CLEARING CONFUSIONS WITH ST IGNATIUS OF LOYOLA | KAIROS GLOBAL | OCTOBER 2022

Author: Jisha John

Jason: How to choose? What to decide? Perplexed and exhausted, here I turn to thee, my Lord. Show me the way.

Ignatius: Dear Jason, What’s up?

: Hey, dear Ignatius! I’m good.

 : I don’t think so. You are upset. You have been in darkness for many days. You are struggling to make decisions.

 : Oh! You are right. I am clueless. Tell me something. Help me. Have you had such trouble in life?

 : Yes, I’ve had a plethora of them. So, I understand you. You are confused and troubled.

  : Yeah, exactly. I asked some of my friends about this but they couldn’t help me.

 : Don’t worry! I can help you with some tricks and tips.

: Hurray! At last, here I am gonna make it.

 : Sure. Do you know how I became a priest?

 : You were a soldier, weren’t you?

 : Yes. Born and brought up in Loyola, Spain, I joined the army at 17. I was a warrior, a proud soldier who ran after fame and popularity. But, things changed when I was badly fractured and returned to my father’s castle in Loyola to recuperate.

 : How did it happen?

 : It was the Battle of Pamplona. I was hit by a cannonball, and my leg was almost shattered. I underwent many surgeries but they couldn’t provide complete recovery. In the end, my right leg was shorter than the left one. And, there ended my military career.

 : Oh! So sad. That was a career loss. You were a great army officer, having the title ‘servant of the court.’

 : But I was to become ‘servant of Christ.’ I was being prepared for higher things. And that was the time I struggled with decisions. During my convalescence at home, I was very bored. One day, I asked for some chivalrous romance novels to cheer me up. But I was given books on Christ and the saints. Though I took those books with great disappointment, they eventually changed my life. I read De Vita Christi by Ludolph of Saxony. And I was deeply moved by the saints like St Francis of Assisi. I prayed ardently.

 : You totally changed!

 : Almost. But I still struggled with decisions. My thoughts took me to my old passions. I imagined serving the king again and spending time with the royal lady whom I loved much. It brought me a lot of pleasure but I felt dissatisfied and empty in no time. When I thought of the saints and their stories, it was joyful. I felt at ease and enjoyed peace of mind. I was very thrilled. That was the first instance where I learned about discernment. I pondered on two options. The one that brought joy and peace was the right one for me.

 : That is an eye opener. This will definitely work for me.

 : Yes, it will. Later, I decide to visit Jerusalem after my recovery. I wished to kiss the earth where our Lord had walked. I practised penance for my sins. I bid farewell to my family and left for Montserrat. I had a total wash there, a grace-filled confession. I hung my sword and dagger near the statue of Mother Mary as a symbol of my abandoned ambitions. I put on sackcloth and after three days, I went to Manresa and spent nearly a year over there.

: You were living on alms. I read about it recently. You would pray for seven hours a day and often lived in a cave.

 : That’s true. It was my formation year. I had Holy Mass every day. The time I stayed there was great with spiritual trials, joy and visions. I received an inner light that persisted through every darkness in and around me. I was tasting wisdom.

 : Did you write The Spiritual Exercises then?

 : I started working on it. I had written the fundamentals.

 : It has great suggestions and ideas. Actually, someone suggested this book to me but I couldn’t read it so far. What’s it about?

 : Prayer is the first thing. Pray ardently to learn God’s will. Examine the pros and cons. Imagine and reflect on your decision, the end product. Then, make that choice and live it. Later, evaluate it.

 : This can be tried. It looks so practical.

 : The wisdom of God shall help you.

 : That reassures me. My confessor told me the same thing when I shared my turmoil with him. He asked me to repeat Wisdom 9:10.

 : Send her forth from your holy heavens and from your glorious throne dispatch her…

 : … that she may be with me and work with me, that I may know what is pleasing to you.

 : Go ahead, you will be guided.

 : Thank you Ignatius.

Tell me, did you visit Jerusalem? You said you wished for it.

 : I visited the Holy Land but couldn’t stay there permanently as I planned. God’s will was right. I was guided to choose to study for some time. And that was a time of trials, suspicion, and imprisonment. I was found innocent and acquitted later.

 : What about the Society of Jesus, the Jesuits?

 : That was God’s plan. My companions, Francis Xavier and Peter Faber were with me to build it. They were my closest associates.

 : Great. It was the plan of God for many. Praise God!

 : Praise him to the fullest. He is with us.

 : Yes, his presence strengthens.

 : Let me ask you now. How do you feel?

 : I feel great, composed and relaxed.

 : I agree. May the peace of the Lord be with you always.

: Amen!