Understanding and Navigating Life beyond ‘Everything Will Be Alright’ | KAIROS GLOBAL | APRIL 2024

Author: Dr Joseph Sebastian

Intro: Dr Joseph Sebastian takes us on a journey through pain, past the oft-heard titular refrain, and into the hope that Christ offers us. 

As humans navigating the trials of everyday life, we often find solace in the reassuring words of friends, family, and well-wishers who offer a comforting, ‘Don't worry, everything will be fine.’ For those rooted in a charismatic background, this sentiment might be accompanied by a spirited ‘Praise God’.  More enthusiastic ones may share the familiar Bible verse, Romans 8:28: We know that in everything God works for good…

Yet, what lies beyond these assurances? What unfolds after the echo of ‘everything will be alright’ fades away? In many cases, the journey onward becomes a solitary walk, often unclear if it's truly forward and a path veiled in uncertainty. Some claim to have moved on from past pain, stating that they live with great hope, leaving the past behind. But is that as easy as said?

Life, according to John 10:10, is not merely about managing; it's about living it to the fullest – both here and after. It's why the Father sent his Son for us (John 3:16) so that we may not perish but have eternal life.

Disclaimer: This article is focussed more on those who have really confronted their pain and believe that they are past it.  Those who have experienced intense trauma, pain and or loss and have not yet reconciled with the experience should get professional help and spiritual guidance as needed. Also, the article respectfully acknowledges all persons who have undergone intense loss, pain and or trauma. Each one’s pain is different and unique and each one has to walk their way with our Lord, on a path that no other has walked – except the way of the cross, defining the way of the cross as a personal journey.

A Day of Loss: In the aftermath of a loss or some trauma, we have all our close people (family, friends, colleagues, and neighbours) come over, console and just be around with us. All of this is needed and most often helps the person/s who are undergoing the pain to stay sane, grieve and come to terms with immediate life. But past the initial days, we are left to ourselves and then the hard reality of what we went through hits us again at a different level.

During this phase psychological therapies, spiritual support and our own strong mental and spiritual upbringing help us. We start to settle down and believe that we are moving on. We start believing that everything is or will be alright.

But then frankly, what is beyond everything will be alright. In most cases if not all – it’s a solitary walk. We generally hear people say – Oh I have moved on from that pain. Oh I am living with great hope, all what happened is far behind me. This is what we would define as moving on.  Kind of left what happened where it was, and we have moved on.  But what is needed is explained beautifully by Nora McInerny, in her Ted Talk: We don't ‘move on’ from grief. We move forward with it. Yes you read it right – we have to move forward with it and not move on from it. 

All that has happened in our life has affected us – some in a minor way, some in profound ways. But when it comes to major incidents like death, losses, trauma and pain, the impact is always profound. The instance will surely impact our personality and how we look at life. So the key part is moving forward taking what has happened and not moving on leaving behind what has happened.

The Lurking Shadows of Pain: The harsh reality is that pain has a persistent way of resurfacing, sometimes unexpectedly and with intensified force. Despite assurances, echoes of past trauma may reverberate, threatening to disrupt the peace we strive to cultivate. The journey forward, initially embraced with hope, encounters unexpected bends where shadows of pain cast a looming presence.

Instances when the pain resurfaces often catch us off guard, manifesting in uncertainty, economic burdens, responsibilities at a very young age, and even the betrayal of those we believed would stand by us. A scent, a sound, or a passing glance may trigger haunting memories, causing the wounds we thought had healed to reopen. This resurgence of pain can feel like a relentless tide, pulling us back into the depths of despair.

Threats to Living Itself: Moreover, the weight of accumulated pain may reach a point where it threatens not only emotional well-being but existence itself. The overwhelming burden of unresolved trauma can lead to mental health struggles, shrouding the path forward in persistent darkness. Depression, anxiety, and thoughts of self-harm may become harsh realities for many grappling with the enduring impact of past pain.

Recognising these challenges underscores that the journey forward is not a linear progression but a complex, tumultuous passage. The echoes of ‘everything will be alright’ sometimes proves insufficient in providing sustained comfort when faced with the relentless return of pain.

Moreover, those who have shared these comforting words are rarely present during the often solitary walk, where the challenges, pain, and the unknown cannot be expressed or comprehended. There are times when the lurking darkness makes us despair.

Shared Pain, Shared Changes: In the pain we endure, the experiences are not merely personal; those close to us, often relied upon, also face their set of pains and challenges. In the untimely death of a middle-aged father, young adult or teen kids feel the trauma, and their mother, previously a pillar of strength, is also impacted. She is no longer the old mother they had known. So, not only is there a loss, but the people living and close to us also undergo change.

This can be the case of a husband and wife who were there for each other as great support, but changed dramatically and no longer can support each other after they lost their child.  

The Call for Genuine Hope: Amidst these struggles, there arises a crucial need for genuine hope—a hope that acknowledges the cyclical nature of healing, a hope that doesn't shy away from resurfacing pain but confronts it with resilience. This genuine hope goes beyond mere assurances and bravely faces recurring shadows, guiding individuals through the darkest valleys of their lives.

Cultivating Genuine Hope

Genuine Acknowledgment: Recognise and embrace the emotions associated with past experiences. Authenticity is key to moving forward with hope. Consider the example of Joseph in the Bible (Genesis 45:1-15), who faced betrayal and hardship but eventually forgave his brothers, finding reconciliation and purpose.

Faith Perspective: Ground your hope in faith, drawing strength from your spiritual beliefs. Seek comfort in scriptures that resonate with your struggles. In addition to biblical examples, from a Christian living perspective, consider incorporating these practices:

• Regular Mass Attendance: Actively participating in the sacrament of the Holy Mass provides spiritual nourishment and a sense of community. The communal aspect of worship reinforces the understanding that you are not alone in your journey.

• Confession: Receiving the sacrament of reconciliation allows for a genuine acknowledgment of one's shortcomings and provides a pathway for healing. The act of confessing and seeking forgiveness contributes to the renewal of hope.

• Fellowship and Community Engagement: Engage in fellowship with like-minded individuals who share your faith. Participate in Christian communities or small groups where experiences, struggles, and victories can be openly shared, fostering a sense of belonging.

• Sharing in Others' Pain: Actively participating in the pain and struggles of others through acts of kindness, compassion, and empathy can provide a broader perspective. This shared experience strengthens the bonds of community and offers a mutual support system.

  
  

Community Support: Surround yourself with a community that understands and supports your journey. Shared experiences can foster healing and hope. The story of Ruth and Naomi (Ruth 1:16-17) illustrates the power of companionship and mutual support during difficult times.

Learning, connecting and mentorship towards Growth: View challenges as opportunities for learning and growth. Each obstacle can contribute to your resilience and strength. The Apostle Paul, in his letters, often emphasises the transformative power of hardships, such as in Romans 5:3-5. From a Christian living perspective, consider incorporating these practices:

• Studying Scripture: Delve deeper into the Bible to find wisdom and guidance in times of adversity. Scripture offer timeless lessons that can provide a foundation for personal growth and resilience.

  
  

• Seeking Mentorship: Learning from the experiences of mentors within the Christian community can provide valuable insights and guidance.

  
  

• Learn from Experiences of others: Connect with individuals who have navigated similar challenges and emerged stronger.

  
  

Purposeful Living: Define your purpose and goals. Moving forward with hope involves actively pursuing a meaningful and purposeful life. Consider the example of Peter, who, despite his denial of Jesus, found redemption and a renewed purpose in spreading the gospel (John 21:15-19). From a Christian living perspective, incorporate these practices:

• Service and Giving: Engage in acts of service and generosity towards others. The act of giving reflects Christ's teachings and contributes to a sense of purpose and fulfilment.

  
  

• Letting Go through Faith: Recognise the transformative power of letting go, surrendering your burdens to God through prayer, and trusting in his divine plan. Letting go allows for a more profound connection with God and a release from the weight of past struggles.

  
  

Cultivating genuine hope encompasses not only personal acknowledgment but also an active engagement with one's faith community, a commitment to continuous learning, and a purpose-driven life rooted in Christian values. The key point is that it’s not about being okay, it's about living a fulfilling life. A life which is good soil as shared in Matthew 13:8, Other seeds fell on good soil and brought forth grain, some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. 

Hope is not an escape from reality but a courageous acknowledgment that, despite life's difficulties, there is a path forward. As Christians, we can find inspiration in biblical figures who faced trials yet held onto hope. Moving forward with hope entails carrying the lessons and experiences of the past while confidently stepping into the future. It’s about finding solace in the journey forward, embracing hope as a guiding light, and living life to its fullness!

Dr Joseph Sebastian is a professional social worker. He has been working with and for the youth for the past three decades and presently heads a global philanthropy. He lives in Kerala, India with his wife Darlin and their two children.