MARRIAGE VS. LIVING TOGETHER | KAIROS GLOBAL | MARCH 2024

Author: Alice Mathew

Intro: Taking a look at marriage and living together, Alice Mathew reasons why the latter is an unreasonable choice. 

MARRIAGE

The Bible begins with the account of the creation of man and woman in the image and likeness of God. And it closes with the vision of the wedding feast of the Lamb. (CCC 1602) The Bible stresses that man was created for woman, and the woman for man. It is not fitting for man to be alone (Genesis 2:16). Therefore man will …cling to his wife (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5; Ephesians 5:31).

Pope John Paul II begins his discussion on the duties of the family in his apostolic exhortation Familiaris Consortio with the words, ‘Family, become what you are.’ These words bring out the gravity, significance and responsibility of the great gift of the family.

Call to Perfection

All sacraments are channels of God’s grace. No one enters into matrimony in a state of perfection. Jesus is in the midst of the couple from the very beginning of their married life. On receiving the grace poured out by God, they are transformed into the perfection God wills for them.

Act of Surrender

During the ceremony, the couple vow to love each other unconditionally. This is the focal point in marriage. What everyone in the world desires most is to have someone to love and cherish. One cannot sincerely and steadfastly love the person to whom one is joined together in marriage without total surrender. It is God who guides and leads them to this surrender.

A Celebration

Marriage celebrates love. It is a celebration of God’s love and human love. The love of God and human love are integrated in marriage. Marriage celebrates the witness of the couple to God’s love on earth.

A Challenge

Two different people from different families and cultures are united in marriage. This poses a great challenge for the couple. It is a challenge to accept, to respect, to give in, to forgive and to live selflessly. It is those who are afraid and want to escape from these challenges that cause disintegration in the world.

LIVING TOGETHER

It is the decision of two people to live together without the blessing of God and protection of the sacrament. It is not only a religious issue; it is a sociological problem as well. Widespread efforts are being made to give it social recognition. The consequences can be devastating.

Legal Issue

The current legal system allows a man and woman who have reached adulthood to live together. Hence, there is no legal prohibition. It is possible for a man and woman to live together if they independently make up their minds to do so. 

Despite legal acceptance, it must be acknowledged that there are legal consequences as well. When members of the opposite sex live together, it is highly likely to develop into a sexual relationship and result in offspring. Do these partners have the responsibility of taking care of these children, of educating and bringing them up as responsible citizens? The answer is ‘No’. Similarly, do the children have the right to expect anything from their parents such as the right of inheritance? The answer is again, ‘No’. Since they are not legally married, the partners can go their separate ways whenever they want. They are free to enter into other relationships. It is the children who bear the consequences. They practically become orphans now. Even if only one of the partners wants to separate, the other partner is helpless to prevent the break up. Neither the partner nor the children have legal protection or rights.

Sociological Issue

The growth and development of irresponsible citizens, who want to love without responsibility, can drastically affect society. True love accepts responsibility of the beloved. Otherwise, it has no value. It is to be seen as nothing but an instinct. 

Fundamentally, every society demands order. Such unhealthy tendencies disrupt the order and bring about utter chaos in society. 

We know the young ones of animals are ready to leave their parents within hours of their birth and live on their own. But this is not the case with human children. The human child needs love, care and attention to thrive. But children of parents living together are at risk of being denied these basic needs. What will become of children who grow up under such circumstances? Who will accept blame for the negative consequences?

Ethical/Moral Issues

What is the purpose of marriage? To love and to support each other and to give birth and responsibly care for their children, thus forming a stable foundation for society. Marriage is oriented towards life. Life and values are to be passed on to the next generation. That is how order is maintained in society.

What is the purpose of those living together? They do not uphold life, they are not ready to commit to another, and they do not accept the ethical order of the society. We would then have to call it unethical, immoral and unnatural. This way of life is unfavourable for an orderly life, and a cultured and lawful society. Nothing good can come out of such a lifestyle.

Alice Mathew is a soft skills trainer. She lives in Kakkanad, India with her husband and their two sons.