautiful, forgiven, candid, happy. This is the beauty of confession.’ 

A JY priest, Fr. Ditto Devassy is the JY Kerala Mission team chaplain. He is often at the JY International Office, Kochi, South India.