CONFESSIONAL FROM THE OTHER SIDE | KAIROS GLOBAL | JUNE 2021

Author: Fr. Justin Panachickal MSFS

Intro: Fr. Justin Panachickal writes about confession, particularly from the perspective of a priest.

The sacrament of reconciliation or confession has always been a subject of consolation as well as controversy over the centuries. Legion are the crises the Church has been through to uphold the sacredness of this sacrament. The world may scorn and deride but for those who have experienced its power, no explanation is necessary. It is a sacrament that saves sinners and raises saints. Tertullian would say, confession is like a plank being offered after a shipwreck. Yes, it is the next means of sanctification after baptism. 

There is always a curiosity to know what a priest feels while hearing confession – to hear all the nasty stuff. Do we remember all the people and their sins? How do we face a person after they have confessed to us? Does it affect our emotion? Do we get depressed?  

Confession, I would say, is the Hospital of the Soul and priests are the Doctors of the Soul. There may be those who find the confessional embarrassing – a place where we open up our darkest secrets, that too in person. Rather it is the contrary, a place of assurance where you bring the broken pieces of your life, entrust it to God through a priest and see it made whole. If approached right it is a healing, liberating experience. As priests, we receive souls sick in sinfulness and through the authority given in priesthood, cleanse them and fill them with grace. This is an important aspect overlooked by many. Confession is not only about forgiveness of sins but also replenishing one’s soul with the grace of God. That’s why after a heartfelt confession, you would feel so light and beautiful, like a butterfly. 

Priest are instruments of God’s forgiveness. Forgiveness is through the Holy Spirit (John 20:22-23). Breath of God, Ruah, always indicates new life. This is exactly what is being offered in confession, a fresh start, to begin our life all over again. It is so disheartening to see people around helpless and not being able to do anything about it. And so it is wonderful to offer hope and joy to those who approach you. Far from their sins, what we hear in confession is their brokenness, failure, pain, despair, shame; the cry of a crushed heart and soul. Now as mediums of God’s mercy, it’s all about consoling, strengthening and leading others to experience the joy of God’s love and mercy.

Is the confessional about judgement and punishment? No. But it is sad to see people coming to confession out of compulsion and fear. Many treat this sacrament as a ritual, to satisfy oneself and the world. Confession doesn’t start at the confessional, but in the heart. It is all about realising that I have hurt and offended God’s love and am sorry – not out of fear but out of love. Here I see the mercy of God in action. Here I do not find a judgement, but an assurance and security in God’s love and forgiveness. Sitting at the confessional, I feel the love of God transforming hearts. When people voice their sins, they are overwhelmed in guilt and grief, they know they have done wrong – something they couldn’t help. So vast is the mercy I see at work, like the father of the prodigal son, embracing them, forgiving them, saving them from the verge of destruction. Here we experience the true meaning of the sacrifice of Jesus on the Cross. And being there for them, on God’s behalf is so moving. For this exact reason, it hurts so much when people come to confession with lack of repentance or unprepared.  

Going to confession is a sign that you still trust in the love of God. Many get bored after few confessions, either by repeating the same sins; or by going to the same priest, repeating the same sins. St. Josemaría Escrivá says, every saint is a sinner who keeps trying. This is why we say, every time a person goes to confession, a saint is in the making. It is not about falling over the same hurdle umpteen times, it is about getting up and running to God, to start over. It’s about one’s dedication and perseverance in trying and not giving up, for as long as you don’t give up you don’t fail. Even if we get tired of asking for forgiveness, God never tires of forgiving us. You are not there to impress the priest, or to showcase your goodness, but to be your very true self. You are standing before God, who looks into your heart and wishes to see your earnestness. Pride makes us act like the Pharisee, hide our sinfulness, justify our faults and boast of our goodness.

Listening to sins confessed is not the least fascinating and the confessional harbours no curiosity to know the sins. What pleasure do we priests get listening to a broken heart? Sins are burdens and stains that need removal. Amazingly, I rarely remember the sins I hear, this I’m sure is the same with others priests too. We are entitled to safeguard the seal of confession and to act in a manner unaffected by the knowledge of confession; this is a God-given grace. If we were to remember all that was heard, it would rob us of our peace and joy. Not to mention, sins are garbage disposed. Once dealt with there is no point scavenging. There are many I personally know, who come to me for confession. Remarkably, their confessions don’t affect my relationship in the slightest. Some don’t feel comfortable, but those who feel free to open up to someone who knows them, make better confession. It is all a love story where the hero dies for the villain.

Confession is a very humbling experience as well. At times when I listen to people, I feel crushed knowing that I do the same or even worse but have been unaware. To top that, God chose me, a sinner, to shower his mercy on another. Basically, I see the state of my own soul. There were times, realising the person’s holiness, I could ask for their blessing instead. Witnessing the humility of the other is also a good examination of my own heart. At times, it can be scary too – am I really worthy to do all this? As Archbishop Fulton Sheen once told priests, we scarcely realise what is happening when we extend our hands over someone’s head in absolution. We don’t realise, he said, that the very Blood of Christ is dripping from our fingers onto their heads, washing the penitent clean.

I admit, at times it felt burdensome when there were huge numbers for confession. As Pope Francis would say, this ministry is so delicate that the priest should be in a state of peace, not to overreact or to get irritated with the penitent. He shouldn’t be rash but gentle and merciful. They are to be ministers of forgiveness. So, we as priests have to be equipped to act beyond ourselves. Priests offer the real love of God, nothing else. Jesus paid the price. Priests are called to join their suffering and pain to God in penance for those who confess to him. The priest stands in judgment of no one. In the confessional, the only thing I have to offer is mercy.

Now, I have to tell you, after confession, don’t forget to forgive yourself. Many struggle to accept and forgive themselves, despite the fact that Jesus has forgiven them. This will leave you dry and confused. Take it to heart, love yourself as God loves you, for, He has won you back. Confessional is a place of victory, where God would say, my child was lost, now s/he is found. Despite the number of times you have confessed; it’s a win for Jesus, a victory of the cross. As I witness this, I tell myself, while leaving the confessional one has to be more joyful and graceful than before. It feels so good to be on the winning side, albeit with rolling tears.   

Fr. Justin Joseph Panachickal completed his schooling in the UK. He joined the MSFS seminary and was ordained in 2017. He is presently at Charis Bhavan Retreat Centre in Kottayam, India and is the JY Chaplain for the zone.