INFERTILITY: ALSO A GIFT FROM GOD | KAIROS GLOBAL | MARCH 2018

Author: Sherin Alexander

Intro: Sherin Alexander shares from experience on the gift of infertility from God.

Fertility is a gift from God. It is a joy to accept this gift; family and friends freely join in to proudly ogle at the adorable fruitfulness of the couple. It is not so with infertility! Then, is infertility a gift? Isn’t it the lack of the gift of fertility?

A Painful Blessing

Each month starts with hopeful expectation and ends with painful disappointment. Announcement of new pregnancies in close circles can lead to a mix of emotions: a sharing in their joy and a sad reminder of not being able to share such a news with others. The series of doctor visits, blood draws and invasive tests can take a toll on the couple: physically, mentally, spiritually and financially. In some cases, repeated encounter of questions from people can make it difficult for the couple to be in social settings. Joyful days like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day could trigger sadness as others celebrate their blessedness. As time passes on, the couple can easily slip into depression, loneliness, insecurities, irritations and maybe even marital problems.

While the pain can be so deep, this time can also call for a greater trust in the Lord. As Abraham was asked, “Is anything too hard for the Lord?” (Genesis 18:14) Saint Josemaria Escriva, the founder of Opus Dei, explains, “God in his providence has two ways of blessing marriages: one by giving them children; and the other, sometimes, because he loves them so much, by not giving them children. I don’t know which is the better blessing. In any event, let one accept his own.”  With a rooted personal relationship in Christ, the couple can grow in peace about the Lord’s providence in allowing this in their lives at this time. 

Biblical View

Children are blessings from God. “Certainly sons are a gift from the LORD, the fruit of the womb, a reward” (Psalm 127:3). This verse emphasizes the giftedness of fertility. It, however, does not imply that the opposite is a curse. 

All-powerful, all-loving, life-giving, and generous God sometimes delays the gift of fertility for certain couples. Father of faith, Abraham, prayed and waited for a son for almost 100 years. Against all medical odds, in their old age they had Isaac. Elizabeth, the wife of Zachariah, gave birth to John in their  late age as promised by God. God allowed these women to remain childless for years; in his time and according to his purpose, they gave birth. May those in similar struggle continue in their hopeful prayer, trusting that the Lord is aware of the deep sadness of the hearts and the emptiness of the womb. “Raise a glad cry, you barren one who never bore a child, break forth in jubilant song, you who have never been in labor… Do not fear, you shall not be put to shame; do not be discouraged, you shall not be disgraced..” (Isaiah 54:1-4).

Spiritual Fruitfulness

I imagined that during the wedding ceremony, God gifts each couple with a nicely wrapped invisible gift that reads “Fertility”. After long months of not becoming pregnant, I started to wonder if we did not get that box. In prayer I realized, God did give us a box; it read “Infertility” instead. Saint JoseMaria Escriva’s quote, which I came across soon after that prayer further comforted my heart: “Often God does not give children because He is asking them for something more….There is, then, no reason for feeling they are failures… If the married couple have an interior life, they will understand that God is urging them to make their lives a generous Christian service, a different apostolate from the one they would have fulfilled with their children, but an equally marvelous one… God, who always rewards, will fill with a deep joy those souls who have had the generous humility of not thinking of themselves.” 

As we persevere with hopeful anticipation, being generous with the time, energy and availability helps us to be fruitful. Through our involvement in different ministries, we are able to experience the joy of spiritual parenthood.

Community of Believers

Being part of a close community of faithful Jesus Youth has been very helpful. Just as priests and religious sisters remind us of our heavenly destinies, we remind the community that children are truly a gift from God. Fertility is an unmerited gift from God and not an entitlement. Children are to be accepted from God’s hands with gratitude and they are to be led back to God. 

Fertility is a gift from God. Infertility is also a gift from God. The blessedness of each gift is manifested differently. Being rooted in prayer can help the couple to feel peaceful and help motivate them to pursue fruitfulness in different ways as they wait for a child or discern about adoption. 

Sherin Alexander, A Jesus Youth, A Physician Assistant at a family practice, a certified Marquette Model Natural Family Planning instructor lives with her husband in Florida, USA