UNIQUE, UNREPEATABLE, IRREDUCIBLE | KAIROS GLOBAL | AUGUST 2021

Author: Steffi Sibi

Intro: Steffi Sibi writes about the Set Free webinar she attended of Mila Szczecina, whose life was profoundly impacted by Theology of the Body. 

This article is based on the talk, Created for Love by Mila Szczecina. It is part of a series of webinars organised by the Set Free Ministry that focus on Pope St. John Paul II’s Theology of the Body. The speakers are curated from all around the world. 

Mila’s story – The good and the bad

‘Today I would like to share the impact that Theology of the Body has had on life, the way it has shaped my vision of marriage, the way it's helped heal my self-worth as well as how I am managing this period of singleness I have been called to.’

This introduction to Mila’s talk shows how the teaching of Theology of the Body applies to all states of life. It helps us understand the sanctity of marriage but also other vocations. It helps with issues of our identity and very self.

‘I wanted more, I wanted to deepen my faith and World Youth Day promised to do just that (...) Therefore, having no money to actually go, God proved the impossible possible and I went and it truly, truly changed my life. I remember one day being in Mass a few weeks after the whole event and actually feeling the love of God pouring into my heart. I never experienced such intimacy before and at one point my heart felt as if it was going to burst.’

Feeling the love of God was a turning point for Mila. For us too, it can take an encounter like this for us to have a more personal relationship with Jesus. She mentions love and intimacy which comes only from a personal relationship with God rather than merely going through the rituals of religion.

‘My extended family, not my parents, started to become preoccupied with my weight and unfortunately the negative words became my own and they have never actually left me. From that I developed severe anxiety as well as my self-worth plummeted. At the same time, I still hear the voice of my cousin telling me that if I wanted to have a boyfriend, I would have to lose weight.’

Mila recollects this painful memory. The impact from this which happened several years ago is still there. This shows the power of words to hurt or heal. We need to be aware of the words we are choosing when talking to others. 

‘So it was strange that this loss of weight was supposed to be the rectifier in my life, that it would make me lovable and yet with the weight loss ... I was left feeling they would leave me and I was left feeling more alone ...’

Mila lost weight thinking that would make her happy but it did not. This shows how chasing after world’s standards ultimately leaves us feeling more empty. This is in direct contrast to her experience of God’s love.

What Mila learnt from Theology of the Body

‘When I attended the first course of Theology of the Body, I was literally – soul and body – blown. I felt, hearing these teachings of the saintly Pope entering into my heart, revealing to me what I truly ached for and telling me that it was not wrong. You were made by love, through love and for love. That desire to be loved, to be seen, to be recognised as unique, unrepeatable and irreducible, those were all beautiful and very good things. They had been placed there purposefully so that I might discover my true identity, if I knew where to look and the source in which that identity truly lay. Unfortunately I’d allowed the sins of others and my own sins to distort what love truly means. Till this day, I'm still struck by the definition that the Holy Father gives for love. That the opposite of love is not hate but is using another person.’

Mila talks about how St. John Paul II and his teachings denote ‘the inherent dignity, the uniqueness, the unrepeatability, the irreducibility of each and every human person.’ Mila addresses a very common misconception, that our desires are bad. In fact, our desires are placed there by God himself. But as Mila points out, our sin gets in the way. 

‘I was given a completely new vision of the human person, a true vision about man, who he is, who she is and who they are called to be. With the tools from Theology of the Body, instead of flailing around in the sea of my own emotional turmoil, (“why doesn't anyone love me and why am I so alone”, trust me I still hear those voices today), someone has already loved me into existence. When I look at the Cross, I have already been found, I need not search anymore, I have been bought and paid for with His life.’

All of her search didn’t result in anything. Mila realised that this was because the answer is already there on the Cross. We don’t need to and can’t do anything else. We just have to receive the free gift of love and let that shape who we are. 

‘Every day, I struggle with my self-worth and singleness, sometimes more and sometimes praise God, much less. It is a thorn in my side which I know has been given to me to battle with but without the teachings of Theology of the Body, I could never have won some of these battles and I would not still be in the fight.’

With the help of Theology of the Body, Mila was able to see her struggles in a different light and overcome them in a way she wasn’t able to before. This emphasises the power of this teaching to change our lives.

What we can learn from Mila and Theology of the Body

‘If I am a mess, I am unlovable. If I am a mess, I am unlovable.’ 

Mila quotes this from Christopher West, a renowned teacher on the Theology of the Body. This is something we all fall into – the trap of thinking we are too messy, broken, and imperfect for God to love. But the truth is, God loves us unconditionally and that isn’t based on our performance or ability.

‘In our lives there may be a couple of things that if we lack or if we don't do it correctly we will be unlovable.’ 

What do the voices of the world say you need to possess to be loved? We are told to compare ourselves based on worldly possessions and achievements. But again, God’s love isn’t based on this.     

Man cannot live without love. He remains a being that is incomprehensible for himself, his life is senseless, if love is not revealed to him, if he does not encounter love, if he does not experience it and make it his own, if he does not participate intimately in it – St. John Paul II.

These words of St John Paul II that Mila mentions is fundamental for understanding the significance of love.

‘I know that my dignity and my worth rests on the mere fact that I was made in the image and likeness of God. I know that while my feelings are important, they need to be orientated towards my final end – my telos as the philosophers call it, which is spiritual life. You were made for greatness not just a fruitful life but for eternal life that you are unique unrepeatable and irreducible not just in a secular sense of uniqueness but in the deepest sense that you were made in the image and likeness of God and only you can reflect that part of God, nobody else can and this greatness is a greatness that exceeds the limits of this world.’

This is a very profound point made by Mila. When we appreciate these characteristics, how we view ourselves and others changes.

‘Through the language of Christ's body on the Cross, Christ has already affirmed my worth. He has already told me I am unique, unrepeatable and irreducible. The only reason I haven't accepted it is because I do not look at him and I do not allow him to look at me. Yet even in my darkest hour the beatific vision of Christ and the Church has never left me, that regardless of what happens, I know I have been made for more.’

This is a perfect summary of the talk. Mila has made a journey from low self-worth to acknowledging her true self-worth and dignity as ‘unique, unrepeatable and irreducible’ in Christ with the help of the teachings of Theology of the Body. I hope we are also able to have a better understanding of ourselves in this way. 

For those interested to participate in the Set Free TOB webinars, please contact setfreesummit20@gmail.com.

Steffi Siby lives in Blackpool, England. She blogs at spreadyoursmile.home.blog. She also writes articles about her faith and hopes to spread the light and love of the gospel through her words.