BLESS ME FATHER | KAIROS GLOBAL | JUNE 2021

Author: Rony Joseph, Ontario, Canada

Experiences on the Sacrament of Reconciliation

Living as a Child of God

Confession has always been a topic for discussion leading to long conversation when it comes to sharing our faith with peers. I have failed miserably in addressing those difficult questions, taking comfort in the fact that Jesus alone is the Savior and that I’m a channel or an instrument in his hands. It is he, who can touch their hearts.

For me personally, the Sacrament of Reconciliation has been a very humbling experience affirming His Lordship. From each and every decision to go for a confession, I have seen a new door opening for me to reconnect with God, to experience the peace and the joy that he has to offer, and live the life of a child of God in all its fullness. God being a constant in our life like our best buddy, would want us to take to him everything, all the good and the bad in our lives. I have felt the kind relief of opening up to a trusted friend, at the same time got bowled over by the comfort and solace that we get to experience only through this unique and beautiful sacrament in the Catholic Church. One thing I struggle with is to forgive myself even after a confession and I wonder how God can still love me. The scripture says that in Jesus Christ, we have a redeemer who is able to sympathise with our weaknesses, and that was a revelation for me. It is in this sacrament we see the victory of God’s love and the rejoicing of heaven at souls taking those humbling steps in faith to come to him. Moreover, this sacrament opens our eyes to see the depth of our Lord’s mercy.

Today as we navigate through this unprecedented time, the access to this sacrament is being affected more because of the restrictions and protocol. I feel that we are slowly losing our sense of sin and have started overlooking it. Acknowledging sin in our actions, deeds and words against God and our neighbours is an inevitable step for a good confession. I try to spend some time with the Lord in the Blessed Sacrament and do an examination of conscience before going to the confessional. I have found Guide for Examining Conscience pamphlets, very helpful in recalling our failures and short comings. Last but not least, getting the help from the Paraclete, our advocate and asking him to open our inner eyes to see where we have fallen short and to give us a contrite heart.

My first encounter with the Lord was during a confession, and I can’t put into words the joy, peace, love and freedom I experienced following that. Until then I was unaware of the things that were weighing me down. Giving all our burdens to God gives us freedom – real freedom in Christ, to live as a child of God in its fullest.

Casting Away Burdens

So he got up and went back to his father. While he was still a long way off, his father caught sight of him, and was filled with compassion. He ran to his son, embraced him and kissed him (Luke 15:20).

Growing up I always went for confession only as a routine, either every month or sometimes even delayed. And by the time I made my confession, I would have forgotten most of my sins. Whenever I went to spiritual counseling or when someone prayed over me, they would ask me if I was doing my confession properly. But I was doing my confessions every month and confessed all the sins I remembered. After all, I was not a murderer.

I kept asking the Lord to give me the grace to do my confession sincerely. I also wanted to experience the graces that flowed from the sacrament. Something prevented me from experiencing the mercy of God in confession. I realised it was because I couldn’t remember my sins – I had been too lazy to prepare and do my daily examination of conscience. I have my vices, my bad habits that destroy my happiness and the happiness of those around me. With a simple examination of conscience each day, I could identify my sinful habits and take them to my merciful Father.

I started frequent confessions every two weeks; did my examination of conscience almost every day. I would write a short form of the sin I identified, sometimes at the very moment I identified it or at the end of the day (I wrote it on my phone, since I felt it easier than writing on a paper and forgetting where I kept it). I would take it to my personal prayer and pray for those I had hurt that day and confess it at the earliest.

On the day of confession, I would pray for the priest who would hear my confession and ask the blessed mother’s intercession for him. Something else that I started doing was to pray for all those who waited in line with me for confession. I would pray for their good confession, for their spiritual struggles. Sometimes I offered mercy decades or Psalms 51. I would thank my guardian angel for the protection and ask my patron saints to pray for me. At the confessional, I would eagerly listen to what the priest had to say even if it was only one word. After all it was Jesus speaking to me through the priest. After a well-prepared confession, it was as though I had unloaded a huge burden I had been struggling to carry for a long time. 

Regular confession of our venial sins helps us:

1.  Form our conscience,

2.  Fight against evil tendencies

3.  Let ourselves be healed by Christ

4.  And progress in the life of the Spirit

By receiving more frequently through this sacrament the gift of the Father’s mercy, we are spurred to be merciful as he is merciful (CCC 1458).

I started seeing the graces that flowed from each confession. I went to confession not as a servant giving account for her actions but as a daughter of my Almighty Father who is merciful and who waits for me with open arms.

Sona Emmanuel, Houston, USA

I Have a Confession to Make

2020 was the first year that since my First Holy Communion went without my making even a single confession. Thanks to the Corona pandemic, that year showed me how big a role confessions played in healing my relationship with God, Church and everything and everyone around me. 

The golden days were two periods, one soon after my Holy Communion and the second during the first five years of my JY life, when I went for confessions almost every week. Something which I was proud of for a long time, now I realise it was more of grace from the Lord than my merit. Those confessions allowed me to open up to the grace of the Lord even when I tended to drift away from his path. So grateful to those priests in Kerala who offered regular confession opportunities in the peak hours after the school and college. 

My first draught period was after graduation, a four-month period when I was in a remote location without access to the sacrament of confession and Holy Communion. I am thankful to the Lord that he formed me at that time which literally helped me reflect on sacraments and grace during the pandemic and its consequent distancing from the church.

Whether is it is frequent confession or confession after a long time, I try to make sure that I spend some time in the church or chapel before receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation. It is also important for me to inform the priest how long It has been since my last confession and that I have done the penance. 

Due to the pandemic more than 12 months lapsed between my latest two confessions. For the first time I was not able to confess even when I wished for it. And that desert experience showed me how weak and fragile I could be without grace from the Lord. When I went to the confession chapel after a long wait in the main church, something unusual happened, my heart was already pumping with joy. As I sat opposite to the priest and started my first confession with a distance of 2 metres, I could feel grace being showered upon me and my family. I literally handed over the burdens of almost 15 months to the Lord and came out with a heart filled with joy. 

As the lockdowns are coming back, I am not sure when I will once again receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation. But I am sure about one thing, my Lord is waiting patiently for me to return and receive his grace and healing. 

Cyriac Panackal, Fulda, Germany

Owning up to the All-Knowing

Confession has different meanings for different people around the globe, for me, confession is ‘a talk with God, about where I went wrong.’

As humans, we feel good when we share our happiness and sorrows with others because it gives a sense of ease, we believe that we have people who will firmly stand by us but there are times in our life where we are forced to think, ‘What if they judge? What if they fail to understand? What if they think otherwise?’ And I believe there is one person who already knows everything, sees everything and understands everything – God – and often we forget that. We forget to have small talks with him. I believe this is what confession is, where I own up to the fact that I did wrong and though the Lord already knows it, I ‘own up’ that I committed a mistake. It provides me a ‘self-realisation’ that what I did was something I wasn't supposed to do but I accept that and am now ready to ‘rectify’ it, change it.

Ashwin Jose, Thrissur, India

Investing in Eternal Life

Confession is a place where I feel the love and mercy of God. It’s a place where I am reunited with God once again. As humans we always fall into sin. And every confession is the chance to get reconciled back to the Lord. I am ever grateful for his constant mercy and ready forgiveness. 

The idea of telling another what we did wrong always makes us uncomfortable. Who likes to admit messing up? Who likes to hear different stories and theories around the mistake you made? On top of this, we are bogged by the question – what would others think? All these questions make us to avoid confession but the Holy Spirit who is stronger than us, guides us to make that decision to go forward for a confession. Confession always requires that hard-to-come-by virtue of humility. We need to assure ourselves that God is never tired of forgiving our sins. Jesus is waiting for us to make that decision to go to him and experience the endless love and mercy.  

If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him! (Luke 11:13)

The positive experiences of confession in my life are numerous. Once it led me to forgive someone I had grudge against for some time and in another occasion, it led me not to commit a sin ever again. To make a good confession we need to have a contrite heart. I go for confession at least every fortnight. My preparation for confession starts with making a prayer for the priest. Following this I meditate on Psalm 51 and pray for the Holy Spirit to help me to examine my conscience. This often takes twenty to thirty minutes and at this time a picture always comes to my mind – Rembrandt’s The Return of the Prodigal Son. In recent years my examination of conscience shifted from the basic commandments to looking at questions like, have I sinned in my thoughts, have I committed any capital sin (pride, greed, lust, anger, gluttony, envy & sloth), have I omitted to do any corporal or spiritual works of mercy, have I been an accessory to another’s sin, etc. If you are unsure whether something you did is a sin or not, feel free to ASK the priest. In every confession, I tell the priest a brief introduction of myself so that the priest can understand the severity and context of my sins.

Always prepare for each confession as if it was your last confession. In my work environment we tend to ask questions, have you got enough money invested for your retirement or does your investments earn the best return? The same questions apply to each one of us. Have we made any plans for our eternal life or heaven? Have we invested well? If not, let’s invest now. Take time today to evaluate your heart, be honest, be truthful and confess to the Lord in the beautiful sacrament of reconciliation – a place of liberation and healing. Jesus said, ‘I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me’ (John 14:6).

Vipin Thomas, Hastings, New Zealand

A Renewed Hope to be God’s Idea of Me 

I grew up with the idea that confessions were a convenient method for me to commit sins without having to worry about it. Confessions were my ticket to continue to sin. After experiencing Christ, one of the fundamental changes, was my outlook towards confession. I experienced the love of God, which was so deep and eternal that I could feel my heart only respond with repentance for my many aberrations against a loving God. 

Confession is now a time to truly face myself. To face my weaknesses and the many times I’ve sinned as a result of them; to truly understand how I have hurt my God. For me that’s why confession is a time of grace. A time where I can submit myself to God, as I am and receive his grace to sin no more. 

I realised that over the years I have always felt alarmed when I’ve gotten too comfortable with life to feel I didn’t need to go for confession. It meant that I felt I could do it myself – that I could deal with being sinless and pure, all on my own. That is when alarms go off and I know I really need to go for confession. And when, after a thorough examination I realise where I have fallen, I accept there is no point in ignoring the sins that I have committed. That I cannot depend on myself. That I desperately need the grace of God to face life. 

One of the things I’ve learnt to keep me grounded and ensure I make a regular confession is a specific priest to whom I regularly confess. I try to ensure that the priest is also my spiritual director. That way my conversations with him help me to remember the times I have fallen. I then spend a few moments alone asking the Holy Spirit to help me realise how I have offended God and to help me feel true repentance for my sins. While doing this I find that going through how I have failed with regards to each of the Ten Commandments, really helps. I then say a small prayer that the Lord continues to be with me as I do my confession. 

I find that when I make a genuine confession, after following these steps properly and diligently, I feel truly hopeful that I shall be able to face the world and be the person God wants me to be.  

David Thomas, New Delhi, India