EFFECTIVE PARENTING | KAIROS GLOBAL | FEBRUARY 2019

Author: Dr. Kochurani Joseph

Intro: Can we punish our children? Are we allowed to beat them with a stick as a punishment? Do we have the right to do so? If so, what all types of punishments can we give to our children? Dr Kochurani Joseph tries to answer all your questions on parenting

Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them. (Proverbs 13:24)

Each new born child gives us the message that God’s mercy and love towards humanity is continuing forever. Parenting is a huge responsibility and a very strenuous one. But in today’s busy life, many views it as a burden. Effective parenting is a joyful responsibility taken by both the mother and the father.

We have to welcome the new born baby with love and enthusiasm. The moment the child is conceived, parents should prepare to welcome the baby. A child is the greatest gift from God. We should receive it with utmost love and care; help them to bloom, flower and grow. We should give them the freedom to fly and discover the world and build their own lives by guiding and leading them. 

Each child is born with different interests and perceptions. Try to discover their particular tastes. We shouldn’t compare and kill their creativity at a young age. Discover their strengths and weaknesses. That’s what a responsible motherhood and fatherhood can do. Isn’t it what we call effective parenting?

Punishment and discipline

Can we punish our children? Are we allowed to beat them with a stick as a punishment? Do we have the right to do so? If so, what all types of punishments can we give to our children? Many parents are concerned with this issue. Different countries have diverse forms to deal with this issue. In olden days parents were very strict with authoritative style. ‘Command and obey’ was the type of parenting. They didn’t know how to express their parental love to their kids. They brought them up in fear. But today the scenario has changed. It became more child-friendly. Children are the ones who decide the schedule of most of the families.  But these two methods are not correct. We can take a middle stand for an effective parenting. Disciplining should be done in a cordial loving way. Children should know why they are punished for certain mistakes. 

Take an example of 100 children. Around 10% children will need a loving guidance to understand their mistakes. The other 20% may need to be spanked and some may not even have any reactions to it. We should understand them and give them punishments according to their needs.  Hebrews 12:11 says no discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Once, a three-year-old boy called bad names to his six-year-old sister. Then and there his father gave him a beating with a stick and told him not to repeat this. The boy understood his mistake and later the same father told that he had to beat the boy only once in his life time. When we make them understand about their mistakes through punishments, certain values will deeply penetrate into their mind as well. Colossians 3:21 says fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

In another instance, a boy plucked plants from his neighbor’s house and drew picture on the wall. What should we do? He has done two mistakes here. One, he plucked the neighbor’s plants and, he drew the picture on someone else’s wall. We should call the child and make him understand his mistakes. Then, ask him to apologize to the neighbor and erase the pictures from the wall. This will teach him to know how to solve his own mistakes in his life. To make them know about their mistakes and to allow them to solve it by themselves is a good way of punishment and also effective parenting. Proverbs 22:6 says, start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

Another example is when small kids bring other’s pencils or rulers or erasers from the school. If we ask them, they will first say that it was given by their friends. Ask them again, and they will say that it was lying on the floor. If we ask once again they will say they took it without their permission or knowledge. We need to correct them immediately, if needed in a little bit strict way. Otherwise, this will lead to may be grave mistakes or even a criminal offense.

Thus, for each scenario we need different types of punishments. We cannot say specifically that this or that way of punishment is the right way. Even if we are punishing them we should stand with them. They should feel that we are with them, embrace them, care for them and love them. Ephesians 6:4 says fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Dr Kochurani Joseph holds a doctorate in Economics and has served as a professor for more than three decades. She has been with the movement since its beginning. Currently, she is the Animator of the Jesus Youth Professional Ministry in India.