IN FOCUS - OUR DAILY BREAD | KAIROS GLOBAL | JUNE 2019

Author: Ammu Zachariah

Intro: Though our visit to daily Mass might look like a mundane routine, only when our faith is tested, we understand its power; the power it holds in our life and the presence of an extraordinary grace, shares Ammu Zachariah  

One of the gifts I received for my First Holy Communion was a book on St Dominic Savio. It sat undisturbed in a corner for years until one day, bored and without any other interesting book of choice, I decided to pick it up. I remember being moved by his life. But one image made a deep imprint; the image of Dominic Savio waiting in front of the church early in the morning. Such, was his love for the Eucharistic Lord, he would be the first to arrive at church and would wait outside for the doors to be opened.

As a Sunday Catholic, I made sure I reached Mass right on time for the sermon. That way, I could “save” some time. Being an Eastern Rite Catholic, the Mass was long and I felt what comes after the sermon was more important than some songs and a few readings before that! I started going for daily Mass while doing my graduate studies in Bangalore, India. It was not for the love of the Eucharist. I used to wake up early and didn’t know how to kill time in the morning. Plus, the songs were good. Soon, I met the Jesus Youth movement on campus and realized the focus they give for the Eucharist. By then, by default, Eucharist had become part of my daily life. Ever since then, I have been going for daily Mass. I remember wading through knee-high waters to go for Eucharist. Heavy rains, political unrests, scorching sun, or even my exams couldn’t stop me. I always made it for the morning Mass. Eucharist had become part of me.

But soon, I realised that it is only because of grace that I could go for daily Mass – it has nothing to do with me. I remember deciding on many occasions not to go for Mass because I wanted rest or because of laziness! But somehow, I’ll be up and would be running out for Mass. I particularly remember as a professional, after night shifts, coming back to my room in the wee hours, hoping to sleep long, yet, somehow being up for the morning Mass. Many a times, I have felt somebody else directing my steps. Especially during times of trials or struggles. During those times I have felt that more than my desire, the faithful Lord desired me. He knew that probably this is the only way He could connect with me. “He thirsts that we may thirst for Him.”

Even when I thought daily Mass was just a routine, I didn’t realize how deep it had taken its roots in my life until a particular incident occured. There were marriage proposals coming for me and l particularly liked one of my friends and the interest was mutual. Both of us loved Christ. We wanted a Christ-centered life and faith was an integral part of our daily lives. We decided to pray over this desire during a lent season. We didn’t contact each other for this time and when we got together after Easter, feeling still positive, both of us decided to take this ahead. Only thing he asked was, being a non-Catholic, after marriage, I should convert into his rite and be involved with his church. It sounded fine. Christ will still be the center of our lives. Even though they were not Catholic, we were similar in many ways including our devotion to Mary. Things were finally falling into place. I was excited.

I kept thinking about what he had asked. Though it sounded fair and easy, something was bothering me. The next day, on my way to Mass, I felt my heart being heavy. I still couldn’t place it. During the Mass, I found myself crying. Soon, it dawned on me – daily Eucharist is my only luxury. Leaving the Catholic church means, I will have to let go of this luxury. I was in turmoil. What he was asking from me was my existence. With great pain, I realized I could not let go of this that easily. No matter how Christ-centered our lives will be, no matter how ardently we practice Christian values, no matter how involved we will be with the youth, no matter how prayerful we will be, I will not survive without the Eucharist. It hurt! We realized this won’t work out. Never in my life I thought or realized Eucharist had such power over me. 

St Thomas Aquinas points out three distinctive symbolisms of Mass: it signifies the sacrifice of Christ, food, and unity of the Church. The grace of Eucharist is sacrificial, which overflows into our daily lives. The Eucharist nourishes our mortal body and sustains our soul in its spiritual journey. Finally, through the supernatural charity that is bestowed upon us through this sacrament, we, the Church, becomes a collective, visible sign of Christ’s presence. 

Looking into my life, I have realized this is true. The sacrifices one makes as a mother, wife, daughter, friend is definitely flowing from the cross. In the Eucharist I have found healing and nourishment; physical and emotional. It’s in daily Mass I have had strong insights about life, decisions made, doubts cleared, and forgiveness poured out. It is also where I have found comfort during the darkest hours. Being in the presence of a whole congregation of faithful people has taken away my loneliness and has given me a sense of belonging.

Though our visit to daily Mass might look like a mundane routine, only when our faith is tested, we understand its power; the power it holds in our life and the presence of an extraordinary grace. Even when you don’t feel his presence, even when we can’t see him, in that darkness and chaos of our life, He is present. And probably the Eucharist could be the only way he could reach us and he is desperately holding on that one string that connects us with him. Don’t break it! 

Ammu Zachariah lives in Maryland, USA with her husband and two-year-old daughter. Ammu was a 12^th batch fulltimer and is currently part of the Kairos Global Editorial Council.