BREAKING THE SHACKLES OF PORN | KAIROS GLOBAL | JANUARY 2021

Author: Babu John

Intro: In this final part of series on pornography, Babu John talks about how to break free from the prison of pornography and masturbation.

The struggle with porn is real and can become a life-controlling problem. While many other addictions are introduced from outside the body, porn addiction takes place inside, in the mind and limbic system. The consequent harmful effects are across the human condition – biological, psychological, and spiritual. It produces neurobiological changes in the nervous system on par with those produced by addictive drugs. Overcoming any addiction is not easy; it involves healing and integrating various dimensions of the person. Breaking free from the prison of pornography and masturbation requires the ability to make radical, concrete lifestyle changes. Is it possible? Yes, it can be done; you can break the cycle. Here are a few pointers in two phases of contemplations and actions towards freedom from porn.

FIRST PHASE: (SELF-REFLECTION) 

 Be honest, and take a moral inventory of your life. You will not overcome anything until you first admit that it is a problem, and realise that you do want to be over it. You have to come to see that in your strength. It is not until you can admit this that you will be willing to get help from God and others.

1. Hate the Silent Killer, the Liar, the Devastator

If you want to break the chain of porn and masturbation, don’t accept it as normal. Don’t say, ‘I can’t help it, and after all, it's not that bad.’ Or don’t justify it and say, ‘It is my life and I’m not hurting anyone… Everyone does it, no big deal… Just one more time… I can stop whenever I want…’ Come to your senses and be smart to understand the science behind any addiction which we have explained in the previous two editions.

2. Porn is a grave offense against the whole of humanity

‘Pornography offends chastity because it perverts the conjugal act, the intimate giving of spouses to each other. It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants (actors, vendors, the public) since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others. It immerses all who are involved in the illusion of a fantasy world. It is a grave offense’ (Catechism of the Catholic Church 2354).

3. Masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action

Have you ever considered the wonder of each part of your body? God, the divine architect designed each part of our body with a clear purpose and dignity, including our genitals. Just like any other part of the body, our genitals are designed for a purpose, not to be misused on the pretext of freedom or pleasure; for then, we would have to face the consequences. 

Instead of the intimate and mutual self-giving that is the hallmark of the marital act, masturbation, whether within or outside marriage, is an act where one turns selfishly inward. Indeed, masturbation is a dualistic, self-indulgent activity that uses the body as a means of personal gratification, instead of integrating one’s gift of sexuality—one’s powers of love and life—into a sincere self-gift to another.

Consequently, ‘both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action’ (CCC 2352). ‘And when committed with full knowledge and complete consent’ (CCC 1859), it is a mortal sin  (cf. CCC 1854-64).

4. Why do we have a male body or a female body?

God created us male and female so that we could image the love within the Trinity, becoming a sincere gift to each other. Human sexuality is a gift from God. It should be viewed as a gift possessing inherent goodness and properly placed within a free, faithful, fruitful, and total marriage. Then sexual love becomes an image of the giving and receiving love in the heart or inner life of the Trinity (CCC 369, 372, 373).

According to St. John Paul II, God created us male and female, and the call to become ‘one flesh’ to be a sign in this earth of the eternal bliss and ecstasy waiting for us in the heavenly marriage. The ‘essence of the human’ is our call to communion – with God and with one another; it is the giving and receiving of love. And the whole truth of the body and sex, St. John Paul II affirms, ‘is the simple and pure truth of communion between persons’ (TOB 14:4).

Femininity and masculinity are complementary gifts, through which human sexuality is an integrating part of the concrete capacity for love which God has inscribed in man and woman. (The truth and meaning of human sexuality #10) Sexuality, then, is not merely a matter of biology, nor is it simply a source of personal pleasure. Rather, it concerns, as Pope St. John Paul II reminds us in the apostolic exhortation, Familiaris Consortio, ‘the innermost being of the human person as such. It is realised in a truly human way only if it is an integral part of the love by which a man and woman commit themselves totally to one another until death.’ (FC 11) The truth is that ‘human sexuality can never find its full expression apart from the intimate partnership of life and love established by the Creator in marriage, where the husband and wife become one heart and one soul, and together obtain their human perfection’ (CCC 2364 & Humanae Vitae, 9).

5. ‘Your Body is not Yours’

‘My body, my choice’ is a slogan of secular culture that is meant to represent the idea of personal bodily autonomy, bodily integrity, and freedom of choice. But the truth is that we are merely the custodians of our bodies. Our body is expected to reveal God. ‘The body, and it alone, is capable of making visible what is invisible: the spiritual and the divine.’ (St. John Paul II, TOB 19:4) Every action in our life should be challenged by these questions: Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you? (1Cor 3:16).

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body (1Cor 6:19-20).

6. Why Pornography is morally wrong?

In moral theology, an ‘act’ is the knowing choice of a human person. Each knowing choice is an act and each act is subject to the eternal moral law. ‘Freedom makes a man a moral subject. When he acts deliberately, man is, so to speak, the father of his acts’ (CCC 1749).  Some acts are moral, and other acts are immoral. An immoral act is a sinful act, in other words, sin is a knowingly chosen immoral act.

To be moral, every act must have three good fonts (sources) of morality:

‘The object, the intention, and the circumstances make up the "sources," or constitutive elements, of the morality of human acts’ (CCC 1750).

(1) The intention or purpose for which the act is done, (2) the inherent moral meaning of the act as determined by its moral object, (3) the circumstances of the act, especially the consequences. ‘A morally good act requires the goodness of the object, of the end, and the circumstances together. An evil end corrupts the action, even if the object is good in itself’ (CCC 1755). If any of the fonts is bad, the act is immoral.

Sexual acts are not exempt from the moral law. To have a good moral object, every sexual act must be marital and unitive and open to procreation. The deprivation of any one or more of these meanings from the moral object causes the sexual act to be intrinsically evil and always gravely immoral.

‘Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes’ (CCC 2351).

SECOND PHASE:  (FAITH & ACTION)

7. Make a firm decision to break the chain  

This is ongoing, and healing is possible with outside support and the Mercy of Christ. You cannot do it alone. It requires much effort, personal work and help from others. Don’t hide, confide! Don’t let shame and frustration overwhelm you. The darkness of shame and frustration gives sexual sin its power. Share your struggle with a trusted person – someone who is non-judgmental, sympathetic and compassionate – who can help and guide you on this journey. 

8. Healing of the Mind, Body, and Soul

Perhaps you started watching pornography out of curiosity, or because those around you were. And you got glued because there were gaps within you that porn started to fill. Your actual problem may not be pornography or masturbation. It may have been a lack of love or merely to de-stress, but which has enslaved you now. Whatever be your situation, as St. John Paul II says, ‘We are not the sum of our weaknesses and failures, we are the sum of the Father's love for us and our real capacity to become the image of His Son Jesus.’

9.  ‘You are not alone’

‘Remember that you are never alone, Christ is with you on your journey every day of your lives! He has called you and chosen you to live in the freedom of the children of God. Turn to him in prayer and in love. Ask him to grant you the courage and strength to live in this freedom always. Walk with him who is “the Way, the Truth and the Life”’ (St John Paul II).

You could be a Christian or a non-Christian, [Christ] indeed died for all (2Corinthians 5:15). He is the expiation for our sins, and not for our sins only but those of the whole world (1John 2:1-2).

Jesus doesn’t want you to be enslaved. He will liberate you. [God] desires everyone to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth. For there is one God; there is also one mediator between God and humankind, Christ Jesus, himself human, who gave himself a ransom for all (1Timothy 2:4-6).

10. ‘Do you believe that I can do this?’

When a few blind men approached him for healing, Jesus said to them, ‘Do you believe that I can do this?’ ‘Yes, Lord,’ they said to him (Mathew 9:28). 

Believe that Jesus can heal and liberate you from this bondage. If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved (Romans 10:9). For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, ‘Do not fear, I will help you’ (Isaiah 41: 13).

11. Sacrament of Reconciliation (Healing)

If you are a Christian, confession is a powerful practice for healing.  Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! (Psalm 51:2). The Sacrament of Reconciliation communicates God's healing grace. It forgives sin through God's abundant mercy, breaks the cycle of shame, and offers graces for protection against future sin. Regular confession is a source of strength for those seeking to live pure, chaste lives, who embrace God's plan for love and sexuality. Forgiveness, too, is important for spiritual healing. When a person admits to the reality of their pornography use, the harm caused by it becomes clear and they need to make amends for it. In turn, when the person seeking freedom offers forgiveness to others, this brings God's healing grace in all their lives. 

If you are a non-Christian, ask God’s pardon sincerely and seek him to forgive and heal you so that he can shower his grace upon you. 

12. Frequenting the Holy Eucharist

Every Holy Mass is as precious as the sacrifice of our Lord’s life, sufferings, and death – the most pleasing sacrifice to God the Father. Mass is the most powerful atonement for our sins. It gives us strength and healing to remain holy.

13. Daily Bible reading and Prayer

By reading scripture daily you are taking a stand for God and his plans for you. You are letting Jesus renew your mind and direct your steps, which directly impacts everything you do and you will feel more confident. Prayers against temptation give strength to break free from sinful snares!  Remember, a person without prayer is one whom Satan has greater influence upon.

14. Holy Rosary

In the Rosary, Mary guides us to her Son; she intercedes for us; she loves us. It will help us in our battle against the temptations and the lies of the evil. The Rosary is our best defense against Satan. It will help cleanse your mind off porn images that exist within your subconscious, which can re emerge at the strangest, most inappropriate times. Surrender every woman and man whom you have ever seen and objectified in pornography to Mother Mary in the Rosary so that she can lead them to Jesus. 

15. ‘Get rid of it all!’

Destroy all the acquired materials in addition to placing secure internet connections and accountability software on all your devices. As you do this, identify thoughts and behaviors that have led you to seek out pornography. Root out these thoughts and habits and eliminate them from your collection. Avoid these near occasions of sin and remove them from your easy access.

16. Always remain ‘alert’

Avoid all situations that lead to the temptation to watch porn again and keep a healthy distrust of yourself in terms of your vices and weaknesses. Don’t be naive in believing you are immune to pornography once you overcome it temporarily. If you relapse, get up. Be ready to get up and go through the process over again.  The Sacrament of Reconciliation and the Eucharist are fundamental to this process.

In this ‘culture of death,’ we are weak, we are broken but there is a current of grace flowing beneath, to heal our brokenness and renew us. Our brokenness and addictions are not our identities. We have a theological pre-history – which explains our true identity. St. John Paul II says, ‘There is imprinted in the experience of fallen man a certain echo of the original innocence of man’ (TOB 55:4).

We hear the echo of God’s original plan that God had in his mind when he created us. He created us to participate in the eternal exchange of love. God wants us to be filled with his Love and unending Ecstasy and that makes meaning for our lives.

Babu John is the Director of TOB for Life, and a speaker on Theology of the Body.