Life Questions | KAIROS GLOBAL | JUNE 2026

Author : Joseph Sebastian PhD

Life Question: I have discerned marriage as my vocation. How will I recognise the ‘right person’ for me?

First of all, it’s beautiful that you have taken the time to discern your vocation. Many people step into marriage without really asking this question in freedom. The fact that you are pausing and seeking God’s will already places you on a good path.

Now, about the ‘right person.’  It would be comforting if there were a clear sign or a direct answer. But in reality, discernment is less like finding a marked destination and more like learning to recognise God’s voice over time.

In the Catholic understanding, God usually guides us gently rather than dramatically. He invites us into a relationship of trust, where clarity grows step by step.

So where does this begin?  Not with the other person but with your relationship with God.  When you are rooted in Him, your clarity about others becomes clearer.

This takes simple, consistent forms:

• Stay close to the Word of GodLet it shape your mind and heart. Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path (Psalm 119:105).

• Be faithful to the EucharistIn the Holy Mass, we learn what love looks like: self-giving, faithful, and centred on Christ.

• Make space for silence and personal prayerIn a noisy world, discernment needs quiet. Be still, and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10).

• Walk with wise and prayerful peopleA mentor, priest, an elder or mature friend can help you see clearly and stay grounded.

• Stay open to the wisdom of your familyWhen there is love and trust, their guidance can be a quiet support in your journey.

Often, discernment becomes a rhythm: bringing your questions to God in prayer, listening in silence, speaking with someone you trust, and then returning again to prayer.

At times, you may even ask God for signs. That can help, but more often than not, what guides you most is a growing sense of peace. Not the absence of all questions, but a quiet steadiness within that helps you take the next step.

As you meet someone, be honest and attentive:

• Do you experience a sense of peace in their presence?

• Is there respect and openness?

• Do your values, especially your faith and vision for life, move in the same direction?

Compatibility is not just about personality; it is also about shared purpose.

And this is important: there may not be a moment of complete certainty. Instead, what grows is a deeper confidence to move forward with trust. So alongside asking, Is this the right person? it may help to also ask, Am I becoming someone who can love faithfully, freely, and well?

Because in the end, the ‘right person’ is not just found but recognised and chosen, as two people grow in love with God at the centre.

A gentle note to close:These are not steps to follow mechanically. They matter only when there is a sincere desire to seek God’s will. Discernment takes time, honesty, and trust and unfolds step by step.

Life Question: As a socially awkward person, I find interacting with people difficult, and wherever possible avoid those I don’t know. How can fellowship help my spiritual life, when I prefer to be alone with God?

Thank you for sharing this honestly. When you say ‘socially awkward,’ it often points to feeling uncomfortable or unsure in social situations, or simply being more reserved by nature. That is not something to be judged, it is part of who you are.

For some people, connecting with others comes easily. For others, it takes more time and energy. Both are valid. We are all wired differently.

At the same time, it may help to gently recognise that we are made not only for a relationship with God, but also for some form of connection with others. In the Book of Genesis, after creating everything, God saw that it was good. But after creating man, He saw that it was very good, Genesis 1:31. Relationships are part of that goodness.

Your desire to be alone with God is something beautiful. Personal prayer, silence, and that quiet space with Him are deeply important. But over time, that relationship often begins to shape how we relate to people as well, in small and natural ways.

Fellowship does not mean forcing yourself into uncomfortable situations or becoming someone, you are not. It simply means allowing a little space for others in your life, at your own pace.

Not every interaction has to be deep.

• With some people, it may be just a smile or a greeting.

• With others, a simple conversation.

• With a few, a deeper friendship.

And that is enough and okay.  You are not expected to connect with everyone in the same way. What matters is openness, even if it is very small.  Perhaps you can begin with one gentle step, speaking to one person, being part of a small group, or simply staying present without pressure.

Over time, many people notice that fellowship quietly supports their spiritual life. Sometimes, God reaches us not only in silence, but also through others, through shared moments, and through relationships that grow slowly.

So, it is not really a choice between being alone with God and being with people. Both can belong together, in a way that is true to who you are.

As you stay close to Him, allow Him to guide you, gently and patiently, into the relationships that are right for you.