GOING BACK TO HIM, OVER AND OVER | KAIROS GLOBAL | DECEMBER 2020

Author: Tresa Alex (Tia)

Intro: As a teenager, Tresa Alex understood how guilt could affect one’s relationship with Jesus. She says that we don’t have to brew in our own guilt. We only need to go back, over and over again to Him, who never condemns.

Before I start writing about my journey with Jesus as a teenager, let me ask you a question. How many times have you adored being in your own little pity party? How many times have you loathed the feeling of guilt in you? Now what if I told you, the very reason Jesus died for you is so that you don’t ever have to feel this way? 

Coming from a Catholic family where Jesus was the center of it all gave me a solid foundation in him. As I grew, I started understanding the world and also how important it was to hold on to what I was taught as a kid, and what I’d heard from all the retreats and prayer meetings I had been to. 

As I grew up, there was one thing I was clear about regardless of where I was – that I loved Jesus. That became my identity. I was and still am known as ‘Jesus girl’. I wasn’t embarrassed about it or threatened, in fact I had no problem being referred to like that. The people you surround yourself with play a huge role in how you perceive yourself. By the grace of God, I have a bunch of wonderful friends who respect the person I am. So, don’t ever sell yourself short; if your friends don’t respect your relationship with Jesus, then you should probably make them understand or find people who will respect your love for the Lord. Those are the ones who will be by your side. As you grow, God will teach you how to express your love for him. So, don’t be intimidated by the questions the world puts forward. It is important to ask questions, but it is equally important to be understanding. I had questions, a lot of them. But I never doubted, I could never doubt. God had been so wonderful to me in so many ways that it would be a crime if I ever doubted him or said, ‘It was a coincidence.’ There are no coincidences, what Jesus wants done is what will happen. 

I can’t begin to explain how many times I’ve deviated from the path of the Lord and how Jesus has so lovingly pulled my ears and put me back on his track. The decisions you make as a teenager are so important. You won’t understand it then, but Jesus takes you so seriously. Every word you say, every deed you do, every intention in your heart, he listens to. You are so important to him, it’s unfathomable how much you affect him. It took me a while to understand, that regardless of my sin, he has my back. What always brings me to tears is that when I go against him, he is still the one who has my back even after that. Who does that? Who comes to you and says, ‘It’s okay, let me pick you up,’ after you’ve hurt them, again and again? I finally understood why I needed to repent. I needed to repent so Jesus could come fully. He wanted the best for me. 

I was seventeen when I understood the power of guilt and how it could shake one’s relationship with Jesus. It is very important to understand that guilt doesn’t come from God. Jesus doesn’t condemn you for what you did. He just wants you as you are. In all your filth, he craves for your love, for you to pray your broken prayers. I never understood when I was told, ‘to go to God as I am’. I thought I was going to him as myself. Sadly, my naïve mind would go to Jesus with a mask so thick and prayers so perfect anyone would melt. But he knew, he knew how I was brewing in my own guilt and was coming to him to pray out of obligation. 

Prayer is so important. Pray to Him regardless of what you’re feeling. Jesus shows you so much, he makes you realise so much when you pray. Spending time with him would give me clarity and insight. So, if you’re a teenager reading this, I have just one piece of advice for you. Pray your broken prayers, don’t brew in your own guilt, and let Jesus handle it for you. Go back to him every time you sin, go back to him over and over again. Trust his way and be proud to be his child. 

Tresa Alex is a twenty-two-year old recent graduate of BBA. She works for an advertising and marketing firm.