IN FOCUS- GROWING IN MODESTY | KAIROS GLOBAL | JANUARY 2019

Author: Mary Jacob

Intro: Mary Jacob shares that modesty is not just about how you dress. It involves your whole being including your senses. She throws light on the various aspects of the virtue in our lifestyle

During the initial months of my Jesus encounter, I started to read the Word of God more often and I came across Mathew 18:6, “whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.” I started to ponder on this Word and came to the realisation that my way of dressing shouldn’t be a reason for anyone to stumble in their faith journey. I became cautious of my outfits; for me modesty was all about dressing.

Later on, I started to realise it’s not only about my dressing, my Lord looks at me as a whole being, including how I use each of my senses and thoughts. It was too hard for me to go with the convictions that I was getting to walk in His ways. I understood that to love Him more, I would have to give up certain things that keep me away from Him. 

As we all are called to holiness, saints who walked before us, have considered modesty and purity as an important virtue. As Bernard (Doctor of Church) says, “how beautiful is modesty and what a gem among virtues it is.” Jesus calls us to become modest in our lifestyle.

Physical modesty

As St Paul says in 1 Timothy2:9, “women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire.” As women, when we dress ourselves to draw attention, the instant gratification we get by making ourselves the centre of attraction, generating curiosity in others by our behaviour, action, and outfits, we deviate ourselves from Jesus. 

Living in a modern world, I am not saying fashion is a bad thing. We can be fashionable in a modest or a decent way. As a mother of three, I am cautious about what my kids wear and we have discussed certain limits like no deep necklines, enough length for t shirts and dresses, no shoulder less tops, no transparent tops and especially that we cannot dress up to go to church like we would go to a gym or a park. It should be clear that our body parts should not be exposed  to show off or provoke others.

Sometimes we hear from others that they don’t have any intention to show off, but remember that we are judged by our physical outfit. None of us attend an interview in an attire that shows off our body. 

The words we speak, bad back chats, gossips, flattering, boasting and even our body language reflects what’s going through our mind and who we are. Jesus encourages us to be like as Phil 4:8 “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.”

Spiritual modesty 

Spiritual modesty should be formed from our relationship with God. It is basically giving God the most important place in our life and being conscious of witnessing Jesus to our brethren. I would like to cite a few examples as follows: 

When we pray, as Jesus says in Luke 18, who do we resemble, the Pharisee or the sinner who did not dare to look up and pray.

In Mathew chapter 6 Jesus also reminds us that when doing good deeds, we should not look for praises, instead wait for the reward from the Father who is aware of all the secrets. 

Humility is another virtue that helps us to grow in modesty. It is important that we recognise our talents and attributes as gifts from God and always trust in Him even though we do small things and use it for His glory.

Practising self-control also helps us to grow in modesty. It is like building a fort against the enemy’s attacks. Every time we control or take ourselves from sinful situations, we are protecting our soul. It includes controlling our emotions, thoughts and actions.

The important checklist that we should be aware is the motive behind all our actions. If we are tuned in to listen to the Holy Spirit, we can definitely hear the gentle voice or a prompt which will help us to walk in the path of light. As the Word says in Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to the world where you live, but rather be transformed through the renewal of your mind. You must discern the will of God- what is pleasing and what is perfect.”

Growing in modesty

If we give the most important place for Jesus in our lives, we always ask for His will to be done in our lives. Even though he has given us the freedom of choice, we will be taking decisions where we put Him first. We will be reflecting Jesus through our actions and behaviours. As the Word says in Galatians 2:20 “I am crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.” It is easy to stumble, but we can approach and receive the sacrament of Confession with confidence because His mercy is deeper than the darkest pitfall of our lives.

The biggest ever role model for modesty is Mother Mary as she has received Jesus in her mind, body, and soul. Let’s ask our Heavenly Mother’s help and intercession that we may be pure vessels that carry Jesus and to preserve us to be with Christ in His glory.

Mary Jacob is a social worker. She lives in Canberra, Australia, with her husband, Jacob Jim Vattakkavil and three kids, George, Ann, and Joann.