HEROIC FAITH OF A LIFE HEROICALLY DEVOTED TO JESUS | KAIROS GLOBAL | MARCH 2022

Author: Bedwin Titus K

Bedwin Titus K, Ajna’s friend and fellow member of the JY Kochi Central Prayer Group core team remembers her. 

I've known Ajna for the past 10 years. I first met her during a prayer group meeting at Sacred Heart College, Thevara. I had gone there to conduct the praise and worship for their prayer group. From the very beginning itself, I found Ajna to be a very humble, innocent, and shy person. But she had a strong desire to bring her friends and college mates closer to Jesus. Talking to her I could feel her love for Jesus, but she always used to say that she was unworthy of his love. Jesus was someone very personal to Ajna. t made her sad when people drifted away from God or when their interest in attending the college prayer group waned. But she would strongly pray for them knowing that God had a plan. If someone said something bad about Jesus or the Church or Jesus Youth, she would become really sad. She used to bounce back after recharging herself with simple conversations with Jesus. We would confidently say, ‘If Ajna is sad, you can find her in a chapel’.

She had this beautiful way of emptying herself and letting Jesus take complete control of the things she did. I have witnessed numerous times her graceful handling of many things that were new to her. From difficult situations to big programmes, she beautifully handled them all. 

It's not like Ajna didn't get worried/tense, I remember how she used to really worry on the day before a programme where she was the coordinator or when things didn’t go as planned. The more worried she would get, the more she would pray, and the more she would talk with Jesus. I remember how happy she would become when the programmes concluded successfully or when a problem got resolved; she would be filled with praise making sure to share with everyone that it was Jesus who did it.

She had a strong conviction that Jesus would make everything for good and that he was there with her, loving and caring for her. She also had a strong desire to share that love she experienced. There was always a loving grace in her conversations that was hard to miss. Ajna was instrumental in bringing a lot of youth close to Jesus. Her testimony on her love for the Holy Mass has transformed many young people.

After a few years of limited contact with Ajna, it was with happiness that I learnt of her posting as assistant professor in her own alma mater. But later, when I came to know that on that same day she received news of her cancer diagnosis, I was shocked. My initial thought was how could something like this happen to her? How could such suffering come to so innocent and humble a person who was in love with Jesus? 

One afternoon, 6-7 months back, I called to ask her if she was interested in attending the Central Prayer Group at Kochi. She had mentioned that she had stopped attending online meetings due to her condition, since her face was disfigured, she was hesitant to come on video. But she said that she would try to attend and even asked if it was ok that she turned off the video during the meeting. Unaware of her situation at that time, I casually asked if she had had lunch, that’s when she explained that it had been some time since she consumed solid food. Her food intake was now through a tube to her stomach. 

From the next week itself, she began to attend the prayer meeting and never missed a single session. The only prayer meeting she missed was the week when she was admitted for the last time, she was heavily sedated. 

Messages from Ajna

The following screenshots are a few conversations I had with Ajna during the past few months. When you put these messages in context with the pain she suffered, only a saint would be able to think like this. Each word typed by Ajna was laborious and strenuous for her amidst the severe headaches.

In December 2021, she had shared the following message briefing her situation.

After reading the message I was deeply saddened. A particular thought gnawing at me, ‘What if she loses eyesight, hearing, and her ability to talk? Wouldn’t it be a complete silence? How would she hold up in that void? The only person to whom she could talk to was Jesus’. I panicked and was worried. In my desperation, I wanted to make sure that she was still on talking terms with Jesus. But I really struggled to frame the words. So I put in a voice message asking whether she is able to have conversations with Jesus these days.

The above reply was a bit too much for me to take in. I had absolutely no idea what to answer back. I ended up restating, ‘Even if you reach a point where you cannot hear, speak, see, Jesus is there with you whom you can talk to’.

From her reply I was sure that she had a very strong holy bond with Jesus. Only a saintly person could praise God and acknowledge his presence while going through so much pain.

Even though I knew that her face was disfigured, it was when I saw the body that I could really understand the extent of her suffering. All the above conversations and sharing she did during the prayer groups were hours and hours of painful sacrifice and she did it with no complaints. She never gave up.

Even though all who know her are deeply saddened by her death, we are also happy that she is now able to be with the love of her life. I thank Jesus for letting me know her.

As we have begun to say, ‘Ajna, pray for us’.