IN FOCUS - A JOURNEY CALLED PRAYER | KAIROS GLOBAL | FEBRUARY 2019

Author: Ammu Zachariah

Intro: God knows the way into our hearts, sometimes oblivious to us. Ammu Zachariah shares how she started a relationship with Christ and how it has guided her over the years

The first pillar of Jesus Youth is an integral part of our faith journey, Personal Prayer. It is the compass that guides you when you feel lost.

My “introduction” to personal prayer was during my undergraduate days in Bangalore, India. Interestingly, I didn’t know I was doing a personal prayer. During those Bangalore days, I had a huge crush over one of my seniors.  My friends, fed-up with listening to me, banned me from speaking about him. Bottled up, I decided to use the chapel. I was living in a Catholic dorm run by nuns. There was a 15-minute gap between our rosary and the night prayer of the nuns. That 15-minutes, sitting in a dimly lit chapel, I started talking to the crucifix about this guy.

Slowly, that 15 minutes boy-crush was replaced by my day on campus. I remember waiting to get back to our dorm so that I could share my day with the Lord. That was how my personal prayer started. And one day, I asked the Lord, “All this while, I have been talking. Why don’t you say something?” And, I heard Him loud and clear, “Because you never gave me a chance.” I couldn’t believe it. I wasn’t expecting him to respond to me. I mean, can Jesus respond to our questions? Can he talk to us? I was stunned more so, happy! And I saw how God’s hand worked in my life through those 15 minutes. He guided me in my confusions, comforted me in my loneliness, laughed with me at my silliness.

Later, I came across this sentence from CCC (2560). “Whether we realize it or not, prayer is the encounter of God's thirst with ours. God thirsts that we may thirst for him.” It stirred me. God thirsts that we might at least think about Him. I used to wonder, dream, desire that the guy I liked would at least think about me. Am I even in his thoughts? And, here’s God who felt exactly the same way I wanted. I was searching for love at the wrong places.

The personal prayer which started in that little chapel wasn’t regular over the years. I had my fair share of ups and downs. But whenever I nurtured a relationship with God, I saw the fruits. Though my prayer was predominantly conversation, there was a time when I was inspired to pray for the protection by the precious blood, over every single organ in my body. And every time I came to “medulla oblongata,” I would smile and think, “What? Really? Is this a joke? God wants me to wash my medulla oblongata with precious blood?” And one day while I was walking with a friend to our weekly prayer group, he casually asked me, “Ammuchechi, do you know how important our medulla oblongata is? One strike can paralyse you. It is one of the most important parts of our body.” I felt it was God answering me, and telling me that it is not a joke. He’s not someone who cares only about your spirituality or ministry. He cares for you as a whole. He cares about your likes, your hobbies, your interests, your food habits, and, no, you are not a joke to Him.

Here’s an incident from my friend, which I always connect with personal prayer. This was during the Pongal (Harvest) celebrations in Chennai, India. One of the games had blindfolded participants walking towards a pot, which was tied mid-air, and filled with turmeric water. Once they reach the pot, they had to try to break it, all this, blindfolded. Meanwhile, the people around will try to give their “blind” friends directions. Some of them to guide, and some to misguide. You can imagine the chaos! However, one girl managed to walk towards the pot. But, she couldn’t break it. As my friend watched, this girl ran towards her boyfriend standing next to him and said, “You know how I could reach there? All this while, I was listening to your voice.”

It got me thinking. In spite of all the commotion that was going around her, she could identify and listen to the voice of her beloved. How do you do that? Constant communication. The more you talk to the Lord, the more you can identify his voice even amidst the chaos of our life. There will be voices to distract us, misguide us. But if we can identify the voice of our beloved, we are on right track. Next, she had trust. No matter what he said, she trusted his directions. Do I trust the Lord enough to accept His will? When He says, “Let go, I have something better,” Do we trust Him? 

Prayer took on various forms over the years. Sometimes it was as Eucharistic adoration, sometimes on my bed, most often conversing, sometimes reading the bible or reciting prayers. And then, recently, before going for an interview, I asked my husband for prayers and he responded, “Make this interview a prayer.” I was confused. For me, prayer was this set time, set words, but never an action. How do I make my life a prayer? Today, even though I don’t fully understand it, I try to make every chore into a prayer. When I clean the house, wash the dishes, do my laundry, I ask the Lord to take it as my prayer. Honestly, it still feels weird. 

Personal prayer is an ongoing journey. Each of us taking our own paths. Like our DNA, this relation carries a unique print. No two people will have the same style of prayer and it is absurd to think that our prayer becomes perfect only when it is similar to someone else’s. 

This February, while the whole world celebrate love, and invites you to experience it, let’s keep in mind what St. Mother Teresa said, “Fall in love with Jesus, the rest will fall in place.”

Ammu Zachariah lives in Maryland, USA with her husband and two-year-old daughter. She is part of the Kairos Global Editorial Council.