RIDING STORMS ON HIS SHOULDERS | KAIROS GLOBAL | JANUARY 2021

Author: Suja Siju

Intro: Reflecting on the poem, Footprints in the Sand, Suja Siju recollects the trials that tormented her family and the unwavering presence of God, especially during them.

The poem, Footprints in the Sand and its visuals – two sets of footprints imprinted in the sand, behind a man journeying through life – are familiar to all. The man notices that after a while, only one set of footprints remain. These, he realises are during the most difficult moments of his life. Puzzled, he asks God, ‘Lord, you said once that if I decided to follow you, you would walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most distressing times in life, there has been only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why when I needed you the most, you would leave me.’

The Lord replied, ‘My precious, precious child, I love you and would never leave you. During your times of trial and tribulation, when you see only one set of footprints, that was when I carried you.’

When I bridge this story with our life, when I look back at the last twenty years, what I see on the path is just one pair of footprints and how we surpassed adversities. But when you realise that you were on the shoulders of Jesus that makes you feel you have achieved the best in life.

My journey with Jesus began with Jesus Youth. From the Campus Meet of 1991 to when I began my family life in 2001, that was my training period during which I learned to walk with Jesus – the training to walk arm in arm, side by side, and to carry him amply in the heart. 

We got married in April 2001, building castles of dreams in our minds. The days followed proved that our dreams were not in vain. May, June, July, and August bid their farewell. One day in September, as usual my husband Siju returned home after work. He had been complaining of a gastric problem for the past few days, despite taking medicines. So we decided to go and consult a doctor.

The doctor enquired after his habits, regarding smoking or alcoholism, to which he replied negative. There was nothing suspicious at the initial checkups, so they decided to take Siju's ECG. We handed him the ECG report expecting nothing but were taken aback by what the doctor said. As per the scan report, Siju had undergone a cardiac arrest. The news shook us. We spent ten days in the hospital but the doctors were unable to find the reason for his cardiac arrest. 

Later, we shifted to Thrissur¹ for ease in commuting to work and for hospital visits. Soon life got back to normal except for the medicines and checkups. The days that I spent there in the chapel along with Jesus is what sustained us. Years passed and we were blessed with two kids. When our youngest was only a year old, Siju got a transfer to Ernakulam². By then, the kids, ailments, and the tedious routines of life took me away from Jesus Youth. But I still held on tight to God. We maintained our friendship. 

Having moved into a new house on rent, we wanted to get it blessed and invited Fr. Abraham Pallivathukal from Kaloor Lumen Jyothis Jesuit Centre. The children had already made friendships in the neighbourhood. Taniya mol our neighbour’s child spent a lot of time playing with our kids at home. When the father arrived to bless our home, Taniya mol and her mother were also present. He suggested that if children could play together, their parents could pray together. That made us think about a prayer group and we formed a community of six families called the Friday group, where we prayed, shared, played and cared for each other. Even though our family moved away a few years later, the group still exists and is going strong.

Life at Ernakulam was not easy. Ailments seized our kids, Alen and Abel one after the other. Seeing all this, Dani, one of our Friday group members said, ‘Even though Suja aunty and Siju uncle pray so hard, yet they are always in the hospital. That itself makes us suspicious of praying, but how can you still be happy? Is it because you are in Jesus Youth?’ That revived us and gave us a new light. 

Not long after, Siju had to go to Kozhikode for a week's training. Abel had joined kindergarten. One day late noon, it was time to pick Abel from school. Being very hot that day, I sent Alen to the nearby anganvadi³ not wanting to expose him to the scorching heat. When I returned, I was shocked to find Alen crying. The school midday meal was usually prepared on a traditional stove outdoors. Unfortunately, some of the embers that fell out were still burning when Alen accidentally walked by. The people around helped me to take him to the hospital. But when we returned home, something else was awaiting me. There was a crowd gathered around our house, just about to take Abel to the hospital. Someone told me that Abel was bitten by something on his feet. I stood there helpless, wondering how I would deal with these onslaughts. When we reached the hospital with Abel, they suspected snakebite and so he was sent to the ICU. Friends from our Friday group came forward to help stay at the hospital with Abel; Santhosh and Jossy being heaven-sent angels. When a priest blesses a marriage there is a blessing that he bestows on the new couple. That blessing has been with us throughout life.

Siju now began falling ill due to buildup of calcium deposits and was admitted to the hospital. During my stay there in the hospital, I too fell ill when my pulse rate started to decline fast. The results of my checkup revealed that there was a difference in the length of my valves – a result of continuous stress. They also found that there was an infection in my uterus and so I was admitted in the same room with Siju. One day Fr. Pallivathukal

 visited us, prayed and blessed us. He later called us up that night and shared a vision he had, where he saw a child in our hands by this time, next year. 

We continued the treatment for four months. The next checkup was a miracle. Doctors told us that everything was fine for us to have a child if we wanted. The very next month, I conceived and just as father had said, the next year, our youngest was born. There were many complications in the pregnancy but God carried us on his shoulders. Fr. Pallivathukal

suggested that we named the baby Joshua as he was a child saved by God. And so we did.

We continued our journey with the Saviour. In 2013 Siju underwent a kidney stone surgery. During this time we were active members of the church and its congregation. In 2016 a stomach pain he had led to the removal of a small part of his intestine. We continued to have different checkups to find out the reason for this sickness. At last, doctors found out that his body tended to form blood clots suddenly. In 2019, a stroke due to a clot in his brain became serious. Doctors predicted that there was a high chance of his going into a coma or total memory loss. They suggested an immediate shift to hospitals either in Coimbatore⁴ or Thrissur. We hurried with all the preparations but suddenly, Siju got paralysed on one side. I felt like sinking into the depths of the oceans. All that came to my mind was the song, All to Jesus I surrender. I looked at his lifeless hands, tied my rosary around them and prayed hand- in-hand; it gave me a strength that I had never felt before. Soon he was taken for a CT scan. I waited outside the room praying to God to perform some miracle. When he was brought out of the room I ran to him. He stretched his hands and touched mine, the same lifeless hands on which I tied the rosary. He was back to normal. 

After all the checkups the doctors found that it was cerebral thrombosis. Siju could not recall what happened the day before – the memories of just one day in his life from all of the 45 years. One day a junior doctor came on his rounds and asked to see Siju’s medical records. On going through them, he said that Siju’s case was a miracle in medical history. For us, it was the experience of the pure love and care of God. 

In 2019 we were admitted again to the hospital just when Siju happened to be in charge of the JY programme, ‘Bliss’. We got discharged from the hospital and reached the programme two days before it began. When we had left for the hospital, his condition was critical but he made it through Bliss and it truly was a wonder to everyone. Somehow we managed to leap into 2020. Headaches started to seize him again. Finally, we decided to get treated in Ernakulam. The check-ups revealed a polyp in his small intestine. He underwent a sigmoidoscopy to remove the polyp. 

Finally, when we reached back home, Alan's 10th board exams were getting over. When every parent spends time with their children during exams, Jesus was the guardian of my child. He passed with 88%, by the grace of God. 

Illnesses, hospital admissions, checkups added to the burdens of life. But we made it through. The struggles, pain, sufferings we endured were trivial before the eternal love of God. 

When we feel that the paths ahead are closed, when we pass through the darkest moments of life, he will send angels to guard and protect us. These angels appeared to us in the form of our friends and doctors who pulled us up from the verge of pain and suffering. We suffered the loss of health and wealth on our journey through life but we clung on to the Lord. We will forever hold on to him, as long as we live. No, it's not us, it's him; he is carrying us and enfolds us in his tender love. Yes, we will overcome; leaving everything to him, we will move forward. We will keep building our castle of dreams, holding his hands, standing together. But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:31)

I know everybody who reads this will picture Siju as a man, sick and weak. No, he is not. He does everything on his own. He drives ten kilometers every day to work. He is strong, strong in his belief. He knows from dusk to dawn that Jesus is carrying him on his shoulder. What is there to fret about then? Glory to God in the highest!

A columnist and motivational speaker, Suja Siju is also the author of several books for children. She lives in Ernakulam, India with husband, Siju Abraham and their three children.