LISTENING TO YOUTH: AN ART AND A MISSION | KAIROS GLOBAL | DECEMBER 2023

Author: Dr Edward Edezhath

‘But you don’t listen to what I am saying!’ My daughter protested loudly. Her exam results had come. She fared poorly in one subject. At home, we were looking at her progress report. I was asking for details. And my wife started talking about what the class teacher had complained about her. The whole scene was quite tempestuous. As my daughter blurted out, I realised we were on the wrong path. I told myself, ‘This will not lead us anywhere. We need to slow down.’ We settled down and started listening.

We have often heard, ‘Listen to your elders.’ So, we have a fixed idea of who should speak and who should listen. Parents and teachers speak, and children pay attention and do what they are told. Priests and leaders speak, and the faithful listen. But should it always be so? What if we turned the tables and the parents took time to listen to children, teachers to their students, and leaders to the group members? This will change our families and communities.

A study on listening

Jesus Youth seminarian Dr Anthony came up with a proposal. Let’s study ‘listening’! A group of eight researchers got together and did a six-month-long study. Each of us went deep into some aspect of listening. A few times, we came together to exchange notes. Something beautiful emerged from all this. 

Listening is an attitude and a skill. Our one particular focus was the life of young people and how we listen to them. Knowing the specialties of today’s youth will be crucial for good listening and better relationships with them. We also wanted to hear from the youth themselves about their listening experiences. Hundreds of youths responded to a survey. Some of them were interviewed. All these were quite interesting and useful. 

Of course, one mistake most elders and teachers make is to tell themselves, ‘I, too, was a youth, and I know it all.’ If we don’t want to learn, there won't be any listening. For good listening, you need an inner conversion. I may have to change my attitude of self-sufficiency and tell myself, ‘I don’t know it all. I can learn something more from this person.’ This step can also be getting out of my prejudice or anger. As I did with my daughter, amid an argument or fight, I should stop myself and decide to listen to the other person and, if needed, change my stand.

One final product of the study was a book called The Art of Listening to Young People. It was published in August 2022. The book's first part discusses how listening is a special call because God listens to each of us. One section handles today’s young people and their specialties. There are different types of listening, and each is a specialty type; another part discusses that. Our team consisted of a couple of experts in psychology. Hence, two sections focus on the dynamics of listening: one talking about the methods and another on the problems and hurdles.

One happy outcome of the research and the book was the training programmes that followed it. For the first one, about a hundred Jesus Youth leaders and animators gathered for a weekend coaching on ‘How to listen to young people better.’ Most people thought they were good listeners, but the new insights opened them to new needs and possibilities.

Proper listening is the foundation of good family relationships. In the Jesus Youth movement and for helping young people, a culture of listening is very important.

Today, listening assumes greater importance

Pope Francis often highlights listening. Listening corresponds to the humble style of God. He says that today, people have a great need to be listened to. Freely giving our time to listen to people is the first act of charity. Authentic listening is the foundation of genuine relationships.

I practise some simple listening techniques. When I go for talks, I always start the session by listening to them first. If it is a group of fifty or sixty youths in a parish, the group will play fun games to relax or get to know each other after the initial welcome and introductions. To begin my talk, I would ask the group to discuss some questions. For me, that is the time for the group to relax and an opportunity for me to get to know them in their natural setting. I don’t want a crowd of listeners, but a group of friends for a friendly exchange.

Something similar happens when someone comes to talk to me. Or it could be a small team of youth. If they come home, we would eat a meal together. I will ask some small questions, and they will share about themselves. Gently, I get to know them. Then, we begin to go into more content matters. Friendly listening is the best setting for any journey together.

A tool for personal growth, community building, and mission

What are some of the contexts in which intentional listening comes in handy?

1. In prayer, start with listening to His presence and my inner movements.

2. As you read the Bible, heed the Holy Spirit's guidance.

3. When you are worried, afraid, and troubled, calm yourself with a song or prayer and listen.

4. As you meet and greet people, remember they are God’s image. Look at them and listen!

5. Someone comes with a burden or hurt. Be present, listen, and respond.

6. A person shares a good idea or dream. Be open. Listen to the person and the Lord speaking.

7. In a group, attend to the Body of Christ with many parts and God working towards unity.

8. Listen to the path of oneness and forgiveness during conflict and fighting instead of judging who is right.

9. With someone poor and in need, listen to the presence of Christ and respond.

10. In the face of a challenge, a community in the spirit of synodality comes together in prayer, listening to one another. Then, the Spirit leads them into a mission.

    
    

About the little storm at home, when I quietened myself and decided to listen, that was the beginning of a positive change. For every Jesus Youth in their personal journey, community life, and on the field of mission, listening becomes a potent tool to connect and build the Kingdom of God.