WHEN GOD'S SILENCE BAFFLES | KAIROS GLOBAL | JULY 2022

Author: Minsu Jose

Intro: What do we make of God’s silence despite fervent prayers and cries for help over a seemingly never-ending storm? Minsu Jose shares his experience. 

As a child, I have always loved machines. In 2011, I graduated as a mechanical engineer from a reputed engineering college. Like every engineer, I too wished to begin my career in my core trade and thankfully got placed. 

Hailing from a middle-class family, I was happy to work and earn for my dear ones but certain unforeseen financial situations put me under pressure to earn more. Added to that, I was clueless about career possibilities in the industry. With my inadequate industrial experience, I decided to quit my first job six months after getting it, hoping to find a better one. Though my intention was pure, I soon realised that my decision was a huge mistake. 

When nothing new came across as I had hoped, I knew I was in deep trouble; that was the toughest phase of my life. Sleep evaded me, I felt disappointed and very low. I prayed hard, confessed often, spent more time in spiritual practises, but nothing worked. 

Finally, half-heartedly I decided to pursue an advanced diploma in oil and gas to enhance my employability. But the thought of burdening my parents again financially disturbed me tremendously. 

I tried hard to be optimistic but my mind was not ready to forgive the stupidity of quitting my job. I had intended to be financially independent and to save up for my family, instead I was now financially dependent and was eroding their savings.  

With self-esteem at rock bottom and utter disappointment, I pursued the course, keeping hope alive that I would find a new and amazing job once the course concluded. And though I continued with my faith practises, God’s silence pained and baffled me. 

To divert my mind and earn a little, I started taking tuitions for BTech students. With my friends from the new course, I also went for electrical jobs in and around Ernakulam district. I enjoyed those times and learned many new things, especially the hardship of labour, and got to interact with many good people. One day, while helping a friend with the final works of his new house, I happened to meet one of his relatives who was working in a metal company in Muscat. On hearing my story he asked for my resume. And while nothing happened, it boosted my confidence considerably (he did forward my resume to the concerned people but my lack of experience prevented me from getting shortlisted).  

Slowly realisation began to dawn that finding a new job in oil and gas was not an easy matter for a fresher; especially without relevant acquaintances. All that I had considered my strengths – my proficiency in studies and my intelligence – helped me nowhere. The concern of my family, questions from others, and the sympathy of 'well-wishers’ started taking a toll on me. 

I tried to reconnect with JY to distract my negativity and volunteered as much as possible to keep spirits up. On one such programme, preparing final year engineering students for a month-long mission journey, we went to an orphanage. While returning, I happened to meet a guy who I discovered was the HR manager of a heavy machinery company based in Mumbai. It was a surprise as well as a relief when he gave me his visiting card asking me to mail him my resume. I can’t explain how immensely that incident helped overcome my mind’s turmoil, though nothing happened as a result of it.

Before long, I finished the advanced diploma course too and started applying for jobs. Each time I saw a new email in my inbox, I was like a famished person seeing food after weeks. Most of them were regular advertisements or of jobs demanding experience. Hope began to flicker away and I started cursing my wrong choices, often complaining to God asking him why my foolishness went unprevented. I even began to feel that living a virtuous life was pointless after all.

During those bleak days, I visited a close friend of mine who was a priest. I expected him to pray for me and assure me with upcoming fortunes. Instead he reminded me to be grateful that I was not lost, and that I still was among God’s precious. He asked me to remain calm and wait for God’s right time, reminding me of the promise in Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. He asked me to thank God for all the blessings in my life till then. And though I couldn’t digest it altogether at the time, gradually it got into my head and gave me peace.

Somehow, I held myself together till I found a reasonably paying job after a few months in the oil and gas field. Around then, another lucrative offer came to me through one of my college seniors, an MNC vacancy. But I had to ‘update’ my CV with 2 years’ of experience to get it. I hardly had one year of experience at the time; God gave me the courage to politely decline that offer. For the first time, something interesting followed that year. I was offered a job by the oil and gas giant Halliburton, which I still like to read as a gift for being truthful. 

From then on, my career went on at an ordinary and gradual pace. Ten years later, I am now the operations manager in a US-based oil and gas company, an achievement I never could have foreseen ten years ago. My growth was steady, and though many a time I got impatient, everything became right and beautiful in its time.

Looking back, I gratefully remember many who offered me help and support and this constantly motivates me to help others in similar situations. I understand them better now. I also remind my junior friends to wait patiently for God’s right time, when everything will turn out beautifully. If we are ready to wait patiently, we will see his glory in our life. When I remember the ways God led me though, and taught me life through experiences, I am filled with gratitude. I’ve learnt that none of our hardships and pain go in vain, instead they strengthen us and become pointers to the biggest blessings of our lives. 

Nothing else matters than being with him, for God is Faithful. Our God is an awesome God!

Minsu Jose works as an operations manager for Helmerich and Payne. He lives with his parents, wife and three children in Kottayam, India.