A CHOLERIC CHILD CAN CHANGE THE WORLD | KAIROS GLOBAL | NOVEMBER 2022

Author: Jilu Chengat

Intro: In part two of this series on The Temperaments, Jilu Chengat writes about the choleric temperament. 

Like all the temperaments, cholerics have a unique way of contributing to society. Cholerics leave a lasting and visible impression on the world as they are usually leaders, entrepreneurs, and pioneers in their various fields. Your choleric child joins the ranks of St Paul, St Ignatius of Loyola, Mother Angelica and various other leaders in the Church and the world! 

To understand the nuances of providing formation for a choleric temperament, we can look at some of their virtues and vices. Cholerics tend to be very determined and diligent. They proactively and steadily work towards their goal but may struggle with impatience when they don’t see results. They thrive on affirmation and can bear great loads when supported well. This is great, until someone questions them – especially their integrity or their vision. Their pride may cause them to quickly become defensive, angry and reactive. Their stubbornness and strong will may pose a challenge when their ideas need to be corrected or revised. 

Choleric children may become frustrated if their siblings or peers don’t want to join in their games or plans. You can challenge and teach them at an early age to work together. When parents model listening by inviting them to share their thoughts, feelings, and emotions, they will likely be able to do that for others, prompting a team environment that stretches their independent natures. Perhaps two of the most important virtues to foster are humility and patience. Affirm them not for their achievements, but for their effort, their perseverance, or the ways that they included and listened to others. Cholerics often need reminding that the journey is just as, if not more important, than the final destination. When they fail or fall, be gentle with them and counteract their inner voice of self-accusation with affirmation and encouragement. As they grow in humility and patience, their natural self-motivation becomes more grounded and internally driven, bearing lasting fruits. 

Parental formation of a choleric may seem like a daunting task because of their strong natures, but when formed patiently and intentionally, they have the potential to change and shape the world! So, next time you feel like throwing your hands up in the air with exasperation for your strong-willed choleric child, remind yourself that the world needs more saints and leaders that have the strength to stand for truth, justice and the gospel. If your choleric child can hone that strength in your home and through a loving parental relationship, imagine the possibilities! 

Be Fathered

When in relationship with God the Father, parenting can lead to your own inner healing. It requires self-awareness and intentionality to let the Father heal us through the gift of our child, who may be very much like ourselves! Let’s see how this can play out.

Mary is a choleric mother to young Jenny. She was feeling very annoyed with Jenny’s intensity and constant questions, until recently in prayer, God started reminding her of her own childhood. As a young child, Mary also had many questions. She didn’t mind doing the things her parents asked or expected, but it helped her if she knew why she was doing it. Her father was a very straightforward, strong personality who dismissed her questions and demanded that she do as she was told. 

At first, she would feel very upset. Her father would tell her that she was being ridiculous and reacting for no reason. Eventually, she realised there was no point in being upset. When she was young, she just followed his expectations, but as she grew older, she learned how to get her way without her father knowing. 

One day, she prayed with Jeremiah 1:5, Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations. She began to hear the voice of the Father whispering that he had made her for a beautiful purpose. He reminded her of all her doubts and emotions over the years and told her that ‘she wasn’t too much’ and that ‘he wanted to hear her questions.’ After becoming a mother, Mary had put aside many of her dreams and passions, even from before the Lord. She experienced healing as the Lord drew her out, answered her questions and made space for the intensity of her feelings. As the Lord began to heal her own heart, Mary could see how much she desired to nurture Jenny’s inspirations, questions, and passions, even if she hadn’t received that in her own upbringing. 

Can you relate? Are you a choleric parent? How may God be inviting you to receive healing in your temperament so that you can more confidently and generously parent your child? 

Temperaments of the Saints!

It always helps to look to the saints as models of virtue. Like all of us, saints had blessings and challenges that came with their temperament. Let’s look at a famous choleric saint! 

St Paul 

A zealous Pharisee, he was proud of his accomplishments against Jews. However, his conversion experience changed everything! Once he was convinced of the truth of Jesus Christ, he was a most zealous disciple and single-handedly brought the Good News to many. His choleric nature went from persecuting Christians to baptizing them. He goes to show that when oriented and formed in the truth, a choleric has an immense capacity to be a gift to the world. 

Jilu Chengat lives in Massachusetts, USA where she lives out her missionary call as a wife and mother to three children. She enjoys writing and accompanying young people as they discern the voice of God in their lives.