LIFE QUESTIONS | KAIROS GLOBAL | OCTOBER 2026

Author: Dr Joseph Sebastian

1. Life Question: I have a problem. I can’t genuinely feel happy for another person's success.

   
   

Many of us have looked at a contemporary and thought, ‘Wow… they seem to be doing really well in life!’

Maybe they are earning more, travelling more, have a better car or the latest gadget. Maybe they got the job you were hoping for.  Maybe they bought a house, started a business, got married, had a child, their kids are doing really well, or seem to be moving ahead in life.

And then there is social media! Someone is always posting a new achievement, a new phone, a new car, a holiday, a beautiful home, a new relationship, a promotion, an award, or a life that seems to be going wonderfully well.

And suddenly, something happens inside me. I don't feel okay. I may feel jealous. I may feel inadequate or left behind. I may start comparing. I may wonder, ‘Why them and not me?’

Before I start judging myself, perhaps I need to understand something very basic about being human: We have feelings. 

The Catechism of the Catholic Church says: ‘In themselves passions are neither good nor evil’ (CCC 1767).

That is a good place to start (repeat TO START).  A feeling arises in me. Sometimes it comes before I have even had time to think. I see someone's success and something inside me reacts. I may feel happy, sad, jealous, threatened or inadequate.

The feeling has come. I did not necessarily choose it. But then comes the important question: What do I do with the feeling?

There can be a progression: Something happens → I experience a feeling → a thought arises → I entertain it → I consent to it → I act on it.

I can notice the thought: ‘Why should they have it and not me?’ – and bring it before God. Or I can feed it. I can replay it, compare myself, find faults with the person, become resentful, or secretly wish they would fail.

This is where discernment becomes important – so that we do not get trapped in our own human thinking or in the lies and distortions of the evil one.  The Catechism reminds us that passions become morally significant as they engage our reason and will (CCC 1767).

So the question is not simply, ‘Did I feel jealous?’ It is: What did I do with that jealousy?

This is why we need to be genuine with ourselves. We should neither condemn the feeling nor hide it. If we hide it, the evil one can easily whisper, ‘It is okay. Everyone feels this way,’ or ‘You deserve it more than they do.’ And what began as a feeling can slowly become a thought we entertain, a desire we justify, and eventually a choice.

So we bring it into the light: ‘Lord, this is what I am feeling. I don't want to hide it from You. Help me understand where it is taking me.’

The Catechism speaks directly about envy: ‘Envy represents a form of sadness and thus refuses to rejoice in the good of another’ (CCC 2540).

This should make us stop and think. Sometimes another person's success makes me sad; not because they have done anything wrong, but because their success reminds me of what I don't have.

And this is where another progression can begin: Acknowledge → discern → surrender → pray → choose charity → gradually learn to rejoice.

Acknowledge: ‘Lord, I find it difficult to be happy for this person.’

Discern: ‘What is this feeling telling me? What am I comparing? What am I afraid of?’

Surrender: ‘Lord, I give You this jealousy, this insecurity, this desire to be recognised.’

Pray: ‘Lord, bless this person. Thank You for what You have done in their life. Help me to wish them good genuinely.’

And then choose charity.

I may not feel happy for them immediately. But I can congratulate them. I can speak well of them. I can refuse to diminish their achievement. I can pray for them. I can choose their good.

But yes, and when I fail, and I will, I can repent, receive God's mercy and begin again. Another person's blessing is not my deprivation. Their success does not mean God has forgotten me. Their journey is not my journey. God's goodness is not a limited resource!

So perhaps the prayer is not, ‘Lord, make sure I never feel jealous.’ It is: ‘Lord, when jealousy comes, help me to recognise it, discern it, surrender it, and choose love.’

And slowly, by His grace, perhaps one day I will be able to look at another person's success and genuinely say: ‘Thank You, Lord, for this blessing in their life. I rejoice with them. And I trust You with mine.’

That too is grace.

And perhaps this is the journey of the Christian life:

from feeling to awareness,from awareness to discernment,from discernment to surrender,from surrender to charity,and from charity – slowly, slowly – to genuine joy.

We remain human. But we allow Christ to transform what is human in us.

And perhaps that is where holiness begins.

2. Life Question: A close family member confided that he has lost faith and often skips Sunday Mass. How can I help?

   
   

For most of us, our first thought may be, ‘How do I bring this person back to faith?’ But perhaps the first question is not about them. Perhaps it is about me because we cannot give what we do not have.

Most people, especially those close to us, read us – not only by what we say, but by how we live. The Church and Christ become real to many people through you and me.

So perhaps I need to ask myself, ‘Where am I in my own relationship with Christ?’ Do I radiate God's love? Does my way of life demonstrate that I truly believe in the risen Christ? Do they see peace, hope, forgiveness, compassion and trust in God when they look at me?

Or am I simply talking about a faith that is not really visible in my own life?

This matters because our lives can become either a witness or counter-witness. And when Christians, especially those in positions of responsibility in the Church, do not live what they proclaim, it can make it even harder for someone who is struggling to believe.

So perhaps the first prayer is ‘Lord, begin with me.’

Then, listen. Don't immediately start explaining, correcting or preaching. Ask gently, ‘What happened?’

Maybe there is hurt. Maybe an unanswered prayer. Maybe disappointment with God. Maybe questions about suffering. Maybe a painful experience with the Church. Maybe intellectual questions. Or perhaps faith became distant over time.

Sometimes ‘I have lost my faith’ may actually mean ‘I have been hurt.’

We need to know the story before we try to answer. 

And stay close. Don't become the spiritual policeman asking every Sunday, ‘Did you go to Mass?’ Let the person know that even while struggling with faith, they are still loved.

We can share our own experience of Christ. We can help them find answers to genuine questions. We can invite them to Mass, prayer, adoration, a retreat, a pilgrimage or simply a conversation with someone they trust.  Note it’s inviting, not forcing.

We can pray for them. We can fast. We can offer Masses and make sacrifices for their return to God. But ultimately, conversion is God's work. We cannot believe for another person.

And here I think of the Prodigal Son. Jesus says: ‘But when he came to himself…’ (Luke 15:17).

Perhaps this is what we can pray for. That somewhere within this person comes that little awakening: ‘I am not okay. I need to get up and go back.’ 

Maybe they cannot yet say, ‘I believe.’

Maybe all they can say is: ‘Lord, help me.’ That may be enough.

And notice something beautiful in the parable. The son thinks he can return only as a servant. But the father does not receive him as a servant. He runs to him and restores him as his son.

That is the heart of the Gospel.

So perhaps my task is not to bring someone back to God as though I can do God's work. My task is to love, witness, listen, accompany, pray and create a space where the person can encounter God again.

And then leave room for grace. The Father is already waiting.

Perhaps our prayer can be: ‘Lord, bring him/her to himself/herself. Give him/her even the smallest desire to turn towards You. And when that little desire comes, meet him/her there. The rest is Yours.’

Ultimately, the person should take that first step towards God, but even that first little desire can itself be grace.

Dr Joseph Sebastian is a social development professional with nearly three decades of experience working across countries, cultures and communities. He connects grassroots realities with strategy and leadership, engages with Boards, and mentors young people. With his wife, he runs Living Life Trust, which serves older persons through day-care and assisted living spaces.