ANGEL OF GOD | KAIROS GLOBAL | AUGUST 2022

Author: Dr Sharmila Benny

Intro: Dr Sharmila Benny shares the extraordinary story of her daughter, Angel, whose love for Jesus and joy in death brought the family back to the Catholic faith.

The death of a child shatters our sense of the natural order of things. It tests and sometimes breaks our faith in a loving God. It is capable of throwing the parents and surviving siblings into grief more intense and more lasting than most can even imagine. To lose a child is literally to lose part of oneself.

While no words or gestures will ever be enough to comfort the pain experienced by those who have lost a child, Pope Francis said that God's response to our tears is the offer of hope – hope in the promise of eternal life.

Reflecting on the Old Testament figure of Rachel, who in the book of Jeremiah weeps ‘for her children—they are no more,’ the Pope focused his January 4, 2022, general audience on God's response to her mourning. ‘God, with his gentleness and his love, responds to the cry of Rachel with real words’ through the Prophet Jeremiah, the Pope said. Cease your cries of weeping, hold back your tears! There is compensation for your labour. They shall return from the enemy's land. There is hope for your future ... your children shall return to their own land (Jeremiah 31:16, 17).

Nine years ago when I lost my daughter, I took these words of Jeremiah to heart. Now, as I tell the story of a child who desired to meet Jesus in heaven and who embraced death with utmost happiness, I feel the heavens come down… 

‘Amma, I hear bells ringing, I see white flowers around,’ she told me on the hospital bed. I still believe that it was angels she saw, who came to carry her to heaven. I don’t grieve over the death of my child, instead I count it as the biggest blessing for our family. Her death is a gift, not just for us but to all who come to know about her.

My faith story begins in my family, where I was raised in the Catholic faith. We were twelve children at home. After completing my studies, a good marriage proposal came from another Christian denomination. Though I didn’t want to go away from my Catholic faith, I had no other option at the time. I couldn’t imagine missing my daily Holy Mass and Rosary, but there was no other choice but to obey my parents and go ahead. 

From the very first day of my marriage, I wanted to return to my Catholic faith. Things remained the same till our second daughter, Angel came. She used to watch Shalom Television with me and was very fond of the saints and religious practises. She showed an unusual acquaintance and familiarity to the Catholic faith, prayers and practises. My husband and family didn’t approve of us attending Catholic prayers or Holy Mass, so we had to secretly recite our prayers in our room and got to attend Holy Mass only when we went to my parents’ place. Many times, Angel surprised me with saints’ stories – this she was neither taught nor told about. Slowly I began to realise that she was  gifted with heavenly wisdom.

Day by day, I was humbled through tough experiences and challenges in life. Though initially I was disappointed in my husband and his faith, gradually I came to the realisation that he was the perfect partner for me. When I accepted this fact and loved him, changes automatically began to happen; he even agreed to attend a retreat which led him to the Catholic faith. He became a strong believer in Mother Mary and started joining our secret Rosaries.

Angel was in a way instrumental in many changes within our family. One day I came to know that she longed to receive Holy Communion and was refused it when she attended a Holy Mass in St Antony’s Shrine near her school. I took her to my parents’ Catholic parish and enrolled her for catechism classes to prepare her for Holy Communion. All this had to be kept a secret from my family, as they wouldn’t have approved us following the Catholic faith. My daughter was also deeply worried about this. 

However, God’s plans were entirely different. My daughter was taken to her heavenly abode within six months of this incident, before her desire to receive Holy Communion could be fulfilled. Everything started taking a U-turn after her death. We were pulled back as a family to the Catholic faith through various incidents and circumstances which I recollect as miracles arranged by my saintly daughter who loved Jesus and his Church more than anything. If God is for us, who can be against us(Romans 8:31). We began to attend daily Holy Mass at a nearby Catholic shrine and gradually the resentment of my in-laws disappeared. My husband grew in faith and joined me in regular prayers. 

Angel embraced death wholeheartedly, with the intense desire to be with Jesus in heaven. She had once asked me where Jesus lived. In heaven, I said. Her immediate question was, ‘How do we get to heaven?’ Without any second thoughts, I explained that we get to heaven only after death. But her reply jolted me. She said that she wanted to die soon to meet Jesus in person and be with him forever. Though initially I took it as a joke, she kept speaking about this wish that it began to disturb me.  Whenever she fell ill, she was happy to be able to join St Alphonsa in her mystical joy in suffering. She didn’t like us having pictures of the suffering Jesus or Rosa Mystica, as this pained her to watch them bleed. She used to write short prayers for all her friends and dear ones in her Missal, which I had bought for her to attend Holy Mass in the shrine near her school.

Her doll’s name was Germaine Cousin, a saint I came to know from her. She was very fond of priests too. She used to tell me that she often saw Jesus in the place of priests. She was not fond of songs other than devotional ones and many a time I have experienced a breeze coming in whenever she sang, along with a fragrance.

When Angel passed away, we were able to get over it with grace. An unusual courage swept all of us. I could feel a question from inside asking me, Do you love me? Something similar to what our father Abraham faced. I understand the depth of this question very clearly now. I prayed for the strength to say ‘Yes, Lord’ then and ever since.

Our life has been filled with grace since then. I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name (Isaiah 45:2-3). We began to see this verse take shape in our lives. We became strong in faith and faith practices and haven’t missed our daily Holy Mass since – not even during Covid lockdown. 

Though Angel was cremated in my husband's church as per their traditions, six years later, God arranged for us to move her mortal remains to the nearby Catholic church, which was her favourite place. 

Another interesting blessing which our daughter coordinated from heaven is the daily family prayer at 8.30 pm, where all my siblings along with their families come together online from different parts of the world. This indeed is the foundation of all our daily activities. I often seek the intercession of my daughter when ‘hopeless’ patients come to me and I have witnessed miraculous healings on many occasions. 

God has a reason for allowing things to happen. We may never understand his wisdom, we simply have to trust his will. 

Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will act (Psalm 37:5).

Dr Sharmila Benny is a homeopathic doctor and lives with her husband and son near Thodupuzha, India.