MY YES LORD LITANY | KAIROS GLOBAL | FEBRUARY 2021

Author: Shaly Leo

Intro: Can two words of a song change your life? They did for Shaly Leo, each time she prayed, ‘Yes Lord.’

An auditorium full of students, everyone singing aloud, praising God. The preacher encouraging everyone to visualise a fount of grace above their head. The place resounded with shouts of praises – while I started crying at the top of my voice for not receiving a ‘spiritual experience’! 

It was January 28th 1989, the last day of Brother Fritz Mascarenhas’ retreat at Mar Ivanios College, Trivandrum. Some volunteers saw my cry as evidence of high anointment and invited me to the prayer group. I jumped at the invitation with a deep longing for a spiritual experience. When the formation of a music ministry was announced, I was encouraged to join; me – with neither knowledge of music nor a good voice – joined great musicians. During a campus programme not long after, when the music ministry was at the chapel, my pride at being part of a big music team, was at its peak. In a fraction of second, a message from the intercession ministry was read aloud, ‘There’s someone in the music ministry with pride; the Lord asks that person to repent.’ It was a big shock. That evening in my hostel room, I cried for hours and asked his forgiveness, holding the Bible in my hand. That was my first spiritual experience.

After the retreat, during my free time, I loved to sit near the hostel chapel and study. I scheduled ‘chapel-time’ every day. Every moment spent in the chapel would become spiritual experiences and I would come out wiping tears of joy. This was the beginning of my personal prayer.

One holiday, after breakfast, as I was studying near the chapel, I had an unexpected longing for coffee. It was 11 o’clock in the morning and our usual coffee was served in the canteen at 4 pm only. Suddenly, a hostel mate brought me a cup of coffee. I had not told anyone my need! This small incident was a great miracle for me. 

I loved to attend all Jesus Youth campus programmes, held in various colleges as a participant or volunteer. We started a hostel prayer group and I was blessed with a prayer partner, both of us would spend hours in prayer. My prayer partner suggested a listening time in silence. I tried to listen but was very distracted, but she shared her vision. She said, ‘I saw a heap of thorns... suddenly a towel flew and covered the entire thorns, moments later the towel was taken by somebody, the thorns  turned to beautiful flowers, something was written on the towel, “Prayer is power.”’ This vision convinced me of the power of intercession.

After my graduation, I spent a year with my family, attending courses. No mentors, no prayer meetings and no prayer partners but daily Mass refreshed and energised me; I was also able to attend retreats. I grew closer to my siblings and helped them develop a close relationship with Jesus. Family prayer followed by reading many psalms, daily Holy Mass, reading spiritual books were joyful moments. Yet one question kept bothering me, what was the purpose of my life? Though I wanted to live a life seeking God’s will, I was not sure if I was doing so. Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18). From the very core of my heart, I started reciting this word of God often.

I missed the JY fellowship during my post-graduation at Pune and afterwards while working in Chennai. But when I took up a new job in Cochin in 1996, cell groups, weekends at Emmaus volunteering for programmes or assisting in the kitchen, and meeting many zealous JY, all became cherished blessings. Personal prayer, daily Mass, intercession, spiritual guidance and attending various conferences and prayer meetings became my lifestyle. The Lord was moulding me for the professionals’ ministry.

Two years later, my marriage was fixed with a very active Jesus Youth. My relatives and family members had to travel from Wayand to Irinjalakkuda¹ for the marriage. Arrangements were made for me to stay at Irinjalakkuda the day before the marriage. There were no traditional celebrations the day before marriage but my Lord had arranged a special celebration for me that night – a special opportunity to sit alone in front of the Blessed Sacrament for a long time. He was preparing and blessing me for my new journey.

I was the youngest of seven children and had spent a great part of my life in hostels after my 10th grade and now got married to the eldest of a family. The traditions and customs of the place and house were entirely different from what I was used to. For the first time in my life, I had to do house chores. We had to leave for work early in the morning and arrived back late, there was no time for personal prayer, Bible reading, daily Mass and Adoration. In addition to that, I took the corrections from my in-laws as blame and this failure to live up to their expectations made me very sad, lonely and dejected. Life had become very mechanical and I didn’t have anyone to share my wounded feelings.

I tried to recollect the sessions from my marriage preparation retreat. ‘If you love your husband, you need to love your husband’s family.’ I needed to love my husband’s family as my own but it was not easy to practice it. I also didn’t want to share my anguish with my husband, parents or siblings. My inner cry was increasing day by day. Then the Lord blessed me with a travelling companion. I requested her to help me love my husband’s family. I enjoyed my travel with her and she still remains a constant companion in my life’s journey – Mama Mary.  She taught me to recite the Rosary for the world, Church, JY movement and so on. Personally, I started considering the Rosary as the seventh pillar of JY.

After a few months, we shifted to Cochin and I was able to restart many pillars of Jesus Youth. Repeating Word of God and reciting Rosary aloud became a habit when I did my house chores. The Lord also helped us to be part of a family cell, where our monthly meetings included praise and worship, Bible study, action songs by children and partaking of meals together. It was a fellowship filled with joy and laughter. Picnics, pilgrimages and tours strengthened the bond among the families. We were blessed with a son in the year 2000. In the year 2003, we organised a retreat for our cell group. More JY families joined the retreat, which was named ‘Thirukkudumba dyanam’ (Holy Family Retreat). The need to grow as a holy family was inculcated through that retreat. 

My father-in-law suffered from severe asthma and was often admitted to the hospital, where he would be in ICU for 3 to 4 days every month. One day when I was with him in the ICU, he beckoned me close, laid his hands on my head and blessed me. Little did I know that it was his last blessing. The death of my father-in-law was untold grief to us all. My love, compassion and commitment to my husband’s family began to grow more than ever before. And then in the year 2007, God blessed us with a daughter.  

Most of the time when the children fell sick, my husband would not be present due to work and travel. When our daughter was a year old, she got hurt badly and became very ill. As a baby, it had been a task to get her to take medication. Now, with this illness, I knew that it could lead to her hospitalisation and with worry, I took her to the doctor again. Near the doctor’s residence, there was a bakery. When we reached there my son asked me, ‘Are you happy?’ I mistook his question for a ploy to get chocolates and replied, ‘No.’ As we were returning back in an auto rickshaw, he asked me again, ‘Are you happy?’ With more firmness, I replied, ‘No’ again. Then my seven-year-old son told me, ‘You can be happy if you sing the song, Yes Lord, Yes Lord.’ He taught me the song and we sang it together all the way home. The Lord was teaching me to say yes to him in all circumstances, with complete trust. My daughter took her medicines for the first time without any trouble, her wound healed quickly and the fever abated. That day I learned that the Lord could guide us through children too.

After much thought and discussion with my husband, I took a break from my career. A chance to say ‘Yes Lord’ came soon. When my daughter was in kindergarten, an accident left her with a severe burn injury. She was in Burn ICU for nearly two months. I was there with her throughout and was witness to her severe pain. There were many dying in the nearby beds and I was able to spend time there in the ICU in praise and thanksgiving. Our parish priest who came to see us asked me, ‘How can you be so peaceful at such a time?’ The reason for my transformation was ‘Yes Lord’

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Various retreats and talks I have heard since 1998 filled my heart with the awareness that a married couple should be happy together. We decided to attend a yearly retreat as a family as it would be a formation for our kids too. But planning the breaks for the retreat were difficult. When I would get leave from office, my husband couldn’t make it. I began blaming him for not sacrificing his work and organising his priority. Though I tried very hard to practice what I learnt from the retreats, I failed many times. But I was amazed to see, without even attending any of those retreats or checking my notes, my husband would practice those learnings in his day-to-day life as a living example. When I became more focused on prayer, he was teaching me to witness Jesus in family, profession and society.

My prayer for the children has always been that they should not belong to the world. When they were small, I would make them write prayers, participate in daily Mass, Confession at least once in a month, five-minute personal prayer, reading Word of God, Family Rosary, etc. At different stages of their growth, I felt their happiness was found in worldly things. So I would seek the intercession of many saints, angels and specially their guardian angels. I prepared a list of Bible verses and together with my husband, we would recite them daily. Whether they follow a JY lifestyle or not, we surrender them to God to fulfil his plan for them.

When I passed the entrance test for Ph.D., I had to join as a full time research scholar for five years. My husband’s sister began her post-graduation and she and my mother-in-law came to stay with us. During the initial three years, my husband was able to come home only for a couple of days a month. My responsibilities were increasing.  Many scholars, teachers and researchers advised that my high commitment, hard work and honesty was not required for Ph.D. Humiliation, loneliness, fear, bitter experiences and gynecological issues burdened me. Assignments for next day, dealing with the teenage issues of children, house chores, and heavy stress, all wrecked my peace. I began experiencing mood swings and wondered if I should indeed continue the study or drop it. In college, my lunch break was before the Blessed Sacrament in a convent nearby. I was confused as to whether this was the path the Lord wanted me to travel. When I opened the Bible, I would get two verses often. These were my survival medicines. Call to me and I will answer you; I will tell you wonderful and marvellous things that you know  nothing about (Jeremiah 33:3) and Thus says Yahweh, your redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: I am Yahweh your God and teach you  for your own good, I lead you in the way You ought to go (Isaiah 48:17).  I tried to say ‘Yes Lord’, submitted my Ph.D. thesis in 2018 and was awarded a Doctorate in 2020.

Soon after my thesis, I had to undergo a complicated surgery and was on bed-rest. All my past experiences of rejection, injustice, being taken advantage of, all started clouding my mind and I regretted the sacrifices offered for many. During the rest period, I wrote down all those feelings, had open sharings with whomsoever I felt. I really wished for a sincere Confession to help me forgive. My husband helped me a lot during this time and the Merciful Lord provided me with a special opportunity for Confession and to receive the Holy Eucharist daily, while on bed-rest. It felt like the Lord missed me in church and came home to meet me.

As I was recovering, our parish unit elections were planned. The previous committee had been requesting me to take a responsible role in the family unit. But my plan had been to relax for a year, not to take up any job or responsibilities but to focus on my husband and children. Finally I decided to say ‘Yes Lord’ based on the conviction that I should not miss any small opportunity to serve him. I started praying for all the families of my unit. From January 2020 till date, the Lord blessed me to undertake a number of initiatives for the overall wellbeing of the members of our parish family unit. Greening the parish unit was one such initiative based on one of the findings of my Ph.D. that joyful memories in the environment lead to pro-environmental behaviour. 

When my daughter started attending a weekly English prayer group for youth, it began to bring me nostalgic memories of my college prayer group in Mar Ivanios. A few parents regularly joined this youth prayer group too and soon there evolved the need for a family prayer group of which I was a happy participant. Another ‘Yes Lord’ was when I was asked to be the coordinator of this weekly family prayer group named ‘Connect’.

The Lord knew very well my longing to connect with old JY friends of Mar Ivanios College. By his grace, the JY alumni group were able to reconnect during this pandemic. The virtual gathering we had on 12th September 2020, with the blessing of the bishop, who had been a strong supporter of the JY movement during our college days was another great miracle like the ‘coffee experience’ 31 years ago. Our God is an awesome God. Yes Lord.

I cannot express my turning points or faith journey with particular incidents. It is an ongoing experience for me. His providence and guidance has been with me every step of my life. I believe he is sharing his suffering and joy with me to experience him day by day.

Day by day, 

Stone by stone,

Build your secret slowly.

Day by Day you’ll grow too, 

You’ll know heavens glory.

A Ph.D. holder in Social Work, Dr. Shaly Leo has worked in the corporate sector, national and international development agencies. She lives with her filmmaker husband, Leo Thaddeus and their two children in Kochi, South India.