ASK FR BITAJU | KAIROS GLOBAL | AUGUST 2020

Author: Fr Bitaju

Q30. If Mary took a vow of chastity before she was married, then why would she get married?

Bince George, Bangalore, India

We are not sure if Mary made a vow of virginity before she married Joseph.  Yet, the Word of God and also the teaching of the Church gives us some clear indication. When the angel Gabriel announced to Mary that she was chosen to be the Mother of the Messiah, Mary asked, “How shall this be, since I do not know man?” (Lk 1:34). This question of Mary has no sense unless she had a vow of virginity. Because, consistent with Lk 1: 27, Mary and Joseph were already betrothed, which is the first phase of Jewish marriage. She is betrothed to Joseph but has not yet begun living with him, which is the second phase of the wedding referred to as the “coming together,” where the marriage would be consummated. This background of Jewish marriage is vital for us to understand the question of Mary “How shall this be?” Because a newly married woman would not ask such a question, for she would know what is expected of marriage, unless she has made a vow of virginity. Mary did believe the message of the angel, but wanted to understand how it was going to be fulfilled.  This would indicate that Mary was not planning for a normal course of events for her married life with Joseph.  Such a view of Mary’s vow of virginity before the annunciation and marriage was held by Church Fathers like Saints Augustine, Thomas Aquinas and Bonaventure. 

The second part of the question is ‘then why would Mary marry?’  St. John Paul II, in one of his catechesis on Blessed Virgin Mary (1996), gave a relevant explanation on this question: “We can wonder why she would accept betrothal, since she had the intention of remaining a virgin forever … It may be presumed that at the time of their betrothal there was an understanding between Joseph and Mary about the plan to live as a virgin.  Moreover, the Holy Spirit, who had inspired Mary to choose virginity in view of the mystery of the Incarnation and who wanted the latter to come about in a family setting suited to the child’s growth, was quite able to instill in Joseph the ideal of virginity as well.”  

Moreover, the Book of Numbers 30: 6-8 gives us a historical basis for how a Jewish married woman could keep her vow provided her husband did not object. This was very much familiar to the Jews of the first century.  Likewise, Mary’s life would have been in danger in a culture that could not accept an espoused woman getting pregnant by someone other than her spouse. Thus, in divine providence Joseph became Mary’s earthly spouse and protector through their marriage.  To summarize, we could say that the word of God and also the Fathers of the Church clearly indicate that Mary made her vow of virginity prior to marriage with Joseph, and their decision to remain as celibates was mutual as per God’s plan, respecting the culture and practice of the days they lived.