TRIBE PRO-LIFE! | KAIROS GLOBAL | DECEMBER 2021

Author: Alina Ann Mathew

intro: Alina Ann Mathew speaks to eight large families around the globe, on being open to a large family and trustful surrender to God.

Jini and Naveen Lobo, Mysuru, India

1. On a big family.

It was not our decision; God decided and we said yes. We had six Cesareans. After our third C-section surgery, we were strongly pressured to go for sterilization but we were against it, knowing well the teachings of the Catholic Church. Had we agreed to it, what of the next three children God had already written in our account? We are always open to God’s plan. He wanted us to have a big family and he built an amazing support system with the right people and right things at the right time.

The conviction and confidence to be open to God’s plan were ingrained in us through Jesus Youth and the charismatic renewal. We prayed together and all our decisions were taken in love.

2. Trustfully surrendering to God.

We face it all together. During our third C-section, family pressure, social stigma and concerns from medical fraternity were all hovering over us, together. But we calmly collected the right information and analysed right and wrong. Relying more on the support system from our friends and holding on to grace from heaven, we tackled it all smoothly.

Very systematically, we took care of health too so that we could be a responsible pro-life example. Being on our knees and using the provisions of eldering and pastoring definitely helps.

3. Concerns about the children’s future. 

We may have issues right before us for which we don’t have an answer. But those instances remind us more about relying on God. One day my teenager, who actually practices faith exceptionally well, told me that she couldn’t experience and understand God. We started talking with her and it took almost three to four years for her to be convinced and have a personal encounter with God.

Beyond faith practices, communicating the faith and telling them God is providing is more important.

We also make sure that our kids enjoy praying and spending time with God.

4. Handling disappointments in life.

Disappointments are a part of our daily lives. Our spousal relationship and the ‘we-time’ we share every day makes it easier for us. It's a precious one hour which builds our relationship deep and none of our conflicts go beyond a sunset.

There are different phases in family life. We are not trained to handle any of these and that’s where our relationship with God comes into picture. Wisdom comes directly from God and through our pastoring and eldering when we need it.

As a Christian couple, delving deep into Christian family values will give us more clarity.

***

Shimy and Dais Abraham, Dublin, Ireland

1. On a big family.

We loved having a big family. When we set our priorities in favour of children, we were surprised to see how God arranged the background for us. For every yes to a new child, we were blessed abundantly.

Our second child was born with eczema and we had to go through many struggles. But the way God led us through it deepened our faith and we were closer to the will of God. Christ comes in by default with crosses and this gives us more strength to say yes to life, whenever given.

It is a unique call from God and we happily said yes.

2. Trustfully surrendering to God.

Whenever struck by a crisis or a problem, we reflect on our previous experiences, how beautifully God led us through in the past. What we have today is a gift of God and we believe that God demands us to live our present as best we can.

God also trains us gradually to live without anxiety. One day our third child collapsed in church and things turned critical. The unusual calmness that God gave us during that incident was indeed a witnessing before everyone present in the church. We still can’t believe we faced such a situation gracefully but God helped us to.

3. Concerns about the children’s future. 

Our children don’t belong to us but to God. We have surrendered them completely to his hands. We seek providence from heaven to raise them according to God’s will. He has a plan for every child even before entrusting them to us.

We enjoy freedom and absolute trust in God

4. Handling disappointments in life.

On reflecting upon our daily lives, we are surprised to see how abundantly we are blessed. We have enough and more reasons to be grateful and there is no scope for disappointment. Moreover our life experiences have trained us to face disappointments, if any, gracefully. 

***

Sindhu and Sijumon Abraham, Singapore

1. On a big family.

Both of us are from big families and we have experienced the benefits of sharing and support of siblings from our families. So our love for a big family. The God experience received through Jesus Youth movement gave us the clarity and conviction to be open to life always. 

We believe that our mission in Church continues through our children too. It's a myth that more children take more of your time but instead they grow up as more responsible and self-sufficient children. We have noticed this difference in our family.

2. Trustfully surrendering to God.

Psalm 127:1 reminds, Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labour in vain. All we have to do is entrust ourselves completely to his hands and faithfully wait for him to build us.

Our first two children were born through C-section surgeries. But we prayed hard and strongly believed that God would help us through a normal delivery and requested for one. Finally, after fourteen hours of labour accompanied by prayers, our child was delivered normally. Hence the following three deliveries were also normal. We have learned from such experiences that God is faithful and so we are seldom anxious.

3. Concerns about the children’s future. 

We know we can't do things on our own. We have surrendered our lives completely to his hands and we hold on to Philippians 4:19, And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. 

4. Handling disappointments in life. 

We are led by the conviction that God lets things happen to us for our ultimate good.

We live in Singapore and our citizenship application was rejected. We still continue as permanent residents here, which actually burdens us financially. But we believe in Ecclesiastes 3:11, He has made everything beautiful in its time. and this too is a will of God.

***

Rosmi and Shimy Stephen, Pala, India

1. On a big family.

We initially had a prolife idea but had to face many struggles to stay with it. When we began our life in Singapore, we had a one-bedroom flat and many questions before us. We were very particular about raising our children on our own, which would make only one person able to work. This added to our confusions but God answered it all by miraculously arranging all our requirements, with each child of ours. This deepened our faith and we have 5 children now.

2. Trustfully surrendering to God.

Mathew 6:33 – But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well reminds us how God values our small initiatives and blesses us manifold. This we have witnessed all through our life. Whenever we gave our small mite to our Lord, in terms of our time or resources we were blessed abundantly. 

So, there is no point in getting anxious. We just look up to heaven and go forward. When we feel stressed, we claim the Word of God and seek resolve from him.

3. Concerns about the children’s future.

A recap of the ways God led us all these years gives us enough confidence. Faith practices, especially our daily Holy Mass together as a family gives us enough grace and peace to face every challenge coming our way.

4. Handling disappointments in life.

We believe that God is aware of every minute thing in our life. He allows us to face disappointments and we are convinced that all that happens in our life turns out ultimately for our good.

We had to face many questions and unexpected crises when we returned to Kerala from Singapore.

We had been praying for it for almost two years but everything didn’t fall in place as expected. We could have been easily disappointed. But that’s not what God expects of us, instead to believe in his time and ways.

We trust in his ways and go forward.

***

Jincy and Anil Joseph, Trichur, India

1. On a big family.

We initially didn’t have plans for a big family. But acquaintance with other big families and observing the beauty of having more children instilled the desire in us to pray for more children. The way they evolved as independent children gave us more confidence.

The questions from society and medical fraternity confused us. But our convictions and clarity lead us forward

2. Trustfully surrendering to God.

God always gives us an answer. He surprises us with his unusual ways of arranging things for us. We actually were questioned a lot and put under tremendous stress for homeschooling our kids. When our eldest daughter scored exceptionally well in her higher secondary exams, we knew our paths were on those guided by God.

These confirmations from heaven ease our stress. It is not that we don’t have anxieties, but we don’t fall for them, instead it becomes a reason for us to pray more. When we depend on God more, he melts away our anxieties for he has not called us to worry but to glorify him instead. 

God is more aware of our needs than us. During the delivery of our sixth child, we were gifted an amount by a family friend, which amounted exactly to the hospital bill. Incidents like this deepen our faith and eases our anxieties.

The oneness of our family in prayer is an added advantage

3. Concerns about the children’s future.

We are concerned only about ensuring they are good citizens for society. We are not focused on providing them with everything, instead we like to raise them independent. 

Our children don’t belong to us, they belong to God. So, we are pretty sure that He will take care of his children.

4. Handling disappointments in life.

Disappointments come when there are expectations. We have to stay tuned to what God has planned. We often pray and discern his will and way.

We also rely on elders and pastoring for more clarity.

Our daily Holy Mass also helps us accept things as God wants.

***

Bindhu and Mathew Joseph, Dublin, Ireland

1. On a big family.

We had no plans for a big family, in the beginning. Gradually as we grew in faith, we became familiar with pro-life ideas and received the grace to accept all babies happily. All our children came in when God decided and we just said yes to his plans. 

Our kids also love to have more siblings and their support too encouraged us to have a big family. From our experiences, we’ve realised that when you have more children at home they are occupied with their own activities as a close bunch and parents indeed get more free time, compared to others.

Even our jobs were customised by God according to our needs on the arrival of each child.

2. Trustfully surrendering to God.

We are a cool family and don’t actually like spoiling the beauty of the present moment thinking and worrying about it. Live today is our motto. We just obey commandments, trust the Lord and live our life. We have seen things falling right in place at the right time from the day we started surrendering completely.

Our second child was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis when two-years-old. It was a stressful situation as she was not responding to the treatment and I was pregnant with our next child. But the incident was a turning point in our lives which deepened our faith and reminded us of our frailty. We learned that it's not people but God who helps us ultimately. From then on, whenever something goes wrong, we give it to God in adoration and pray together continuously till it’s resolved.

3. Concerns about the children’s future.

Actually, we are not at all worried about such things as we always have absolute trust in God. Recently, our elder daughter was confused about choosing subjects for her secondary school. Whenever we have a special intention at home, we always put it before the Lord during our evening prayer and intercede. This way, the whole family comes to know about it and we believe that our oneness in prayer is valuable before God.

4. Handling disappointments in life.

We have a clarity that everything happens in our life as God has planned it. We constantly remind our children that anything that goes away from our expectations doesn’t belong to us or simply is not God’s will. God knows what is best for us and gives it to us at the right time.

***

Sali and Santhosh J Chittilappilly, Faridabad, India

1. On a big family.

 We are absolutely convinced that every child is a gift from God. Whenever we were gifted, we accepted the child with gratitude.

 We were asked to terminate the pregnancy of our second child as I was under medication for TB. But when a child comes, our God knows – before us – that it is the right time and so we went forward with the pregnancy against medical advice from three medical colleges. The Lord saw us through the entire pregnancy, and our child was born. Surprisingly she is growing up as an exceptionally smart child, challenging the theories of medical science.

2. Trustfully surrendering to God.

We are into full-time ministry for over 24 years. We strongly believe that God is the one who has called us and if he has called us, he will take care of the rest. The Word of God says, But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you (Mathew 6:33).

Luke 9:24 clarifies it better, For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will save it.

Our life experiences further taught us clearly how God provides and God has even surprised us on so many instances, right from a sack of clothes to pieces of soap, when we were badly in need of them, thus proving his providential care. The assurance that he never forsakes us leaves no room for anxiety in our lives.

3. Concerns about the children’s future.

Our major concern is whether they would keep their souls perfect for the Lord. The future of our children is not a reason for worry but definitely a reason for prayer always.

Whenever we feel concerned, we hold tighter to our rosary. And consistently one daily Rosary is for our children and safeguarding of their souls.

4. Handling disappointments in life.

Our conviction is that we need to be where God wants us to be and we need to do the things that he plans for us. Unexpected crisis does come in. Once, while travelling from Agra to Mathura¹ on a two wheeler for a school retreat, we met with an accident, leading to a fracture. What struck my mind was that when there is a battle, a few of the soldiers may be wounded but that doesn’t mean that the enemy has become victorious. It is part of the price we pay for the greater battle that is being waged. It is the cost of standing with him. The cost of discipleship.

***

Jeslin and Joe Joseph, Ernakulam, India

1. On a big family.

Jesus Youth exposure gave us the pro-life message clearly and together we decided to honour the value of life. The grace from heaven was sufficient for us to receive every child with thanks. The depth of our relationship and clarity of convictions helped us to stand for life with the Catholic Church. 

2. Trustfully surrendering to God.

One major crisis arose while having our fifth child – we faced a serious financial crisis during the Middle East recession and we were totally confused. This was an eye opener which taught us clearly that money is not a criterion to receive children. It helped us to see more clearly that God's grace is sufficient for us.

If anything goes wrong, we sit before adoration together and surrender everything before the Lord. We are surprised often by the way things get resolved and this indeed builds the faith of children too.

3. Concerns about the children’s future.

Yes, we are definitely concerned about them but not worried. We have beautiful experiences of how God provides at the right time and hence no worries. God led us this far and will lead us forward.

4. Handling disappointments in life.

Nothing is impossible for God almighty. So if he decides not to give something, that thing would not be good for us in some way or the other. We strongly believe and have seen in our lives that God never forsakes us.

Recently we started reciting providence prayer together which says God’s providence rises before sunrise. Providence can provide, providence did provide, Providence will provide.

¹ Agra and Mathura are cities in North India

author info: A Catholic mother and science journalist, Alina Ann Mathew is also a soft-skills trainer and content developer. She lives in Kottayam, India with her husband and two kids.