WORK. LIFE. FAMILY | KAIROS GLOBAL | APRIL 2022

Author: Cyriac Panackal

Intro: Cyriac Panackal writes about the challenges faced when together with his wife, they emigrated to another country as students and expecting parents. 

It was four days after our marriage, we were at the Passport Office for new passports; purpose? One surname and one address for both of us, and adding the name of the spouse in the passport. Of course it is a personal choice, but we believe that it is important to have identifiers that show that you are a single family. As we migrated in 10 months to Germany both as students and expecting parents, having the same address on our passports was important for us. For that we had to choose a university which offered suitable courses for both of us, a small university in a small German town. Fifty months down the line, when I look back, that was one of the best decisions we made. 

The Lord blessed us with a family-friendly university, where the professors welcomed us to the classrooms with our infant. Akhila, my wife used to feed the baby and attend the class. Our first born was at times the most active student in some of my classes and was naturally the beloved student of the professors. Not going to the most reputed institutions did not affect our happiness, it is not only the salary slip that brings you joy but also the moments you spend playing, cooking, bathing with your kids. 

We had our family altar at our eye level, where we could see and pray. But once the baby started walking, we moved the altar to her eye level so that she could see and pray to Jesus, Mama Jesus and Papa Jesus! Yes, we have the Holy family at the centre of our altar. As we grew in love, our second baby came to us by the time our first daughter turned two and we had just finished our Masters. It was not easy – both of us writing master theses with two kids, one outside and one inside! At times the only prayers were when we gasped, ‘Oh Lord!’ But as in the traditional blessing during the marriage ceremony, we never lacked friends and family who were there for us. Thanks be to God for that! 

At each turn of life there was someone to help us. Soon after our arrival we had to look for an apartment as we could not stay in the student dorm with a baby. It was the Advent of 2017 and we found parallels in our search for an apartment and St Joseph’s and Mother Mary’s search at the inn. We finally found an attic apartment for rent, where we have been staying for the last four years, and where we’ve welcomed a lot of guests. We landed in Germany as expecting parents with no idea about child-rearing in a temperate country. It was the Jesus Youth friends who gave the basic idea and very useful inputs which helped us. Akhila took it as her personal mission to support expecting parents and young parents who migrate. What you received as gifts, spread it to others as gifts. 

Directly after our Masters, I started working full-time and Akhila started her maternity leave for one year. Paid maternity leaves in Germany made it viable for us. After all, the family-friendly policies was one reason we moved here.  And as the Corona pandemic hit the world, we also had to isolate ourselves from our neighbours and friends. YouTube Holy Mass by Bishop Michael Gerber was a consolation for us and helped a lot to cope up with the situation. Despite the pandemic, we were blessed to be able to travel a little and spend time in fun and prayer with our friends in Austria and the Netherlands. At a time when going home was difficult, those meet-ups helped our personal and prayer life.

Last year Akhila started working again. After a few months of experimenting, we found out that we could not manage life with both of us working eight hours. Hence as the primary driver of our car, and the one who is responsible for the transportation of our kids to kindergarten as both of us work at home, I decided to reduce the working hours to 6 hours per day. Now, by the time the kids are back at home we both complete our work and one of us is there for the kids. Well, 25 percent less income for me but we get more time as family together. Also weekends are prioritised for the family. Sundays are for the Lord and to rest. 

At the end of the day, as Jesus said, rules are for the man, man is not for the rules. It is up to each family to find what unites them. Things that mark you as a single unified unit. It is great to live up to ideals but joy hides in tolerance, in letting go and trusting in the Lord.