THE GUILT TRIP - A SPIRITUAL SETBACK | KAIROS GLOBAL | AUGUST 2021

Author: Shanice Castellino

Intro: Shanice Castellino talks about her experiences with spiritual guilt and ways in which we can overcome it. 

Like most schoolgoing Christian children, I spent a fair amount of time having the Ten Commandments drilled into my system during catechism class. The awareness about the don’ts of Christian life have led me to develop a conscience that has often kept me from getting into trouble. Being clear about the sins that one must not commit, I was later introduced to the sins of omission, which then took things to a whole new level. In simple words, ‘sins of omission’ would mean failure to do something one can and ought to do. This could be any good action or deed that should’ve/ could’ve been done, but was skipped. These types of sin urge you to feel accountable for your time, talents and wealth. After heavily focussing on things I mustn’t do, I then glanced at what I ought to be doing. The Jesus Youth Movement gave me ample opportunities to reach out and be part of something bigger.

As time went by I began having more on my plate than I could handle, but when laziness and procrastination crept in, I knew that I had bit into way more than I could chew. There was always so much more that I wanted to do, but could never keep up. The very things that once brought me so much joy and fulfilment, began to feel forced; in regards to both ‘faith’ and ‘works’. The dry spells of my life grew longer as I lost sight of the core of my life, my Abba Father. My relationship with him took a big hit when my time with the Father diminished.

Many a day were spent being overwhelmed with guilt, feeling like the second son who immediately said ‘Yes’, agreeing to do the Father’s work, but failing to do it (Matthew 21:28-32). The knowledge of the sin of omission along with the guilt of not meeting the expectations I set for myself, left me miserable. Missing a daily prayer commitment like Holy Mass or Rosary, not attending a meeting or an outreach programme left me restless, feeling that I had disappointed my God. I distinctly remember counting remorsefully the number of days gone by without prayer, thinking if I’d ever be able to bounce back from the piling up of things not done.

Not until very recently did I give serious thought to these ‘guilt trips’ and the effect it had on me. I noticed the tendency of adding on item after item to my already stacked ‘to-do’ list with complete disregard to how much I could actually handle. Setting unrealistic expectations is most certainly setting oneself up for failure. Our zealous youth makes us believe that we can conquer the world, but at what cost.

I write this because many youth are riddled with guilt just as me. So many young missionaries have a constant playback track in their mind saying ‘I’m not good enough’ or ‘I haven’t done anything’. These could surely be signs of humility but could also be a form of unnecessary negative self-talk, making spirituality and mission work a kind of competition with oneself. For me it meant pushing myself, until the point of giving up on my spirituality and mission as a whole. 

Looking back I think, why wouldn’t one feel despair and discouraged? Every talk or session I attended led me to believe that I wasn’t doing enough. I was being asked to do more and even challenge myself, without being told what to do if I couldn’t keep up. I was being trained to gear up to fight spiritual battles, without giving much regard to my humanness. 

Thankfully, our God is way more accommodating and kind than you can imagine. So what does one do when you find yourself struggling with spiritual guilt? Always remember:

• God’s love doesn’t depend on your good deeds. You don’t have to earn God’s love. Your salvation is a free gift from God, through the merits of the death of our Lord Jesus. Nothing you could do would ever be enough. Jesus chose to die for our sake knowing that we were sinners. So don’t be so hard on yourself.

• There’s no shame in starting over. Seventy times seven is applicable to you too. Luke 9:23 says ‘take up your cross daily…’ so do not be afraid to believe that every day is a new beginning and a good time to start afresh.

• You cannot disappoint God. At times, impressing our earthly parents and living up to their expectations condition the way we relate to God the Father. It makes us think that we need to earn God’s favour and love in return for our good actions; but there’s truly nothing that can separate us from the love of God. He knows you better than you know yourself (Jeremiah 1:5).

• Be honest and kind to yourself, for God surely is. The Lord knows what we are made of and is gentle and merciful to us (Psalm 103:13-14). When feeling overwhelmed, it is okay to take some time off. It is also okay to say ‘NO’. Being honest with yourself will keep you realistic and more understanding to those around you. Being too stringent with yourself will also lead you to set equivalent standards to those around, and there lies a serious threat of engaging in spiritual pride. 

• Don’t worry, Jesus prays for you. It may seem hard to believe, but he does (John 17:6-9) Jesus being fully human and fully divine knows exactly what it is like to be you and me. He understands and he still has hope in you. Only Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever. 

Shanice Castellino is a high school teacher from Mumbai, India. She is also a freelance writer and travel enthusiast.