CHOSEN TO AFFIRM OUR CHILDREN | KAIROS GLOBAL | MARCH 2022

Author: Jilu Chengat

Intro: Jilu Chengat writes how we as parents can learn tender affirmation and mercifully just discipline from God the Father. 

These days it is commonplace to hear about speaking affirmations to grow in confidence and self-esteem. Affirmations are known as statements of truth spoken as a reminder to orient a person. As Christian parents, affirmations can be powerful tools to form our children in their identity and self-worth, especially when we look to God and his Word for guidance. 

On the wall in my daughter’s room was written this verse from Jeremiah 1:5, Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart. Every morning while getting her ready, I would proclaim the verse and say, ‘Magdalena Rose, you are special!’ As she grew more independent, I found myself doing this less and less. In fact, as she grew older, rather than verses of blessing or affirmations, I often found myself speaking critical and harsh words when she didn’t meet my expectations. 

Frustrated with myself, I turned to prayer and began to realise that this gap in my parenting came from my own wounds and childhood. Over time, I identified and received healing and deliverance from wounds of inadequacy, unrealistic expectations, and critical words. I began to see and love the humanity of my parents and in turn my own humanity and limitations. Most importantly, I received through these healings, an invitation from the Lord to remain a child, his beloved daughter. He reminded me of how much he loved me for who I was. His words of affirmation, through Scripture and prayer, strengthened my resolve to love my children more tenderly, even when I had no idea how to do so! As God the Father loved me, I received deeply from his tender affirmation and mercifully just discipline and began to learn from his beautiful model of parenting.

This model of parenting is clearly visible in the interaction between God and his Son during the Baptism of Jesus. The heavens opened up and God proclaimed these words over his son, This is my beloved son, with whom I am well pleased. (Matthew 3:17) In this simple but profound exchange between the Father and the Son, God expresses his delight in his son and affirms his being. It is important to note here that his delight and affirmation is not expressed for what his son has done, but for who he is. The baptism of Jesus occurs at the beginning of Jesus’s public ministry. Until that point, he had not done any public miracles or made himself known to the world, yet, in the eyes of his Father he was pleasing! 

This may be the most difficult idea for us to actualise in our own life and in the affirmations we speak. How many times do we praise our children for who they are versus what they do? An awareness of this is very enlightening, as most of us will realise that our affirmations and praise center around the actions of our child. While it is not wrong to praise their good behavior or actions, it is clear by looking at God the Father, that we are called to affirm their goodness and being. Opportunities lay aplenty as we seek moments when our child is being loving, caring, wise, prudent, and the like. Even when we would like to praise the good work of our child, we can look deeper to acknowledge their perseverance or generosity and virtue in completing the action. Moments of discipline and correction can also provide opportunities for affirmation as we bless their desire for humility or reconciliation. In these ways, our children grow in confidence that whether they have done the right thing or not, they are still a beloved child. 

Of course, as with many things in Christian life, this is much easier said than done. When we have not grown up in a culture of affirmation and blessing, we may recognise that more than just learning the right words to speak over our children, we need to allow God’s affirmation to heal us. If that sounds like you, God has an affirmation for you. He says, ‘You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.’ God has chosen you! Through your own healing and by your words of truth you can build strong foundations for the holiness of your children as you bless them, affirm them, and bear them to be fruit that lasts in this world! 

A few affirmations based on Scripture 

Because you are precious in my sight, and honored, and I love you. Isaiah 43:4	You are precious.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14	You are wonderfully made.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. Ephesians 1:3	You are blessed.
If you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you. Mathew 17:20	Nothing is impossible for you.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11	God has great plans for you.

Jilu Chengat lives in Massachusetts, USA where she lives out her missionary call as a wife and mother to three children. She enjoys writing and accompanying young people as they discern the voice of God in their lives.