THE JOY OF WANT | KAIROS GLOBAL | APRIL 2022

Author: Raifiel Cyril

Intro: What do we do when our repeated prayers fall on God’s seemingly deaf ears? Raifiel Cyril tells us.

I am the youngest of 11 children and none of my siblings have had any trouble conceiving. Entering the 13th year of being married and open to life, my husband and I are still waiting to bear children after two miscarriages.

Recently, Mass readings have been going through the first book of Samuel recounting the fascinating story of Hannah. Hannah the famous lady who asked God for a son and He answered her prayer, blessing her with Samuel.

Before I was married and before I had a life-changing encounter of Christ, I had plans for my life. I used to think to myself: I must get married latest by 27 years, so that I can have natural and healthy deliveries and have a bunch of children. I had heard that having the first child after one was 30 years-old made normal delivery hard. Now I understand how foolish I was to think that it was all in my control. After encountering the Lord, a year before I got married, my plans lost all value at the surpassing greatness of knowing him. In those early years, I only remember once worrying about my age and talking to God about wanting normal deliveries and he instantly reminded me of Sarah. I realised surely Sarah had a normal delivery despite her advanced years, so it was not for me to worry about! In God’s time and God’s way. From that moment I did not lose my peace.

However, I realised that while I was very much at peace, a lot of people were and are not. They pitifully looked at my husband and I as someone would at a word misspelt. Something’s wrong or something’s amiss. In their loving concern they would fervently pray for a blessing of a child in our lives.

What is interesting to note however is that God’s Word about Sarah dug deep into my heart and found a home there. Even though the two miscarriages did tire us, we did not despair. That is how powerful God’s assurance to our heart has been. God’s Word is powerful. And Jesus’ name is higher than every other name. And he has told us that in his name we are to drive out demons, heal the sick and raise the dead. But the greatest attribute of God is not his power in driving out demons or healing the sick or raising the dead. His greatest attribute is Love. God is Love.

When we focus on this truth our focus changes from what He can give us to Who He is. A powerful question for any relationship. Not what this person can give us but who he/she is. Often, we spend more time loving what we can get, than we do loving the ‘who’. There was a time in my life when through a study of the Word I understood the power of Jesus’ name and started seeing miracles around and within me, healing the sick, driving out demons. I was captivated by this feeling of impregnability and started feeling invincible. From loving God, I shifted to loving his blessings, seemingly appropriating them to myself in faith. Here was God offering me his whole self on a platter, but I was getting distracted and mesmerised by the crumbs that fell off his table. God is LOVE. He can do and grant in our lives more than we can ever ask or imagine but all God’s blessings in the world put together can never compare to HIM. HE is the Blessing. JESUS is the blessing. What a great mistake we make when we push aside God’s generous offer of himself and pray in faith to claim the crumbs in Jesus’ mighty name. I started humbling myself only when despite praying in great faith, I was becoming steadily weaker with an illness. Praise be God!

Since then, I have given up twisting God’s arm, using his name to accomplish my will. Sickness, barrenness, heartache, trials and even death does not call for an overriding of His Will. His Will first. And if God is Love and I am missing something in my life then not only is it known to the Lord, but he can only have allowed it for my well-being. This realisation has brought great peace in my life. In my barrenness I see God’s hand of love. In the unchanging struggles I see God’s hand of goodness. In an unplanned financial crisis I see God’s hand of mercy. I don’t purport to know what is best for any given stage and area of my life. God is much more able in that department, and I wholeheartedly trust him.

Coming back to Hannah, let us look at this passage from 1 Samuel:1-5.

There was a certain man from Ramathaim, a Zuphite from the hill country of Ephraim, whose name was Elkanah son of Jeroham, the son of Elihu, the son of Tohu, the son of Zuph, an Ephraimite. He had two wives; one was called Hannah and the other Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah had none.

Year after year this man went up from his town to worship and sacrifice to the Lord Almighty at Shiloh, where Hophni and Phinehas, the two sons of Eli, were priests of the Lord. Whenever the day came for Elkanah to sacrifice, he would give portions of the meat to his wife Peninnah and to all her sons and daughters. But to Hannah he gave a double portion because he loved her, and the Lord had closed her womb.

Whenever people sighed about us not having children, I’ve told them, ‘Don’t worry I will have children in God’s time’. But recently, reading the above passage warmed my heart. All that I had been experiencing and believing was reaffirmed when I noticed the phrase, ‘the Lord had closed her womb’.

Hannah was not a victim to physical infertility or a curse or the impact of a generational sin. The Lord himself had closed her womb. Now you may want to ask why would God do something negative like that? Well look at this next passage, an excerpt from Hannah’s version of the Magnificat in 1 Samuel 2:4-8.

The bows of the warriors are broken, but those who stumbled are armed with strength. Those who were full hire themselves out for food, but those who were hungry are hungry no more. She who was barren has borne seven children, but she who has had many son’s pines away. The LORD brings death and makes alive; he brings down to the grave and raises up. The LORD sends poverty and wealth; he humbles and he exalts. He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap; he seats them with princes and has them inherit a throne of honour. For the foundations of the earth are the LORD's; on them he has set the world.

God breaks the warrior’s bows, strengthens the weak, makes the full hungry, and the hungry full. He grants children to the barren and sorrow to one with children. He brings to death and to life, brings poverty and wealth and can bring honour to the poor. 

Friends, what I want to drive at is that God brings both that which we love and that which we don’t enjoy so much in our lives. He does this because he loves us. He wants to form us, help us grow, help us be purified, help us bear eternal fruit, all the wonderful things that are not always gained in a hale and hearty life. So, much to the distaste and distrust of his children, God continues to love us into being. I had a fracture when I was 12 years-old and got hit by a bike on the road. At the hospital after being anaesthetised the doctor yanked my bone back into place resulting in me letting out a scream that pierced through my Mum’s heart. My mother did not come barging into the room to scream at the doctor for hurting me. She knew I was broken, and the doctor was only fixing me. It is exactly the same with God. We are broken more than we are ever aware of, and our lack of awareness makes us smart and growl when God patiently puts us back together again. 

So, what are you missing in your life? What is the blessing you have been praying for? What is the problem that isn’t going away? Open wide your arms and say, ‘I receive this lack/this problem as a precious gift from you, my Lord. Thank you for loving me. Forgive me for aiming for the crumbs when you desire to give me your whole Self. I open my heart to you, dear Master. You are enough. You are the answer to my every desperation. Help me find my rest in your deep, tender, abiding Love. And all else will follow.

A nobody who is precious to Christ', Raifiel lives with her husband, Cyril in beautiful Canberra, Australia.