WEDDING GARMENT | KAIROS GLOBAL | MAY 2021

Author: Anil Israel

Intro: How should a Christian prepare for marriage in a world where marriages are quick collapsing? Anil Israel takes us through the Word of God in this regard.

‘The final battle between the Lord and the reign of Satan will be about marriage and the family,’ wrote Sister Lucia of Fatima, way back in early 1980s, in a letter to Cardinal Carlo Caffarra (then Monsignor), whom Pope John Paul II entrusted the founding of the Pontifical Institute for the Studies on Marriage and the Family. Sadly, this prophecy is making itself fiercely evident in rampant ways, unheard of a generation ago. The changing landscape of the family life makes one pause and ponder: Have you also been deceived? (John 7:47)

A friend of mine used to say that, just as one is required to have a licence to enjoy driving on a highway, likewise it would have been good, had there been a system in place, to minimally equip people before they hurriedly plunge into married life. Christian family life can be likened to entering a highway with ‘No Exit’. The Holy Sacrament of Matrimony is sacred and consequently indissoluble. It is a call to ‘set apart’ oneself for a lifetime of love – to be faithful forever, till death do us apart. Jesus empathically reiterated this indissolubility, from the beginning it was not so (Matthew 19:8). Christian marriage embraces the four marks of authentic love: free, total, faithful, fruitful.

It is said that wedding is a day, and marriage is a lifetime. Many people spend a lot of time and money preparing themselves for their dream day – their wedding day. It is sad to hear, what should have been a long-lasting marriage, comes crumbling down, sometimes when the honeymoon has only just begun. It seems that the ‘reservoir of love’ has run out of wine (John 2:3). How beautiful would it have been, if people merely considered it equally essential, to devote sufficient time to adequately prepare themselves, for this incredible adventure of love that lasts a lifetime. 

In the book of Genesis, we see that on the first five days, after the work of creation, God exclaimed: it was good. But after creating human beings on the sixth day, he was extremely delighted: it was very good (Genesis 1:31). What a great joy, just to realise that we are the apple of his eye (Zechariah 2:8) – we are created in the image and likeness of God (cf. Genesis 1:26) – we are his unique masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10). 

Created in the ‘image of goodness’ and the ‘likeness of love’, we are created for a higher purpose – we have a higher calling. ‘Everyone is called to holiness’ (Lumen Gentium 39). For this is the will of God, your sanctification (1 Thessalonians 4:3). We are called to be the face of mercy. Mercy can be reckoned as goodness in action. We are called to personify love. And love in action is service. We are called to humble ourselves, to stoop down and serve, not only those outside our home, but beginning with our God-gifted spouse. ‘You are to be My living reflection, through love and mercy’ (Diary, 1446).

The first book of the Bible begins with the first family. It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him (Genesis 2:18). God himself is the author of marriage. The very first commandment was to be fruitful and multiply (Genesis 1:28). The last book of the Bible also concludes with the wedding feast of the Lamb (Revelation 19:7). Jesus began his public ministry with the miracle at the wedding at Cana (John 2:1) and in his parables invited us to the great banquet (Luke 14:16). 

God himself is an eternal exchange of love, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and he has destined us to share in that exchange (CCC 221). We all are invited to become partakers of the divine nature (2 Peter 1:4). In the divine plan, marriage is meant to be ‘a paradise on earth, a foretaste of heaven’.

Marriage is a covenantal relationship wherein there is an exchange of persons, who willingly give themselves out of life-giving love. To love is to will the good of the other (St. Thomas Aquinas). Loving is all about giving and forgiving. It is more blessed to give than to receive (Acts 20:35). The more I give, the more I fill others’ ‘tank of love’, the better equipped is the other to flood my life with love. 

He loved them to the end (John 13:1). I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you (John 13:15). Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends (John 15:13). Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless (Ephesians 5:25-27). 

Thus, the call to Holy Matrimony, is the call to Holy Family life. The purpose of marriage is not happiness, but holiness. The greatest thing a man can do for a woman is to lead her closer to God than himself. When we choose to marry, we embrace the responsibility, to be a blessing (Genesis 12:2) – to help one-another be a saint, and together raise saintly children.

A cord of three strands is not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12). There is wisdom in the saying, it takes three to get married. I have come to understand that it takes three yeses to ascertain if a prospect alliance is God-willed. The ‘yes’ of the boy, the ‘yes’ of the girl and the third vital ‘yes’ of both their parents (or their legal guardians). Marriage is not two perfect beings staying together, but two imperfect fragile halves becoming one whole, glued together with the bond of God who is Love. Christ is the essential 3rd person in the centre of a married life, just as Jesus is in the centre of the Holy Family. The lack of cohesion in a marriage is a sign of lack of the presence of God in their life of togetherness and love. 

All those yearning to get married are therefore encouraged to start praying for a godly spouse. We were touched when one of our friends presented us with a prayer booklet along with their wedding invitation, inviting us to pray a novena leading up to their special day.

We can also consider adopting a scripture verse as a motto to guide our married life. We were inspired to choose the Bible verse: Remain in my love (John 15:9). Another friend of ours, chose to have ‘Rm.8:28’ engraved inside their wedding ring. Praying 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 by replacing one’s name instead of ‘love’ is a beautiful way of growing in biblical love. 

May spiritual preparation be the wedding garment (Matthew 22:11) adorning our hearts and let it shine dazzling white (Mark 9:3) with the true light (John 1:9) of pure love.

Anil Israel lives in Mannheim, Germany, with his wife Sunitha and their 5 children. He is the current National Formation Coordinator of JY Germany.