PREPARING YOUNG PEOPLE FOR FAMILY LIFE | KAIROS GLOBAL | JANUARY 2024

Author: Dr Edward Edezhath

Sometimes, imaginative stories bring alive the life of Jesus and his times very vividly.  Many years ago, after watching the film Ben-Hur I became fascinated with fictional narratives of Biblical times. I got hold of some Bible-themed historical novels and started reading them. One interesting scene still sticks in my mind. St Peter was in a growing Christian community in Rome, where he closely associates with the love relationships of different people. Among them, a young man and woman grow close to each other. He gently arranges occasions where they can meet alone so that they will fall in love. Finally, one day, after a long walk, they return to tell him that they are committing to each other for life and going to get married. Hearing this, the old apostle was ecstatic and praised God for his great work. Reading this I thought, sometimes we forget that holiness is not only about prayer, but living our life as God wants us to live.

When young people fall in love

Mature and level-headed elders are a blessing when youth find storms raging. A long time back, a lot of discussion arose when two young leaders from a group decided to marry. Many youths somehow felt betrayed. Was it jealousy or some cultural shock? Many elders said that developments like this would distract youth from following a spiritual path. 

When the elders’ team met, someone raised the issue. Some expressed the above sentiments, but two people, James Abraham and Fr Augustine, took a positive stand. They referred to traditional communities where, when a boy or girl reaches marriageable age, the elders consider it their responsibility to find a suitable life partner for them. ‘It is a great blessing when youngsters find good partners from communities with the same faith values. We must do everything possible to encourage and help them.’ I could find parallels between the rejoicing of St Peter in the novel and James Abraham and Fr Thuruthimattom blessing the love relationships in the groups.

Falling in love and preparing for a beautiful married life is an important part of a young person’s growth in holiness. Of course, relationships are so beautiful we approach them with love and purity. And you cannot put rigid rules and laws. Instead, every relationship is a matter of beauty and wonderment, so we approach them with much listening and prayer. This is especially true when we see young people come closer.

Jesus Youth communities play a special role

‘How did you meet your wife? How did that lead to your marriage?’ Young people repeatedly asked me this question. They are eager to learn how I prepared for my marriage. On my part, I am happy to share my beautiful journey with them. There were many elements in my coming to the big decision and entering into a family life. My life with the Lord and journey in Jesus Youth was very important to me. Then, I was a part of a loving and active community. In it, there were very good and wise elders with whom I could talk and receive support. I was surrounded by many youthful friends, both men and women. I journeyed with them on active missions of different kinds. Finally, my own family was very supportive of my missionary life and my personal choices and our ethos and culture were important to me.

A community is built when real-life issues are dealt with therein. When a young man or woman finds that others support and help in the most important decisions of life, one truly becomes part of that group. So, a good community should always ask how it can help youth towards their journey to family life. 

Have Jesus and his Kingdom at the centre: One’s life decisions are at the heart of one’s spirituality. When a youth makes Jesus and his Kingdom the heart of those decisions that is the best journey to holiness.

Discuss love, sexuality, and relationships: These are important matters in the life of everyone, especially the young. Not through listening to classes but by discussing thoughts and ideas, a vision of life develops in young people. So we must have dedicated time in our groups to discuss these life-focused topics.

Have trusted seniors to listen to and accompany: Trust develops through long interaction, and then people open their hearts. A good Christian community is one in which there are such elders.

Have peacemakers or bridge builders: Friendships, especially between men and women, abound in tensions and conflicts. There we will need the interventions of peacemakers.

Build joyful and loving communities: Courtship and marriage are big yet joyful life events. That’s why the Bible begins and ends with reference to marriage. What God brings together man should not divide (Matthew 19:6). More than that, when God brings together a man and a woman, the whole community should rejoice and come together to help them live and celebrate the fullness of life.  We always do it and should continue to do it, realising that it is a God-given mission. 

Pope Francis urges us in Amoris Laetitia, ‘The complexity of today’s society and the challenges faced by the family require a greater effort on the part of the whole Christian community in preparing those who are about to be married’ (206). Most of the big challenges we see around us are related to the family. The best remedy for it is to prepare those who are entering it lovingly and joyfully. Jesus Youth communities are excellent platforms to do it in a friendly and effective manner.