ANOTHER SHADE OF LOVE | KAIROS GLOBAL | OCTOBER 2021

Author: Paskal Sanil

Intro: Paskal Sanil speaks about journeys in his life – as a youth, as family and moulding youth to become JY families. 

It was a beautiful summer morning in the quiet residential area of Hamilton, Canada. The three short months of summer were filled with excitement and the joy of chirping birds amidst the dampening clutches of Covid. I found a beautiful nest under my backyard deck, deftly woven by an American Robin – a grey bird with pale-orange breast. On peeking into the nest, I found four beautiful blue eggs. I could only watch with amazement at God's sense of colour. The parent birds took turns guarding the eggs. Thirteen days later I was awoken by squeaks from the nest. Looking through the gap in the deck I found four beautiful hatchlings.

Then disaster struck a few days later. We had relatives over for a summer barbeque and kids were playing in the backyard. The disturbance terrified the young birds and one of them jumped out of the nest. I tried to put it back but in panic, the other chicks fled the nest. Meanwhile, the parents’ frantic cries, trying to ward off the ‘enemy’ could be heard. I realised the fiasco I created. Night was falling with possibility of heavy rain. I quickly grabbed one of the young birds and put it in a small carton stuffed with soft tissues for warmth and placed it in my basement for the night. By then, the other young ones managed to hobble into the neighbour's backyard, but I could hear them from a distance. 

My next worry was keeping it alive till it could fly; what would I feed it, would it reunite with its parents? Through Google, I learnt these were fledglings – young birds that left their nest but were immature to forage food. So the parent birds would be near, providing food in the form of worms and reassurance by warbling around them. I realised I was doing more harm by keeping the bird and the next morning, I placed the carton on the deck, let the parents recognise the fledgling and slowly let the bird out. I watched as it slowly swayed away into the neighbour's yard. When it was safe, one of the parents flew away. Minutes later, it returned with a worm in its beak and tenderly fed the fledgling.  

Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? (Matthew 6:26)

My Life’s Journey

My father worked in the Defence Ministry and this influenced my upbringing. My childhood friends were from different religions, cultures and ethnicities. I studied in a non-Christian school, where scriptures and epics of other religions were part of the school syllabus. At the same time, we were a middle-class Catholic family, where daily Rosary and Sunday Mass were strictly followed. Hence, my childhood concept of God was mixed. On one hand, there were these king-gods, powerful and supernatural, while on the other was a King born in a humble manger to poor parents. There were kings who slayed enemies for dharma as opposed to this humble King who gave his life for truth, like a Lamb being slaughtered. It left so many questions and confusion in my young mind. Why did Jesus have to do it this way?

However, from childhood I felt an unseen force (read Holy Spirit), leading and clearing my doubts. My young mind sought answers to my questions and soon I would get an answer in the form of a friend or a homily or books or even the newspaper. It was not a single Four O'clock moment¹ in my life, but many. My growth in faith was gradual and slowly matured with time. 

My Faith Journey

My first encounter with JY was in December 2004, after moving to Chennai³ for my first job. I have often felt that I discovered the movement late but God has his own perfect time. I began to like the fellowship and charismatic prayers, totally new to me. I made many friends, who left lasting imprints of faith in me. In the initial days I was constantly bugged, pushed out of my comfort zone to join fellowships. Sometimes our lives need trespassing by JYs! Initially I feared I had to give up all my possessions to be a good Catholic, only later discovered that I was blessed with more gifts than I could lose. There was no looking back from there – I would travel the length and breadth of Tamil Nadu² for JY programmes. Every journey brought me a new lease of faith and a renewed conviction to sacramental life. I was deeply moved by the JY families I met and interacted with during these journeys.

We moved to Bangalore⁴ after marriage, our home became a den for youth. Even though my wife Reenu was not from a JY background, we provided for their spiritual and physical needs. It was the start of another beautiful journey. My JY life in short was like that of the parent birds – to watch them at a distance, provide for their needs and see them fly away into the blue sky to become another beautiful JY family.

JY Family – A building block

I’ve always realised the need for JY families youth can identify with, if we have to evangelise them. My family – including our little ones hang out for prayer meetings, movies and dinners with youths who regularly visit us. We celebrate birthdays and every Sunday, make food packets to distribute among the homeless. We were just there for these youths who hungered for a purpose in their life. A listening ear, an understanding mind and a loving heart is all they need.

My first step into leadership was very gradual. As with any Christian minister, life was filled with struggles – family, work, travelling to visit JYs, long calls. In Canada, I saw a completely different culture. Youths questioned their faith and thought more rationally. Once they were convinced about their faith, they stuck to it, irrespective. It was a challenge for me to approach them. I constantly tried to re-invent myself even in small little things like being punctual, getting their accent and above all, being gentle and approachable. The greatest challenge was to perceive their thinking and expectations and act responsibly.

When I became the coordinator of Canada, my only prayer was, ‘Lord let me not be a wrong example to the youth entrusted to me’. I would run to an adoration chapel whenever I faced problems in my life or ministry. Surprisingly, it was almost every day. I would pray to the Holy Spirit to guide my every action and word.

In 2019, before the onset of Covid, I attended the Leaders Training in Thailand. On the first day, there was a welcome note written on our table, ‘God will surprise you’. Ironically two months later, I lost my job. It was the beginning of a new phase in life. I grew deeper in my faith, trusting and relying on God’s providence. It was like a practical exam at the end of an academic year. This phase brought a lot of quiet time with the Lord, to self-reflect and introspect my love towards God. 

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me. Psalm 23:4

Truly, God was carrying me in his arms. Six months later I was blessed with a wonderful job and also with our third child, for whom we had been praying and waiting for over two years.

In Christus Vivit, Holy Father Pope Francis exhorts the youth – ‘You have to discover who you are and develop your own way of being holy, whatever others may say or think. Becoming a saint means becoming yourself in all fullness, becoming what the Lord wished to dream and create, and not a photocopy.’

Paskal Sanil was the former JY coordinator of Canada and is an IT professional. He lives in Hamilton, Canada with his wife, Reenu and their three children.