LESSONS FROM THE LORD'S MARK | KAIROS GLOBAL | DECEMBER 2022

Author: Dr Sherin John

Intro: What does a doctor do when confronted with one’s own serious illnesses? Dr Sherin John shares lessons she learnt in faith and in being a doctor. 

The papillary carcinoma diagnosis changed my life and body forever. I was immediately thrown into a medical vortex. Being an MBBS student at Medical College, Trivandrum, I knew that science was behind almost everything but the journey I went through helped me realise certain life incidents are way beyond mere science. With that let me tell you what exactly happened in my life.

During my third year of MBBS, I felt a small swelling on my neck. Such a teeny-weeny one that many of the post-graduate surgeons I consulted said there could be no trace of nodules, and some even made fun of me saying it was just part of my ‘third-year syndrome’ and whatnot! Immediately, I dropped the plan of examining it further thinking the same. Meanwhile, I was an active member of a Jesus Youth prayer group. We were guided by so many spiritual elders who were none other than our senior doctors. One of them was blessed with the gift of prophecy.

Well, on the day I completed my house-surgency, we had a winding prayer session before leaving Medical College. Right after the prayer, the elder I mentioned above asked if I had thyroid issues, to which I confidently said no. But then he ‘prophesied’ that I would have to undergo a thyroidectomy later in life. 

I was perplexed at first but later on, I somehow began to feel like it was a message from the Almighty. 

That elder was so particular about getting my thyroid checked. Accordingly, I consulted surgeons once again, this time with a weight in my heart though. Out of the three I consulted, one of them noticed the presence of a small nodule. Well, I consider the privilege of having these many consultations only because I myself was a doctor! Wasn’t that a part of God's plan again? Otherwise I'd have definitely missed out on this tiny little bulge. Finally decided on having an USG (ultrasound). The conclusion being a 2 cm nodule. But then the pathologist at the medical college struggled pretty hard to find the nodule while carrying out my FNAC (fine needle aspiration). The conclusion that came after two long and struggling attempts of FNAC in fact was thyroiditis! 

I ran straight with my FNAC report to my elder and asked him right away, ‘Who on Earth will carry out a thyroidectomy for thyroiditis?!’ He remained poised for a few seconds and said once again, but this time resolutely that I would undergo thyroidectomy because only that would heal my actual ailment. I didn't want to doubt God this time. He advised me to consult the doctors at RCC (Regional Cancer Centre), Trivandrum. 

Even at RCC, I was initially made fun of, as nothing significantly clinical could be found. Seeing me standing my ground, they agreed to take an FNAC after thoroughly studying my USG report. The FNAC result stated papillary carcinoma… The Lord's messenger was absolutely right. How could he be wrong... for he was sent by the Way and the Truth, the Lord Almighty! Thyroidectomy had turned out to be the only way to cure my ailment just as the man prophesied. 

Well, I was absolutely at peace because this was a diagnosis made by the Almighty and I trusted it as his plan completely and that it would be the best blessing I could ever ask for! I remained hopeful regarding the journey ahead because with the Lord on my side, the whole process was going to be bearable. And I didn't doubt this at all. 

And when all my friends started prepping for their PG entrance tests, I was left with no choice but to be at RCC and prepare myself for the upcoming surgery. Days weren't easy at all. But I could experience the Lord's love the most during those days and felt as if I was being carried on the mighty shoulders of the Lord. 

After three long months I came back to the hostel and began preparations for the exam with limited physical strength yet unbeatable faith. Slowly, indeed very slowly, I tried to get my life back on track. But the moment I thought I was ready to pour the necessary fuel to my God-given second chance in a more productive and hopeful manner, life threw its next surprise for which I was simply unprepared. I happened to notice a swelling that appeared, disappeared, reappeared and again disappeared, all within a few hours. I rushed to meet my surgeon, who on hearing this labelled me apprehensive and added, doctors are actually the worst patients. 

There, exactly at that point, I learnt something truly important, something mentioned nowhere in any of the medical books I held close to my heart: what a doctor should not be. From his response I realised how carefully I, as a doctor, should pay attention to even the most insignificant concerns of a patient who comes with a lot of hope to me – that I should open-heartedly lend a ear to what they have to share. 

Well, my body had been continually loaded with various kinds of antibiotics for about six months that I even wondered if it was actually my so-called paranoia! Things went on this way until there was a visibly large swelling. I got it tested and the report stated ‘metastatic node pressing on major neck vessels’. On receiving the report I contacted RCC and they called me up for a review. This case was kept at the tumour board of RCC for a discussion. The doctors there discussed my case in front of me detailing all the prognosis without even thinking that I was a doctor by profession. I had to forcefully take those conclusions with a pinch of salt. This made me realise how prudent I had to be when I break unfavourable news to my patients

And today when my patients say we simply just love coming and meeting you because that itself takes a major share of our diseases away. Ah! Thanks to all that I have been through. Moreover, I'll never tire of glorifying the Lord. Only he could take me through tougher paths to toughen me up and make me wiser by helping me understand what it takes to be a true healer. 

Getting back to the point from which I diverted, I had to undergo a second sitting neck dissection for the pathology report which turned out to be ‘suture granuloma’. It wasn't a metastatic spread but an allergy I developed to the suture material used previously.  And while being bombarded with n number of hospital visits, this time for my exploratory surgery, what I finally earned was a year's loss…

I had to watch my friends get into their post-graduate courses while I had to just wait and prepare patiently a year more to join my MD course that too as a junior to my friends. I understood how one feels left out. But then again the Lord miraculously intervened in my life – I learned that I was called to be an ophthalmologist. To be frank, it was one of the specialities I hated the most. 

During my preparations which lasted almost a year, I continued praying to God not to make me an ophthalmologist! I cracked the entrance test with reasonably good rank and could actually choose any speciality I needed but I chose the one I disliked – ophthalmology! But now after a decade's practice, I consider it the best choice I made. I still look with wonder at how the Lord knew me more than I knew myself! 

Looking back, I guess I somehow got acquainted with surgeries, given that I underwent a total of four surgeries under GA excluding my three Caesarean-sections: two thyroid sessions followed by a laparoscopy for endometriosis, treatment for infertility – almost six cycles with no result… and ultimately when they suggested IVF, I trusted in the Lord's time rather than taking a step to artificially create a baby. Six months later, without any treatment and with the immense power of prayer, I conceived. And since there were many more lessons the Lord wanted to teach me, I came across the news of having lost that child, exactly two months later. 

My PG days after this turned hopeless and traumatic, a pain so intense that I couldn't bear at all. My teachers accused me of being absent-minded without making an effort to understand, leaving me with yet another life lesson, how a teacher should not be! Trials after trials, faith tests after faith tests, after three months I conceived my first angel, Jonathan and then Jayden spontaneously; with this God, the creator had shut the mouth of those who said that I was barren... teaching me so many lessons in between.

My mother-in-law always wanted us to have a girl in addition to the boy(s) we have. But on a practical note, after Jayden, both my professional and family situations weren't that manageable and I wasn't ready for a third baby. I even had intense abdominal pain during menstruation a year prior to this. Taking into account the severity of my pain, I consulted my best friend, a leading gynaecologist and infertility consultant. She examined me and concluded that I had severe endometriosis. Jokingly, she said that my mother-in-law better abandon her dreams of having a granddaughter, as my uterus was too weak to conceive.

About three months later during a prayer session, my elder friend told me that I would be blessed with a third child, that too a girl. I strongly objected it, keeping in mind the medical aspects; the thought that having two itself was driving me crazy! 

A week later, I surprisingly came to know that I was pregnant... God has been so, so great, I thought, and thanked him. 

Well in life, joy and woe are woven fine. Times of trial never ended with such joyful news.

When we went for our third month scan, the hospital put forth the possibility of our third one being a Down syndrome baby. I was ‘advised’ to think of the consequences and terminate the baby. But how could it be, I thought. I wept like a child in front of the Lord. I poured out my heart before Him. I said, ‘I can't handle any more adversity. If this is your plan, please touch the little one growing inside my womb and heal it completely for you are capable of it. Please don't let this happen the other way.’ I kept weeping. And I kept trusting. 

The next day, after doing some thorough research, we went to another hospital. The scan was repeated there and it came out normal. And today we have our precious darling, Hazel, standing as a firm answer to all of our wavering faith, proving nothing is impossible for the Almighty! 

Back then I wondered why I had to undergo an unnecessary second thyroid surgery. But today I believe the second scar that looks uglier compared to the first one carries plenty of clarifications than a normal thyroidectomy scar actually would. It has become an easier way to share with people the mightiest healer I ever know. 

I'm thankful for all of my experiences. I learnt numerous difficult lessons about who I am and what I need... how incapable I am… how compassionate I, as a doctor and moreover as a human being, ought to be. I learnt about my resilience and, in turn, my limits. Above all, I learnt how to be submissive to God. The scar on my neck is not just a surgical cut, rather it's the Lord's mark, which when closely observed reads, ‘you're fearfully and wonderfully made, and that you're my precious child.’