BLESSED AND BROKEN | KAIROS GLOBAL | AUGUST 2022

Author: Anil Israel.

Intro: I must be the change I wish to see in my family life, says Anil Israel.

We are all on a journey – a lifelong journey of perfection. For scripture itself exhorts: You, therefore, must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect (Matthew 5:48). Though perfection may appear as an unattained goal in life, the lifelong pursuit of perfection is what matters. Participation is mandatory. Perseverance is essential. Am I willing to keep on keeping on? God looks at the intention in our hearts with which we do all that we do. Success eventually is not viewed in terms of results and achievements, but in terms of faithfulness. The extent to which I have been willing to be faithful to His call, to His plans, is what counts. 

When the sailing is smooth, there is nothing to fear. Where there is no adventure, there is also no fun. When there are no mistakes, there are also no lessons learnt. We must be thankful therefore, that the path to progress is uneven and bumpy like a roller-coaster ride – sometimes up – sometimes down. 

When the disciples were in a boat and their boat was caught up in the midst of a storm, they were left with no option but to turn to Jesus who was asleep (Matthew 8:24) in the boat. Likewise, when things don’t seem to progress as per our human-logical-intellectual plans, when we too seem to have reached a dead-end with no way-forward in sight, then we too turn out with our cry for help, to Him who rebuked the winds (Matthew 8:26) and calmed the sea. It is only when we hit rock-bottom that we remember to include Jesus in the team. 

This is a very important lesson for all of us, especially married couples. A threefold cord is not quickly broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12). A cord of three strands is made up of three persons – the husband, the wife and not-to-forget most significantly God Himself. For if God is not part of all our planning and decision making, then mistakenly (albeit unintentionally) we have unknowingly allowed Jesus to remain asleep in the boat of our lives.

In the wedding at Cana, when the wine ran out, we see a wine-out situation (problem-in), and shortly thereafter Jesus-in (problem-out). In the life of every family, Jesus is simply indispensable. Let all families strive to put Jesus in the centre of their family life. The image of the Holy Family itself shows Jesus in the centre. 

It’s well said that God helps those who help themselves. So, we need to always do our best and then leave the rest to God. Life is a blend of human-divine partnership. What we ought to do, we must, we ought not to leave it to God. What is beyond our human capacity, where we acknowledge our human limitations-frailty-weakness, there His grace takes over. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you (James 4:8). 

What else can I do to overcome times of crisis? Let us first acknowledge that in a family, husband and wife are not meant to compete one another but complement one another. Each one should learn to appreciate the unique strengths of the other person. Of course, we all have our own unique weaknesses too. The earlier we learn to accept the shortcomings of the other person, the better. 

In the early years of family life, one invariantly thinks in terms of changing the other person to one’s own way of thinking, doing, liking. But we forget the truth that we are not change-agents. That is the role of the Holy Spirit. Only the Holy Spirit can convince someone to change. We can pray to the Spirit to bring about a change in the other person, if it is in God’s will and give the time needed for that change to come about (which could even be a lifetime). At the same time, truly and very importantly, change is inevitable, but let me be open to the idea that, what if it is God’s will that the change should occur in me instead of my partner? Let me be open to change. 

We are meant to be a blessing (Genesis 12:2) to one another. To make one another and not break one another. I must encourage and help my partner to bloom and grow. I must recognise the temperamental differences and accept them without any attempt to change them. Temperaments are basic raw material which make up a person, and simply cannot be changed. I must therefore learn to let go. I must allow myself to be ‘blessed and broken’ (cf. Matthew 26:26). Whenever I am willing to be broken, I allow myself to be a blessing. I must be the change I wish to see in my family life.

Lord help me to remember that nothing is going to happen to me today that you and I together cannot handle. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know it’s me.