RISING ABOVE MISUNDERSTANDING | KAIROS GLOBAL | FEBRUARY 2024

Author: Dr Joseph Sebastian

Intro: How do we deal with situations where we are not understood? Dr Joseph Sebastian tells us how we can empower ourselves through faith. 

In the whole spectrum of human emotions, there's a distinct ache that arises when our thoughts and feelings are not understood. This internal discord can be incredibly distressing, leading to feelings of isolation and frustration, and sometimes making us not interested in anything. However, within this pain lies a transformative journey toward self-discovery and self-acceptance. Let us try to explore the depth of this anguish and hopefully a faith and solution focused approach to wade through it.

Understanding the Pain of not being Understood

The pain of not being understood is a deeply personal experience, often leaving us feeling invalidated and alone.  The key is to acknowledge this pain without judgment. Recognise that your feelings are valid, and it's okay to feel this way. Self-compassion forms the foundation upon which the healing process begins.

Psalm 34:18 says, The Lord is near to the broken hearted and saves the crushed in spirit. This verse resonates with the pain of not being understood, reminding us that even in our deepest struggles, there is a divine presence that comprehends our anguish.

EMPOWERING SELF-UNDERSTANDING

Self-Reflection:  Take time to be alone and to reflect on your emotions and thoughts. Journaling can be a powerful tool. Write down your feelings, uncertainties, and desires. Through this process, you can gain clarity about your emotions and begin to understand yourself better.

Seek Clarity: Sometimes, the pain of not being understood arises from miscommunication or unspoken expectations. Consider having an open and honest conversation with the person involved. Express your feelings calmly, focusing on ‘I’ statements to avoid sounding accusatory.

Embrace Vulnerability: Being vulnerable is not a sign of weakness; it's a testament to your strength. Allow yourself to be open about your emotions, even if it feels uncomfortable. Vulnerability fosters genuine connections with others, enabling them to understand your feelings more deeply.

Cultivate Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a close friend. Acknowledge your pain and respond to yourself with love and care. Remember, it's okay not to be perfect, and it's okay to feel the way you do.

EMPOWERING SELF-UNDERSTANDING THROUGH FAITH

Prayer and Reflection: Turn to prayer and reflection as powerful tools in your moments of distress. In Philippians 4:6-7, we are encouraged, Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Prayer allows you to communicate your deepest feelings to God, finding solace in his presence.

Understanding Jesus' Compassion: In Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus invites us, Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Reflect on Jesus' empathy and understanding. He, too, faced challenges and rejection, making him a compassionate ally in your struggles.

EMBRACING ACCEPTANCE AND GROWTH

Accept Imperfections: First step to any acceptance is self-acceptance especially your imperfections and uniqueness. You are a complex, multifaceted individual, and not everyone will fully comprehend your depth. Accepting this reality can alleviate the pain of seeking constant validation from others.

Focus on Self-Growth: Use this period of self-reflection to focus on personal growth. Engage in activities that bring you joy, learn new skills, and nurture your passions. Investing in yourself can boost self-confidence and provide a sense of fulfilment beyond external validation.

Connect with Like-Minded Souls: Seek out individuals who share your passions and interests. Being around like-minded people can create a sense of belonging and understanding, diminishing the pain of not being understood.

EMBRACING ACCEPTANCE AND GROWTH THROUGH FAITH

God's Unconditional Love: Regardless of your struggles, remember Jeremiah 29:11, For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. God's love is steadfast and unwavering. Embrace this love, finding comfort in the knowledge that you are deeply understood and cherished.

Self-Reflection and Forgiveness:  Have you ever find yourself thinking, ‘Why did I do that?’ Well, even in the Bible, in Psalm 139:23-24, David's says, Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. It's all about taking a moment, being real about your mess-ups, and saying, ‘I want to be better!’ It’s not about being perfect, just about growing and feeling good about it!

Building Bridges: Actively work on building understanding with others. Romans 14:19 encourages, Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Strive for open communication, empathy, and patience in your relationships, bridging the gap between understanding and being understood.

In real spiritual living, people of all backgrounds can find solace and understanding. By accepting yourself, focusing on understanding and growth, delving into the wisdom of the Bible and Christian fellowship, practising empathy, and seeking guidance, you can navigate the turbulent seas that you are going through with grace and resilience. Remember, the divine presence understands your pain, and through self-reflection and compassionate connections, you can find the understanding and support you seek in your journey toward self-discovery.

Dr Joseph Sebastian is a professional social worker. He has been working with and for the youth for the past three decades and presently heads a global philanthropy. He lives in Kerala, India with his wife Darlin and their two children.