AN EASTER LIKE NONE OTHER | KAIROS GLOBAL | MAY 2020

Author: Ammu Zachariah

Intro: Ammu Zachariah recounts how in quarantine this season was more meaningful than ever

We are living in such unprecedented times. A virus which sprang forth thousands of miles across us, has literally “transformed” our lives and routines in unexpected ways. 

A few weeks before the pandemic, as I was getting ready for Mass, I had half a mind not to go. But something kept pushing me towards the Eucharist. While I was thankful for that “grace,” a part of me wasn’t. I wanted to “give-in” to my lethargy. Just then, a thought crossed my mind; “Will there be a time when there’s no Mass? No way! How can there be no Mass? It’s impossible.” And I told myself, since I took the sacraments for granted, I need to be put in a place where I’m denied it, then I might learn to appreciate it. And, now, I do.

Soon, the COVID-19 hit the US soil and when I heard Masses were being suspended to prevent the spread of the virus, I wasn’t anxious. We still had adorations. Within a week, adorations were closed. Suddenly, a mélange of emotions went through me; I was scared, about what would happen to us. I was angry, at our priests who were forced to close everything thereby denying us the Lord. I was upset. Thankfully, every parish immediately set up online Sacraments. It’s an irony that I, who considered TV Masses as fake, am now attending them daily. Now, I see more vividly the desire of someone who cannot attend the Eucharistic celebration physically. 

What followed was a rigid lockdown. We couldn’t meet anyone and could go out only for grocery or walks. However, ever since the quarantine began, my husband and I have been reading more, praying together in community and individually more than usual. We were convinced that, this was something given to us for a purpose. Even when there was so much death and sorrow around us, there was a particular joy that kept us at peace. We saw fear and anxiety building up around us. Yet, in that darkness we sensed something great was at work. The daily readings of those days felt particularly meaningful because I became more attentive. My soul was thirsty and every drop was taken in with gratitude. 

The Holy Week was intense. On Palm Sunday, we attended online Mass carrying a branch of leaf and later put it up on our doorpost. Lifting up our branches we sang “Hosanna.” It felt odd not to be with a community to sing Hosannas. And before that on Saturday, as per the Eastern tradition, we made “Kozhukatta,” which is a steamed rice ball with coconut and jaggery filling. For the first time, I felt the need to respect the traditions.

Though it was online, Easter Tridium has never been so memorable. For Maundy Thursday, we were asked to wash each other’s feet in commemoration of Christ washing the feet of his disciples. On Good Friday, we listened to the Way of the cross. There was newness in the prayers and the songs. Each word, each song, each prayer had such depth and richness, it stirred my heart, and I was lost in its beauty. It moved my heart in a way I have never felt before, and I was thankful to the Lord who died for me. I longed to know Him, to have a more personal and intimate relation with Him.

For the first time, I attended the Easter Vigil. And watched in awe the meaning of lighting the Paschal candle. We switched off the lights in our apartment and when the Paschal candle was lighted, my three-year-old daughter went around and switched on the lights. During Gloria, she helped her father to remove the cloth that covered the cross. All these simple yet profound gestures brought more meaning to a once mundane annual liturgy. I also made a mental note to attend the Easter Vigil Masses in the coming years.

On Easter Sunday, we prepared a feast, dressed up, and had our lunch. It also made me realise how much I used to take our families for granted. Since we have a big family, a regular weekend dinner will have close to 15 people. For special occasions it can double with friends and extended families attending. Usually, I complain about the long array of appetizers and main course dishes, and getting back home late and tired. But this year, I was longing for the company. There’s no joy in cooking a feast and not being able to share it.

I doubt whether we ever had such a meaningful Lenten season and Easter Tridium, and I doubt if we ever have one in the future. This Easter will definitely go down in history as one of the most memorable and meaningful one. Nothing was normal; nothing was mundane. Every second was lived to be present. Every word was soaked up to quench a thirsty soul. And everything reminded of the love of a father who gave his only son to be sacrificed for me. Corona virus has done something which I haven’t felt all my life; it made me want to love Christ in a more fervent way.

Ammu Zachariah lives in Maryland, USA with her husband and two children. Ammu was a 12^th batch fulltimer and is currently part of the Kairos Global Editorial Council.