DOES MARRIAGE TERRIFY YOU? | KAIROS GLOBAL | MARCH 2024

Author:Dr Anumod Kakkassery

Intro: The general trend of youth today is against marriage. Dr Anumod Kakkassery identifies points for this reluctance and counters them with the Word of God.

In our present scenario, youths are hesitant to get married; for many, fears hinder them from taking the step to marriage. Let us find out the reason behind this phenomenon. 

These are the common factors for fear. 1) Increased divorce rates, 2) fear for one’s career, 3) fear for one’s personal freedom, 4) fear about pregnancy and child rearing, 5) in-law relationships, 6) fear of an untrustworthy future partner, 7) childhood trauma.

There are families that find joy in their married life and some who fail to find the same. Let us address the above listed fears with appropriate solutions from the Word of God.

Increased divorce rate

In a business or a job, there exists rules and regulations to guide it forward, for marriage too, there are theories for its success. Genesis 2:18 says, It is not good that the man should be alone: I will make him a helper as his partner. This is a promise from God. Marriage is always a blessing from God and fear comes from evil. If we prioritise our marital life, it will be successful and meaningful. Developing a friendship between husband and wife will be the most crucial thing. This is an art that needs study and effort which will then bring joy even more than money, fame, or professional success.

Fear for one’s career

We see in Proverbs 31:11, The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. Here the author describes the benefits a husband receives in ways other than financially. Throughout Proverbs 31, the author speaks about how a capable wife develops her career and family simultaneously. God is concerned about the career of a wife. We should thoroughly study the Word of God to understand what God seeks. In Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, God says, Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil, For if they fall, one will lift the other: but woe to one who is alone and falls and does not have another to help. Here we can find beauty in a couple if they work together.

Fear for one’s personal freedom

There is a story of a kite that wanted more freedom so it broke the cord and ended up in tragedy. Moderate control is beneficial for all kinds of relationships. We have to trust the Word of God where he promises that our partner will be our best friend and helper. Our partner can help us to achieve more perfection in our lives. All human beings need shaping, purification, and love which was lacking from our parents. A life partner can provide these through sexuality, caring, and encouragement. Which makes a more perfect husband and wife. A perfect human being experiences real freedom and peace.

Pregnancy and child development

Perception and attitude are the factors that decide whether it is good or bad. Many couples want more kids and some want less. According to Psalm 128:6, May you see your children's children This is the blessing of the Lord, earlier words say, Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. I had a couple who wanted infertility treatment for their eighth pregnancy because they found abundant happiness through their kids. Psalm 127:3 says that fruit of the womb, a reward from God that helps us in different ways physical, psychological, spiritual, and financial. We see in 1 Timothy 2:15 yet she will be saved through childbearing, so childbearing is one of the best ways to easily reach God. Motherhood is an easy way to be mature in spiritual, psychological, and spiritual aspects. Some parents struggle to bring up their kids - they should seek help from books and social media. It is an art and if we can study it, parenting becomes easy. Some parents are doubtful about their income for education and other expenses. We see from the lives of so many families that those who trust in God and have many kids, won’t have a problem with finances, which will be provided by our Heavenly Father.

In-law relationships

In-law relationships are God's gift to form our personality. Their life experiences and caring help the young couple to develop their early family life. Wife and mother-in-law problems have been common since time immemorial and that also helps to gain unity in husband-wife relationships. According to Ephesians 5:31, the husband should prioritise his wife more than his parents.

Fear of an untrustworthy future partner

Many youths are doubtful about the character of their future life partner. Usually, God provides life partners according to their emotional and spiritual maturity. Through marriage, God plans to purify both the husband and wife. 1 Corinthians 7:14: For the unbelieving husband is made holy through his wife and the unbelieving wife is made holy through her husband.  This is the purpose of our life, to purify our life partner through the grace that is obtained from marriage.

Childhood trauma

Childhood trauma from the opposite sex, sexual abuse, and bad experiences from parents or relatives make youths reluctant to get married. Another important factor is wrong parenting which leaves kids with low self-esteem which leads them to believe that nobody can love them, so they avoid marriage. Unfortunately, they need more love and care from their life partner.

How should one prepare for marriage?

Firstly, we should pray to our Heavenly Father for a life partner. We should purify ourselves and be responsible enough to take care of a family. Then one is ready for marriage. 

What will the search criteria for a life partner be? The priority shouldn’t be beauty, money, or career. We should pray to our Father to give us a life partner who will purify our life and help us reach eternal life. There are some good practices we can observe when we are going to marry: the wife should be younger than the husband by 3-5 years, almost the same educational qualifications, family background, cultural similarities, and financial status. Above all, we should consider spiritual aspects. If we go through these checkpoints and wait for God's approval, every marriage will be successful.

Dr Anumod Kakkassery is an Ayurveda Psychiatrist. He is from Trichur, India.