IN FOCUS - UNDERSTAND YOUR INHERENT WORTH | KAIROS GLOBAL | JANUARY 2019

Author: Hazel Mathais

Intro: Hazel Mathias tells us that our beauty comes from being a daughter of the King, which nothing can add to, or take away. And, you don’t need anyone's validation for it

I still remember the tussle my teenage-self had with my mom every time we were getting ready for Mass. She insisted so unwaveringly on me wearing clothes that were long and loose enough -just because I have to 'dress properly' for Mass - it drove me up the wall! I was angry that I couldn't 'dress to impress'. This was my introduction to modesty.

As I grew and my body became more feminine, I became aware that I wasn't as evenly proportioned as I wished to be. And dressing 'modestly' was my way of being protected from the unwanted gawks of the opposite sex, especially in public places. Hence modest dressing for me was actually a cover up for the shame and guilt I felt about my body being the size and shape that it was, and it was fuelled by fear. 

Yet, there was also this urge to dress attractively, especially when boys my age were around; to look beautiful and be desirable. This to me translated as showing skin where possible, and following current dressing trends because that determined how much people liked me and thought of me as a 'cool' person. So there, I was stuck in the turmoil of wanting to be thought of as beautiful and desirable, yet not wanting unsolicited male attention.

All of this started to change and heal after I surrendered my life to Jesus and experienced God as my personal Saviour. I was 19. I began to understand my inherent worth. I realised that my beauty comes from being a daughter of the King, which nothing can add to, or take away. Nor do I need anyone's validation for it! I realised that my body is made in the image and likeness of God, and so is sacred and holy, not to be on display for mass consumption, but to be loved and to love with, exclusively.

And so I could finally start being at peace with myself when I was out and about, and I didn't feel the need to impress or the fear that I was being judged or gawked at, because I already felt I was deeply loved, with perfect Love, which was so satisfying. I could just be in the present moment.

In interactions with the opposite sex, I also began to care more about the fact that men are more affected by what they see, compared to women who are affected by how they are treated. Hence it became a comfortable choice for me to choose clothing that suits my body shape without drawing attention to just parts of me. Jesus makes it very clear that he meant business when it came to stumbling blocks, and I could take it to heart (Mt 18:6).

In practice, this meant my clothes were not as tight or short as they used to be. Makeup was not as loud, but subtle. Was it easy to find the right kind of outfits that suited me? Unfortunately no! I often spent a lot of time hunting for clothes that were modest, yet looked good and made sense to wear in the culture that I lived in. But do we give up because something is hard to do? Absolutely not! Asking for help from Mama Mary, my guardian Angel and the saints would mean that I would find something nice to buy/wear eventually!

My understanding of how men usually function went to a whole new level after getting married to my wonderful husband. Soon I became a mother of two lovely boys within two years. This meant hectic days and often sleep-deprived nights. I really didn't bother about what I wore, as long as it was modest. However, when I went for special occasions, I would try to put in some effort to look aptly dressed for the occasion. When I reflected on my actions, and dwelt into the richness of our faith to find support, I found certain gems that further refined my understanding of modesty.

* Modesty is not just what I shouldn't do to be a stumbling block to others, but what I should do in order to be able to reflect Christ, even in my dressing sense, without being carried away by it.

* Modesty is not just about external appearance, but rather it is an interior attribute. It is a fruit of the Holy Spirit (Gal 5:22-23), which awakens in us respect for the dignity of my own, and every other human person (CCC 2521). It translates into the way I carry myself, what I speak, how I behave with the opposite sex- even my very thoughts. I am able to authentically love the other when I am being modest.

* Modesty is not just for women. It's applicable to men too. Men dressing without the intention of objectifying themselves, and rather being able to respect themselves and the people around them is what modest men are about.

In the Jesus youth movement, I also came across so many women, who are so beautiful! It was not the clothes they wore or the way they did their hair, it was the way their faces glowed and the way they smiled genuinely, as they went about caring for and enjoying the presence of those around them. This, I believe truly comes from the Holy Spirit at work in their lives.

Therefore, let's persevere on this meandering road towards modesty, and learn to reflect its beauty to a world that is searching for love, real liberation, and happiness. May the Holy Spirit prune us to bear more of this fruit.

Hazel Mathias tells us that our beauty comes from being a daughter of the King, which nothing can add to, or take away. And, you don’t need anyone's validation for it