IN FOCUS - BECOMING A WOMAN OF CLASS | KAIROS GLOBAL | JANUARY 2019

Author: Alphy Thevalakara

Intro: Who doesn’t love to dress trendy? Alphy Thevalakara shares that as children of God we must look good. Read her tips on dressing in style without compromising on modesty

I always enjoyed the new trends in fashion and I liked wearing fashionable and attractive clothes. It was in college that I first started paying attention to the word, Modesty. 

The word modesty used to make me very uncomfortable. It made me feel that I was being judged based on the way I dress. Growing up, I attended quite a few retreats and talks where they would talk about covering up our bodies. They presented it to me in such a way that, the way I dress will lead men into lustful thoughts and impurities, and so I should cover up my body. I thought this point was important but not valid enough to convince a woman to dress modestly. Why would a young woman do anything for men?  Personally, for me, I was thinking that I would dress up modest enough so as to not lead any men to sin. Wearing skinny jeans or a nice fitted top did not make me feel immodest.  Wearing a sleeveless top or a short skirt right above my knee did not make me feel like I was not covering up my body. So then, what really is modesty?

Modesty is a part of chastity. Chastity is a virtue that applies to our sexuality for people of all states of life that orders your sexual desires according to the demands of real love. And part of doing that is modesty. It is a proper attitude towards our body. Our body has a sexual and personal value, but the personal value is more important than the sexual one. Modesty puts it together in the proper order; it safeguards the personal value.

I realised that, most often, when I wore something, I was trying to impress others; fit into my friends circle or to keep up with the latest trends. Unknowingly, I was doing this to get attention. Even though I was not wearing anything provocative or immodest, I was trying to keep up with the worldly demands of sexualizing my body to make myself feel good and wanted in the society.

St John Paul II says, “when we acquire the virtue of purity we come to an ever-greater awareness of the gratuitous beauty of the male and female body.”  This beauty becomes light to our action. Purity is not about no longer seeing the human form and covering up from head to toe, it’s learning how to properly see the body as a revelation of God. My body is good and my body is not the problem. This was truly something new for me, that the function of modesty is not to cover up your bodies because it is bad but to remind the world that there is so much for you to offer than just your body.

With lots of prayer and reading on modesty, I came to the realisation that the number one reason why I should cover up my body or dress modestly is because I am a woman of inherent dignity and worth. It is because I am a child of God and He made me in His own image and likeness. My body is a temple of the Holy Spirit and it is a sacred place. When I became aware of this fact, I started to see my body differently.  When I went shopping or when I chose my clothes, it became easier to ask myself the question, does this outfit reflect outwardly that I am a woman of class, dignity and self-respect? 

Does this mean that I need to wear turtle necks and long skirts all the time? No! I can be modern, classy and dazzling at the same time and reflect outwardly that my body is holy and God dwells within me. When I do this, I am indirectly helping my brothers in Christ from falling into temptations and sin while also living out the dignity that Christ has created me with. 

Like I mentioned earlier, I loved dressing in fashionable clothes and looking good. I think as children of God we must look good. But I changed the word fashionable into class. I wanted to be a woman of class. When I think of a woman with class, I think of Kate Middleton. She carries herself with incredible class and she shows the world that she is a woman of great dignity, great value, and incredible worth.

Two years ago, I had an inspiration to change my wardrobe all together (I know!!).  As crazy as it sounds, it was something beautiful the Lord was guiding me into. My normal outfits used to be a combination of jeans and tops, and sometimes skirts and very rarely a dress. I wanted to get rid of all my jeans and pants, and switch entirely into skirts and dresses. It took me a year to slowly go through this transformation since I had to collect enough skirts and dresses to be able to wear every day. Obviously, I did not go spend money like Kate Middleton, but I went through thrift stores and clearance sections to find the right outfits for me. This does not mean that wearing jeans is immodest.

Modesty sufficiently conceals the sexual values of our body so that it does not eclipse the value of the person.  Let us ask the Holy Spirit to guide us in this journey and the intercession of our dear Lady who is the epitome of Modesty.

Alphy Thevalakara is a stay-at-home-mom, who home school her three kids. Married to Sony Thevalakara, they are expecting their fourth baby. They live in Chicago and is actively involved with the movement.