AS THE MASTER FORGAVE | KAIROS GLOBAL | JULY 2022

Author: Jude Jojy

Intro: Hurt and forgiveness are not emotions, rather decisions, writes  Jude Jojy.

St Augustine says, ‘There are many kinds of alms, the giving of which help us obtain pardon for our sins; but none is greater than that by which we forgive from our heart a sin that someone committed against us.’

Forgiveness is one of the central elements of the Our Father, and one of the most radical teachings of Jesus. To be hurt by someone is part of our daily life, be it in a family or a religious community to an extent that often we don’t even realise we were hurt. To forgive is not an emotion but a decision. To forgive I need to accept the fact that I’ve been hurt. I need to know how much it has cost me in all its aspects, especially emotionally. After knowing how much they owe me I release them from that debt. That is forgiveness. 

It sounds so easy but it’s difficult. It doesn’t mean that we were not hurt, doesn’t mean that we must trust that person again. It doesn’t mean that you don’t exercise your legal rights to deal with an unjust and illegal activity. It’s basically saying, ‘I am not going to make you pay what you owe me, I don’t dream of hurting as I was hurt, neither do I rejoice over your misfortunes.’ 

The king in the parable of the unmerciful servant, who pardons the servant who owed him, leaves us a great life lesson. Jesus asks Peter to forgive not just seven times, which Peter considered exuberant considering the ‘seven-fold vengeance of Cain in the Old Testament.’ Jesus asks Peter to forgive four-hundred-and-ninety times (seventy times seven), meaning to say, an unconditional forgiveness. 

Four-hundred-and-ninety is the number of ultimate forgiveness for the Jews, which we find in the book of Daniel. In the parable of the unmerciful servant, the servant who owed 10,000 talents to the king would have had to work sixteen-thousand years to pay off the debt. But the same servant doesn’t show mercy to his companion who owed him money worth 100 days of work, and in fact sends him to prison. The unmerciful servant doesn’t meet with a good end, he finishes up in prison for the rest of his life. And that is how my heavenly Father will deal with you unless you each forgive your brother from your heart (Matthew 18:35).

The debt of sin is humanly impossible to pay back to our Heavenly Father. Jesus paid this for us on the cross to show us how much God loves and forgives us, and continues to demonstrate his love and mercy through the sacraments, through people and events. So, we ought to forgive those hundred days if God himself has paid those sixteen-thousand years and counting. One of the primary motivations to learn to forgive is the fact that I too need forgiveness. I have hurt so many times, yet my Father loves me unconditionally. St John Vianney noted, ‘The saints have no hatred, no bitterness, they forgive everything, and think they deserve much more for their offenses against God.’

Jesus is our model of forgiveness. He cures diseases but first forgives the person. He doesn’t judge the adulterous woman, just asks her not to sin again. Jesus forgave and physically healed the one who came to arrest him. During his trial before the high priest, one of the officers slapped Jesus. Jesus responded calmly asking him to point out whatever was erroneous in Jesus’ statements. One of his last prayers on the cross, while being humiliated and gasping for breath, is a prayer of forgiveness. He even offers paradise to the ‘good thief’, somebody who probably deserved hell for his actions. Father, forgive them for they know not what they do (Luke 23:34).

David Nixon, a famous American pastor says, ‘We can only forgive the unforgivable in others if we experience God’s forgiveness for the unforgivable in ourselves.’ Only such a person will see the world with God’s eyes and will try to understand the aggressor. He may be able to see the goodness in the aggressor, even understand that the one who offended him was probably not loved. When we find it difficult to forgive, we should probably ask ourselves, ‘Do I see that person with God’s eyes, and do I really love that person?’ True love is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Corinthians 13:5. 

Psychology says that no matter how angry you get, you end up forgiving the person you love. Forgiveness should lead us to reconciliation. When somebody hurts us, we usually lose trust in that person even after we forgive them. It takes time to rebuild trust and confidence that was once lost. In the sacrament of reconciliation Jesus not only forgives us but he also offers his love and friendship unconditionally. The broken relationship is restored, rekindled.  

Jude Jojy belongs to the Salesians of Don Bosco. He is a missionary in the Dominican Republic, and is currently doing his 2nd year theology at the Salesian Theologate in Guadalajara, Mexico.