CLOTHING FOR THE HEALING JOURNEY | KAIROS GLOBAL | NOVEMBER 2026

Author: Amulya Neil

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Intro: How we dress speaks about who we are, writes Amulya Neil, as she reflects on healing and clothing.

Wounds affect our everyday lives in hidden ways, like scratches on a pair of glasses we’re used to, oblivious to the lack of clarity they bring to vision. They impact every area of our lives, including our dressing. While dressing’s primary role is safety, protection, warmth, and covering, it involves more. Dressing and fashion are forms of self-expression. In Baruch, we see the Lord calling us to be intentional about our dressing: Jerusalem, take off your robe of mourning and misery; put on forever the splendour of glory from God(Baruch 5:1), expressing to the world the glory God bestows on us. Owning this glory is the freedom experienced by a redeemed child of God. 

This journey of growing into freedom is, in other words, treading the path of healing. A freedom that slowly and steadily consumes and translates into every aspect of our being, including the way we dress and present ourselves. The foundation of this freedom is an experience of being loved and accepted, just as one is. There is space to be oneself without criticism, without judgement, without shame. And it is in experiencing this unconditional love and acceptance that one learns to follow the heart of the Father, who is all good and only desires one’s good. 

So how does this apply to the context of fashion? 

I remember one evening during our weekly prayer meeting, I was in charge of preteens, and we were discussing the virtue of modesty. God asks us to be like little children because they have no masks. One such little child described modesty, with much enthusiasm, sliding her hands across her body, defining all the areas that have to be covered in order for an outfit to be considered modest. We then sat with the paradox of how many of the older Jesus Youth in the prayer meeting itself were not meeting these expectations. Her natural solution then was to label them as immodest. This interaction stays as a reminder of my own heart, how my wounds of control and fear festered criticism and judgement of others. It is only in recent years that He has been slowly changing my heart to see the person before the ‘rules’ they are breaking. 

I think this is a common struggle/wound in our communities. Oftentimes in our self-reliant attempts at living the Gospel, we bypass our humanness to meet that which can only be achieved with supernatural grace. In the name of ‘modesty’ and ‘charity,’ beautiful virtues that we ought to desire, we control and limit our own and our children’s very human need to express themselves and to belong. We might even expect them to be like rocks, unimpacted by their peers, oftentimes leaving them to deal with isolation, confusion, shame, and frustration. 

Another important reality is how these unhealed wounds and associated vices of judgement and control make us close doors to the ones whom the Father longs for too, for whom there is a seat at His table. When our gatherings are full of people who share uniform rules on aspects such as dressing, it is a clear sign that our wounds are blocking His children who might look and dress differently from sharing the space that belongs to them too. 

Does this mean we ought to leave our children (or even ourselves) to dress in any way?

This brings us to another story. Amy (name changed) is a young and active Jesus Youth, wife, mother, and a businesswoman. Amy grew up in a family of faith with her parents actively involved in ministry. From a young age, she enjoyed dressing up with trends of the time. She chose clothes she liked, some of which were outside the rules/standards of her community. Amy was and is close to Jesus and knew He loved her as she is. A year back, during a personal retreat, she discerned sacrificing her preference for certain clothes. It came from a space of growing awareness of the inclinations of her heart, revealing her need for admiration and attention which played out in how she dressed. She decided to give away a good portion of the clothes in her wardrobe. What struck me from my conversation with Amy was this sentence, ‘Jesus didn’t really ask me to. I chose this because I love Him and I wanted to see what I could give away to please Him. Jesus never forces us, right?’ Amy believes that this decision brought her so much closer to Him. Even though it was a tough choice, she has experienced more love, freedom and growth ever since. 

Notice how this was a choice Amy made out of her love for Jesus? How this decision was taken from a place of freedom (not of shame or control), from a deep knowledge that her worth and acceptance didn’t depend on what she wore or didn’t wear? This truly is modesty. This is the growth that the Father calls His children to. Growth that stems out of experiencing His love, thus choosing to love and look beyond oneself. Love that calls for sacrifice because one is already loved. Oftentimes the focus instead is placed on the latter – the sacrificing, the giving up – even before one has known one’s worth and identity in the Father. This causes more harm than good. We need to start focusing on growing in this experience of being loved and accepted. 

Experiencing the loving gaze of the Father is where healing begins. It transforms us. It allows us to be compassionate to ourselves and to hold space for our flaws and limitations and thus for those of others. It allows us to see the person instead of what they’re doing ‘wrong’. It allows us to dress from a place of freedom, instead of shame or anxiety. It frees us from the need to control or the urge to judge how others dress. Our focus shifts from dressing for the approval of others to dressing to display the profound glory in being His child. We become witnesses of Love even in the way we dress.

A Counselling Psychologist, Amulya is married to Neil George. They live in Ernakulam, India.