HE VALUES OUR AVILABILITY | KAIROS GLOBAL | JANUARY 2022

Author: Shahreen Ghouri

Intro:Shahreen Ghouri shares her mission experience in Cambodia and the challenges and hurdles she had to face before going on a one-year mission.

Few years back, a JY retreat for youth was organised in my city. Unfortunately I couldn’t attend it. My brother took part though and was deeply touched by the Holy Spirit. And he invited me to be part of the JY prayer group. 

Being an unconfident and shy person, I used to avoid gatherings. I was just a daily-Mass-going girl who would personally pray but was extremely uncomfortable with prayer gatherings. This nature of mine even brought me to tears. But one day, my brother was adamant I join him. That day at the prayer meeting, I remember praying for an intention without realising it. For sure, that was the Holy Spirit inspiring me and speaking through me. Praise God, the journey began.

Slowly I began to attend prayer gatherings regularly and was even given responsibilities. But I always felt incapable and unable to carry them out. One day, as I was preparing for our weekly reflection, I felt overwhelmed and lost. I began to question God, ‘Why do you always give me responsibility when I am unable to do it or I can’t do it?’ Just as I asked, this popped up on my laptop screen: ‘It is not your ability that matters to God but your availability’. 

This line changed my entire perspective and became a turning point in my life. Gone were my insecurities. After that, I began to say yes to the Lord, no matter what. I became more passionate to serve him and started to develop good fellowships, growing together in Christ. During this journey of self-discovery and personal encounter with Christ, I was selected for JYIFT (Jesus Youth International Full-timership Training) 2018. I couldn’t attend that because of my exams but God provided the opportunity to attend this training in Bangkok in 2019. This one-month training was a prelude to a one-year mission commitment to any country. 

Going on a mission was never an easy task for me as I come from a very simple family and am part of a community where going abroad is discouraged, be it for educational or professional purposes. And even worse was that I had to leave my new job and put my further studies on hold. I knew from the very beginning that my going for a one-year mission was an impossibility but again, God had different plans.

During the last days of my training, a deep desire and strong conviction to take the mission commitment began to grow. During the counselling sessions, I shared this desire with the coordinator and Fr. Das. They encouraged me to ask my parents that I would not regret not doing so; after that it would be God’s will. I prayed and asked my parents. It was no surprise when they said NO. I asked them to take some time and consider it and that I would definitely obey whatever they would decide. During that whole time, I kept thanking God for whatever would happen. My brother and some of my very dear JY friends also spoke to my parents and one day I received a message on my phone saying that they had agreed. God made it possible, my heart was more grateful to him.

I returned to Pakistan after the training, there were still some struggles to face but the visa procedures began. Everything seemed to be going well until one day my father suffered a stroke and was admitted to the hospital. My family was in shock; JY family around the world prayed for him. God was merciful and my father recovered. At home, it was I who took care of his medicines and diet and so couldn’t imagine leaving him and going on mission. One day while we spoke about this, my father said that I should go, that God had a plan for me.  That was how I reached my mission place, Cambodia – the ‘land of wonders’.

Going to a new place, where the people, food, language and culture was different made me nervous and excited at the same time. But I kept trusting in God because it was not me who would do things but God. I just prayed that God would use me as an instrument of his love and compassion. Before this, I had always thought that being on mission was to do big or great things but what I realised was that mission is giving glory to God in small things and trusting him completely.

I was assigned to teach at the high school, as well as the boys’ and girls’ center and I got to interact with many young people. Slowly I started a prayer group where I would teach them action songs about Jesus, we would share our heart and reflect on the Word of God. Most of the students were from humble backgrounds and broken families. What they needed most was someone who would listen and tell them that they were children of a God who loved them immensely. Every moment spent with them were moments I found myself in Christ.

There were difficult times of loneliness and brokenness but the love and grace of God kept me going. Each time I was stuck somewhere, I would say one Hail Mary and miracles would happen.

God never abandoned me and always protected me. Whenever I felt demotivated, he encouraged me. I remember once when a lady came to me tearfully and said, ‘Shahreen, please thank your mother for me when you call her’. When I asked her why, she replied with a smile, ‘For sending you here for us’. It touched me but I wondered why she said it all the same. That was when I remembered that I had gifted her little son some clothes for Christmas when I came to know she was struggling financially and couldn’t buy her one-year-old new clothes. This small gesture meant so much to her.

And then when I wanted to buy clothes for some of the kids and volunteers there, I didn’t have the money. So I decided to sacrifice meals bought while travelling and was able to buy the clothes but God provided for every need of mine. I realised how God uses us and I also understood that it was not I who was doing things but God; we just had to give ourselves to be his instruments.

Saying Yes to the Lord without thinking of my own weaknesses but trusting God has made me stronger than ever.

:Shahreen Ghouri currently works as program coordinator in Ishraq Catechetical Center of her diocese and also serves as asst. coordinator of Jesus Youth Multan, Pakistan.